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“My dad gave her an ultimatum. She needs to apologize to you for everything she said, or she can step away from the family,” Jackson said.
“Jesus.”
“But this isn’t about Beth, this is about me,” Jackson insisted and turned to face her. “I was not being the supportive boyfriend I thought I was or who you deserved. I brushed off your concerns, I ignored your feelings and I focused on trying to make it all go away. I couldn’t see past the frustrations of Beth beingBethand seeing you cry. I never meant to hurt you or make you feel like you didn’t have anyone on your side.”
Oleander stared at him and Jackson saw her eyes shine with unshed tears. He wanted to pull her into his lap and kiss her, but he wasn’t done.
“It’s not an excuse, but I’ve never encountered a situation like this outside of what happens in the news, and I didn’t know how to behave. I might be old enough to experience these things, but I haven’t. Ihavelived a very privileged and sheltered life and I hate that my behavior and my lack of response hurt you even more.”
Instead of saying anything, Oleander stood up and moved away. Jackson sighed heavily and stared into his drink, listening to the soft swishing of her skirt as she moved. After a long moment, he stood up, but Oleander turned to face him at the same time.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “For being honest, for admitting your privilege and your mistakes.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long.” He breathed out. “That night, you were telling me so much through your body language, through your frustrations and your anger, and I ignored all of it. I can see how tense you are right now and I hate that I make you feel that way around me.”
Oleander shook her head and a tear slipped down her cheek. “I know what I’m going through or what happened is not something you’re used to or even aware of, but I appreciate that you took the time to learn.”
Jackson nodded. “I did. I know my learning about racism is nowhere near done and it never will be, but I’m so angry that I’ve been ignoring it and how in doing that, I hurt you even more.”
He took a step forward, itching to wipe away the tears and Oleander sighed, so he didn’t move again. He felt so distraught and helpless. The fact that Oleander had given him a chance to talk didn’t mean anything more than that. Yes, they were saying the right things to each other and there was promise of things getting better, but Jackson knew he’d fucked up so bad that she would need more time.
“I need you to know I never stopped loving you,” Oleander said softly, making his chest ache. “But this time apart was important. For both of us.”
He nodded. “I agree, because it helped me see what I had done wrong.”
“I missed you, Jackson.”
“Fuck,” he mumbled, blinking back tears. “I missed you too. More than I can put into words.”
“But…” she added and he nodded, knowing it was coming, “I’m still going to need some time.”
“I get it.”
“There’s more to learn, for your family to wrap their heads around and for me to process.”
Jackson nodded. “I know.”
“But we’ll see each other again soon.”
“I love you.” The words came out of him in a rush and Oleander smiled.
“I don’t think we could stop even if we tried.”
He nodded with a small smile. “It was good seeing you tonight.”
“Stay out of trouble, Jackson.”
“I’ll do my best,” he whispered, his eyes trailing her as she walked off. Oleander stopped at the entrance into the apartment and glanced back at him and Jackson’s heart pounded so loud. She blew him a kiss and vanished into the apartment, leaving him there alone.
But at least now, he had hope and he knew if he found a way to remind her how good they were together, they could get back there eventually.
