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Davis
“Ibought a maple bar just for you.”
Patsy gives me a broad, red-lipped smile and holds the pink baker’s box in front of me. “And an old fashioned, but don’t tell Drake. He thinks I bought that one for him.”
Reaching into the box, I extract both sweet treats. It’s Friday after all, and I’m ready to celebrate. I’ve got the long Labor Day weekend in front of me, and after a crazy week of work I deserve to indulge in a few too many calories. Besides, with three days off from work I’m bound to get plenty of exercise. And not just the kind that requires shoes.
The past few weeks have felt surreal. Hell, my whole damn life is surreal now. I’m spending every free minute I have with Merrick; at his house, in his bed. We spend a lot of time just talking too. We do all the normal things most couples do; cook together, watch home improvement shows on TV, bicker about what to buy at the grocery store.
And we spend a whole lot of time naked.
I can feel my cheeks flush at the thought. Even though I’ve had a few weeks to get used to the idea that I’m making love to a man on a regular basis, my head just can’t fully accept it. I wonder if anyone can tell what I’ve been doing; if any of that contentment I’m feeling is obvious on the outside. It feels like it is sometimes. I catch Patsy looking at me, a small smile on her face, head cocked to the side, giving me a mom-look that says she’s happy for me. Thank God she never asks. Thank God no one asks what I’ve been up to. The good thing about being the guy I am is that I’ve never been one to confide in others or disclose personal things about myself. People are used to me not talking about my wife or my life at home. I’m not even sure anyone knows I’m married.
“You totally swiped my old fashioned, didn’t you?” Drake stands in front of me blocking my way, arms pulled tight across his broad chest, a smirk lifting one corner of his mouth.
I feign innocence and shrug. “Patsy said she bought it for me. Sorry, man.” I shove half the old fashioned into my mouth, chewing like a chipmunk.
“That’s below the belt,” Drake grumps. He strolls away, hollering at Patsy about his missing donut, and I have to chuckle. He and I have worked together for a long time—five years if I remember correctly—and in that time we’ve never shared more than the usual office bullshit with one another. Like me, he’s not much of a talker. He keeps to himself and does a good job and seems to be well-liked by the staff.
Why haven’t I ever noticed this before? My eyes stray to where he’s got one ass cheek propped up on Patsy’s desk, and he shamelessly flirts with her while he digs around in the donut box. She pats his hand and bats her eyes and giggles like a school girl. Clearly, the two are close.
Why haven’t I ever noticed that either?
Have I been so submersed in the shithole that is my life that I’ve neglected to see the truly good people who surround me on a daily basis? Have I been so damn caught up in my own misery that I’ve missed many opportunities to create friendships and make the work day more pleasurable?
Fuck….why was I so eager to shut myself off from every single person in my life? Sure, pain has and probably always will be a centerpiece to my existence. But at what cost? Until I met Merrick—and subsequently his friends that have now become my friends—I catered to the misery. I was too fucking eager to spend every day alone, atoning for who the hell knows what. I didn’t cause Charlotte to get sick and die. I didn’t ask for my marriage to implode. I sure as fuck didn’t deserve such complete and total agony each and every day.
Being with Merrick has opened my eyes to so many things. I’m healing, a little more each and every day, and that’s a good thing. I’ve learned that it’s okay to smile and to laugh and to find happiness. None of that will take away what Charlotte will always mean to me. But I find myself asking….is that what she would have wanted for me? Would she have wanted me to drown in my pain and spend the rest of my days alone? I have to believe she would not have wanted that.
The happiness that Merrick has brought into my life has really made me look at things differently. He’s the reason I now look at Patsy and see not a nosey co-worker, but the sweet older lady who lives for taking care of all of us. He’s the reason I invited Drake to the BBQ we’re throwing on Sunday. He’s the reason I finally believe I deserve to wake up each day and look forward to the next one, and the one after that.
The buzzing of my phone pulls me out of my head, and I glance at the device to see Chantal’s name on the screen. I consider just letting the call roll to voicemail. I really don’t want her to kill the happy bubble I’ve been in for weeks now. I hardly ever sleep in my apartment anymore, and with the exception of the yardwork I still feel obligated to do, I’m slowly severing my ties to the house and her.
But the divorce is still in limbo and I need a resolution. Quickly. I’m tired of her dangling my freedom in front of me. I’m ready to move on.
“Hello?” I answer only when my office door is closed tight, drowning out the noise from the customer service area. I moved in to my postage stamp size office a few days ago and there’s crap spread everywhere, but I still get a huge sense of pride when I walk through the door with my name on it.
“We need to talk.”
“I have a few minutes.” I really don’t want to get into this with her over the phone, but it’s a necessary evil, I suppose. “What do you want Chantal?”
“We need to talk. In person.”
“Alright. When?”
“I have to work tomorrow. Sunday then, after church.”
I’m amused that she still shows her face in the one place where people are bound to question my absence. I wonder what sort of excuses she’s been trying to sell to everyone. “I can’t do Sunday. Monday afternoon works for me.” A hear a slight gasp, and it makes me smile. Yeah…this side of me is new too. I’m no longer willing to cater to every whim she has, and I’m sure as hell not moving my plans around to suit her.
“Fine. Monday at four.”
I feel like giving myself a high-five. The later afternoon “appointment” earns me an almost full day with Merrick. “See you then.” I disconnect without waiting to hear if she has anything else to say, shove the phone into my back pocket and pull a water bottle from the mini-fridge behind my desk, one of the perks of my brand new office. I’m just twisting off the cap when there’s a knock at the door. “Come on in.”
Drake steps inside the office at my greeting. “Hey man, you sure it’s okay if I join you on Sunday?”
I consider that I’ll have to watch myself around Merrick if Drake is there. I’ve gotten really used to just being myself around his friends and not withholding affection for Merrick just because we’re all together. They’ve mostly taken our relationship in stride, except for Aiden, who on more than one occasion has made me promise not to break Merrick’s heart. No one ever asks me about the state of my relationship with Chantal. No one ever questions that I’m still technically married, even though I’m spending the nights in Merrick’s bed. His friends are the most non-judgmental people I’ve ever met. Even Jack, who makes a point of keeping himself cut off from the others, barely looks at the two of us with more than a passing glance.
I don’t know Drake very well, but I do know he’s a good guy. He’s been a loyal, hard worker since the first day he came to work here. He’s always considerate with the customers, always respectful of me as his boss. He tends to get a bit flirty with Patsy, but I get the impression she’s like a stand-in mom for him. He’s always walking her to her car and stopping by her house to help with something. My gut tells me he’d probably take me and Merrick being together in stride.
