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My heart squeezed as if she had reached right in and was clenching it in her fist. Shame crushed me, but I wouldn’t look away from her. I held her gaze. “I remember.”
Her eyes glistened with tears she wouldn’t let fall. “You promised to always protect me. You promised to never let anyone hurt me ever again.”
God, I wished she would just rip my heart out and get it over with. There was no excuse for my failure. I had let her down on every level. I abandoned her. I hurt her and for that, I didn’t know if I’d ever make up for it.
She tucked a stray wisp of hair that had fallen from her bun behind her ear. “Why did you leave, Ty?” My skin suddenly went clammy. “You’ve apologized for doing it, but you’ve never told me the reason why.”
My breaths quickened as I thought back three years ago, to when I’d stood in front of my sick, garbage father on his deathbed. Atlas and I had escaped his clutches when we were kids, but he had never paid for what he did to us. He had been lost, forgotten as much as possible by us until Atlas found him three years ago, rotting and dying in a nursing home.
I’d gone to confront him. I wanted him to own up to what he did to us; what he’d done to our mother—addicted her to drugs until she died. I had loved my mama. Loved her more than I loved anyone, and when she died, I think a part of me did too.
“Ty?” Ellie’s voice brought me back and I jumped. I looked away from her, not wanting to answer her question even when she asked a second time.
I had told no one what happened the day I’d gone to see my father. I could still hear his voice, as if it had been hours since I’d heard it and not years.
“You were nothing then, and you’re nothing now, boy,”he’d growled at me from his bed where he could barely sit up.
His skin had been sallow and yellowed and he laughed as I blamed him for what he’d done to my mama.
“You think that’s right, boy? You can put your blame on me, but you know what really happened.”He’d raised his brows, eyes blazing with hate and contempt as he stared at me.“You failed her. I might have given her those drugs but it was taking care of you kids that brought her to the grave.”
He’d died not long after he spoke those words, but the damage was done. Not even watching him take his last breath brought me any peace or closure. He’d gotten his last bit of revenge.
Ellie took a step toward me, but I stumbled back. “Don’t,” I whispered.
“Was it worth it?” she asked, voice hollow. “Was it worth breaking your promise or had you just…lied? I mean, if you could leave so easily and ignore the people you claimed to love…it’s hard to believe you really cared.”
I clenched my jaw. Damn, she knew how to dig that knife in…not that I hadn’t asked for it. “What do you want me to say, Ellie?” I snapped. “That I’m weak? That I’m a coward? Because I am.”
My father’s face flashed in my mind again and I shook my head, running my hands through my hair, pulling on a few strands. That bastard would always be my downfall.
I forced myself to look back at her. Those wide, ice blue pools were so clear I wanted to dive into them and disappear. “At first I thought I just needed to get out. That I needed to make something of myself and do something with my life.” I breathed in, fighting the building pressure behind my eyes. “The truth is, I was scared.”
Her brows knit. “Scared of what?”
“Of you. Of Knox. Of everyone in this damn town who ever meant anything to me. When I watched my father die, and then Wren was almost killed by that manic who had been so damn close to you…God, it broke me. If something had happened to you.” A chill ran down my spine at the thought. “If I couldn’t keep the people I loved safe…if all that was going to happen was I’d love them and then they’d leave me because I wasn’t strong enough save them…then I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t deserve to be here or be loved.”
Her mouth fell open as a fresh rush of tears came. She took another step toward me, and this time I didn’t back away. I felt raw, like I’d just poured my soul out before her where she could stomp all over it if she wished.
She stepped so close we almost touched. “I know how that feels,” she whispered. She raised her hand and I flinched. All she did was place it gently on the side of my cheek. Her palm was warm against my skin, so comforting I leaned into it.
“I’m so, so sorry,” I said, my voice breaking.
She nodded. “I know. I know you are.” Ellie lifted up on her toes, grasping my face in both of her hands as she pressed her forehead to mine. Her eyes fluttered closed as tears slipped quietly from them. “I don’t know if I’m ready for so many things, Ty. But I’m finally ready to give you what you deserve, what you’ve deserved since the first time you asked for it.”
Her eyes opened and I searched them questioningly, my heart hammering so hard it was almost painful.
“I forgive you, Tyson Ranes.”
I jerked back, shock thrumming through me. Her hands fell from my face to my chest. “What?”
“I forgive you.”
Those three words lifted a weight so heavy I thought I might be floating. “You don’t have to—”
“I want to.” She smiled, just a small lift of her lips. “I’m still working on trusting you, but I forgive you for leaving. And…and you do deserve love because…I love you, Ty.”
I stared at her, my blood heating in my veins. Her eyes were round and bright and shone with sincerity. I didn’t know if she meant the friendship kind of love or a different kind, but it didn’t matter. Hearing her say those words stirred something inside me; something hot and hungry and…wanting.
