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Chapter Thirty-Three
This meeting with his family hadn’t gone the way Jackson thought it would. Oleander was supposed to meet his parents, his siblings and let everyone see he’d found the most amazing woman.
Excepteverythinghad gone to shit.
They’d grown up in an affluent white neighborhood and Jackson knew most families in the area had nannies and a lot of them were Hispanic women who did everything for the kids. All his closest friends were white, most of the people he went to school with were white—there were so few instances where they interacted with someone of color. Maybe it was that upbringing that made Beth the way she was, but he knew his parents and even Brandon didn’t look at race the same way. None of them, except Beth, had voted for He Who Shall Not Be Named—that was enough proof.
Oleander was silent the whole way back to Wildes. She was curled up in her seat and her head was turned towards the window, so he couldn’t even catch her eye. He kept both hands on the wheel, even though he wanted to reach over and put one hand on her thigh to let her know he was right there through it all, and drove straight to her place.
He parked his car and watched Oleander climb out, taking her heels and purse with her, leaving him alone. Sighing heavily, he grabbed their bag from the back and followed his girlfriend up to her apartment. She’d left the door open, so Jackson walked in and locked it behind him. He found Oleander in the kitchen, staring into the open fridge, tears leaking down her face.
“Oleander.”
“I think I want to be alone, Jackson.”
“I’m really sorry about what happened today.”
“I know.” She sighed and closed the fridge, a bottle of wine in one hand as she used the other to wipe her face.
“We need to talk about this.”
“Nope.”
“Oleander.”
“Stop.” Oleander said firmly. “As much as I want to pretend like all ofthatdidn’t happen, we both know I can’t. I don’t even know what to do because I’m in shock and angry, but I’m so…lost.”
“I didn’t know Beth was going to bethatkind of person,” he said softly, like he needed to unload his guilt and apologize for his part in this.
“What kind of person did you think she was?”
Jackson frowned, unable to comprehend what she was saying. He’d known Beth his whole life and sure, she was a bit of a bitch and she drove him absolutely insane most of the time, but was Oleander implying his sister was a bad person? Beth had said ugly things anddefinitelymeant them. Which didn’t help either of their cases at all.
“I dunno? I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing!” Oleander yelled, then covered her mouth with both hands as she stared at him. Jackson knew her well enough to know yelling wasn’t her style. She looked surprised at the volume and tone of her voice, but he didn’t move.
Oleander’s shoulders slumped and it looked like the fight went out of her completely. Jackson wanted to hold her, but he knew if he moved, he would regret it. His own feelings were so conflicted—he was angry with Beth, but he was also confused about Oleander. He’d never been in a situation like this before and he didn’t know what the right thing to say or do was. All he could do was hope that every word that came out of his mouth didn’t make Oleander’s body tighten with tension.
He blew out a breath. “I wish we could redo today.”
Oleander sighed and poured herself a really big glass of wine. He watched her take a large gulp before setting the glass down. If she was going to be drinking the whole glass, he needed to be prepared for what was about to unfold.
“I don’t want this to go away. I want you to remember and understand how the world sees me.”
“It’s not the whole world, just my asshole sister.”
Oleander let out a frustrated laugh and shook her head as she tugged on her hair. She was really angry, her body was vibrating. “My whole life, I’ve been told I’m all kinds of things. I’m too tan to be white, when really I’mbrown. Or I would be so much more beautiful if I lost all my weight. Or if I put a little more effort into my clothes and my makeup and my hair, I could win the affections of anymanin the world.
“You’re a cisgender white male who grew up in wealth and luxury. You had the best education money could buy, you had a good life,” Oleander explained and Jackson hated that she’d seen that side of his life. “Not to say I didn’t have a good life, but I’m a woman of color in a country where the color of my skin is instantly a reason to hate me.
“Let’s not forget that I’m not the ideal size for women in this world and I am bisexual. And of course, inyour world, my jobs aren’t exactly glamorous.” She moved closer to him and Jackson tensed. “But when others call me out on all these things to use them as insults, slurs and a way to break me down, ithurts. Because to me, being brown, bisexual and fat is not a bad thing. I love who I am, but I don’t like how other people make me feel.”
“None of that matters, I love you the way you are.”
Oleander stared at him and Jackson saw something new pass over her eyes—she wasdisappointedin him. She was standing so still, except for her chest rising and falling fast. Looking at her made him feel ashamed, so Jackson looked away.
The problem was, he didn’t knowwhatshe was angry about. Beth had said some horrible things and she’d insulted his girlfriend, but what was it that made her feel like she wasn’t good enough?
