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CHAPTER 13
Slowly, the sun crepttoward the waiting profiles of the mountains. In a moment of flame, it perched upon their roughened shoulders, bronzing their crevices even as dusk began filtering into the valley below.
The rain had ended—but the storm in Addisyn’s soul was just beginning.
Addisyn leaned against her hotel window. As beautiful as the sunset was, it wasn’t the focus of her attention. Instead, she was unable to drag her eyes from the craggy giant—Whistler Mountain. King of the high peaks. She stared at it until the outline blurred. It was hard to believe she had climbed its slopes—almost to the top.
Still harder to believe was the fact that she had sat on those slopes and kissed Darius Payne.
With a groan, she ran her hands over her hair and leaned her elbows on the windowsill. The whole afternoon was one big question mark that bounced erratically around her brain. Why had she experienced such strange feelings about Darius? Why had she pretended, for half a second, that she was free to lay aside her past, her secrets, and kiss him the way her heart had told her to?
And the biggest question mark of all—why had he turned away?
It was a question she’d pondered all evening. All during the awkward descent of the mountain, then the tense drive back to her hotel. Right before he dropped her off, Darius had taken her hand and gazed deep into her eyes. His face had held none of the love and desire from earlier—just a quiet brokenness. “I’m sorry.”
Addisyn had nodded and hastily withdrawn her hand, opening her door herself and scrambling out of the car before her emotions could break free of the barriers she’d erected. She’d worked to wiggle her words past the knot in her throat. “Yeah, me too. It’s okay.”
And as she’d paused there, clinging to the car door, their eyes locked in an uncertain dance, she’d realized one horrible truth: they’d come to the end of the story. Darius could apologize. She could accept. They could chalk the moment up to adrenaline or temporary insanity or the emotional high that followed Addisyn’s rescue.
But they could never rewind the tape, never go back to a time before. Darius wouldn’t come into the coffee shop and joke with her while the light splashed across his face. She wouldn’t playfully shove him and eat his squished sandwiches.
All of that was over. Forever.
Addisyn had given Darius the tiniest wave and slammed the car door. She’d felt his eyes on her all the way to her hotel door, but she never looked back. She didn’t cry, either. She wasn’t crying now.
What was there to cry about? No matter what his kiss and eyes had said, his words and subsequent actions screamed a painful message. Loud and clear.
I’m not that guy...the big hero all decorated with Olympic gold.Addisyn had replayed Darius’s words a thousand times, but she still couldn’t make sense of the statement. What did that mean?
Darius had already explained that his back injury wouldn’t let him return to the ice. Did the accident still torment him that badly? But what bearing could it possibly have on their relationship?
Addisyn looked out the window again. The horizon was splashed with a gorgeous palette of pastels, the colors swimming before her eyes in a dazzling swirl. She shook her head, exhausted from all her worry. She’d focused a microscope on every detail of their afternoon, searching for clues. Clues that might explain what had happened or at least help her come to grips with reality.
But really, there was no reason to keep looking. No matter what hints she could find or explanations she could contrive, the bottom line was the same.
Darius didn’t want her.
And why would he? She was far from worthy. Heat crawled up her spine and over her face as she remembered the past three years—the chapter of her life she’d give anything to undo.
Brian.At the time, she’d been flattered to have merited the attentions of a sophisticated, successful Olympic coach, a real-life Prince Charming. Even after coming to Whistler, she’d fantasized about him rushing after her, pictured him standing contrite before her and begging her to come home with him. Now the thought of his touches and kisses muddied her soul with revulsion.
When Brian had asked her to move in with him, she’d come up with plenty of solid explanations to counter the cautions of her niggling conscience. They were in love and always would be. One day they’d undoubtedly get married. Their choices wouldn’t hurt anyone else.
Avery, however, hadn’t bought any of those excuses. She’d insisted her sister’s decision went against everything God had planned—the way He’d intended relationships to work—and relentlessly preached that conviction.
Addisyn could still picture Avery during one of those conversations, still hear her words. “Addisyn, please listen. You know, you won’t be with Brian forever.”
Addisyn winced now to remember how she’d huffed and rolled her eyes. “My prophet sister strikes again,” she’d snapped.
Avery’s eyes had filled with tears, and she’d bitten her bottom lip in silent pain. After a few seconds, she’d spoken again. This time, her words rang with an authority that went far beyond her big-sister tone. An authority that had pierced Addisyn’s soul—that even now, years later, she remembered.
“One day, you’ll break free of Brian. And you’ll meet a man that you could truly love. But you’ll have a lot of shame that will stand between the two of you like a wall.”
The sunset was dead, washed-out smears of color on a blackening sky. Addisyn buried her face on her folded arms. What had she been thinking? And how could she have so misunderstood her sister all these years?
The tears glistening in Avery’s eyes hadn’t been tears of petulance or irritation or even rage. They’d been gut-honest tears of love and pain. Avery hadn’t cried because she felt disregarded or because she wanted to have the last word or even because Addisyn had turned on her so viciously.
Avery had cried because she had known—somehow, someway—that a day would come when Addisyn would sit in a cold hotel room and cry over the biggest mistake of her life.
