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CHAPTER 21
Addisyn quite honestlywasn’t sure how she would skate at all. Not with the giant rock in her chest. She used to have a heart where that rock was. Now, there was only a cold, hard deadness.
Funny, two hours before, she’d been in Grant Park, on the brink of walking out on the whole deal. Then Ed had announced his early arrival, and now she was getting ready to go on the ice and fight with all her soul for something she no longer wanted.
Addisyn shifted slightly in the large black chair. She was getting restless. There was no excitement or anticipation—just a weary desire to get the whole thing over and done with.
“Hold still, dear. Almost ready.” Ms. Arkins smoothed something over Addisyn’s cheeks. She was the makeup specialist—in charge of making Addisyn as flawless as possible.
On the outside, anyway.
“Yes, ma’am.” Addisyn had always wished she could just go out on the ice and skate the way she really was. All the fripperies of makeup and hair arrangements had been her least favorite part of the process. Today, with her life in tatters, they seemed even more obnoxious.
“Close your eyes, dear.” Obediently Addisyn complied. She could feel Ms. Arkins fluttering a soft brush over her eyelids. Probably that sparkly pink stuff.
“Guess you’re excited, huh?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Truthfully, Addisyn was feeling those pre-performance jitters—more from habit than anything else—but excited? Not exactly.
“Well, I know you’re going to do just great.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re going to look really nice too.” Ms. Arkins was an intrusive sort of person who’d hovered over Addisyn since she’d arrived at the rink an hour and a half ago. She expertly flicked eye liner up at the outer corners of Addisyn’s eyes. “We’re getting you all fixed up pretty, dear.” She giggled coyly. “My, I expect Mr. Bourns will usher you into the team on the spot.”
Somehow this annoyed Addisyn. “It’s my skating he’s judging, Ms. Arkins.” She felt bad immediately. Why take her frustration out on this lady? “I mean, he’s looking at my skill, not my...”
“Your body.” Ms. Arkins finished coolly. “Let me tell you, honey, he is.”
What?Discomfort snaked up Addisyn’s back, but she tried to shrug it off. “Well, maybe he’ll look at costume design. I think they count for that.”
“Sure he will.” Ms. Arkins’s voice dripped with innuendo. “Your costume...and everything else.” She turned for a brush and began vigorously brushing Addisyn’s hair. “Hon, I’ve been in this business for a long time. It’s the pretty girls that get ahead. Eye candy, you know.” Her fingers deftly began braiding Addisyn’s hair. “I mean, just look at you and Brian Felding.”
“What about me and Brian?” The room was feeling far too small.
“Well...” Ms. Arkins gave a laugh that didn’t strike Addisyn as appealing. “Let’s just say you’re one lucky girl. I’ve known Brian a long time. He’s had some pretty girls on his arm before, but he’s never looked at one the way he looks at you.” She laughed again. “Don’t tell me he doesn’t have eyes, honey. He’s not just interested in you as a great skater.”
Before Addisyn could question or protest or even think how to respond to such information, Ms. Arkins spun her chair around dramatically. “There! What do you think?”
It took Addisyn a second to realize she was looking in a mirror. There stood Ms. Arkins, smiling with a smile that could only be described as oily. And there was Addisyn herself.
“Thank you.” Addisyn knew her words sounded flat, but she couldn’t mask the sinking she felt in the pit of her stomach. Controlling her nausea left her no mental energy to expend on false enthusiasm.
“No problem.” Ms. Arkins apparently didn’t notice anything wrong with Addisyn’s tone. “It’s my job, sweetheart. Making people beautiful.” She winked. “Now I’ll go so you can get your outfit on.”
Ms. Arkins scurried out, closing the door behind her. Addisyn continued staring at her reflection with a cold, muddy feeling in her stomach.
Was that her? The woman in the mirror with more makeup than a streetwalker in Vegas? The woman who looked worldly and tawdry and years older than Addisyn herself?
Eye candy, honey.Ms. Arkins’s words reverberated in her mind. Her soul had that dirty feeling again. Involuntarily she folded her arms over her chest. Eye candy, really?
Her heart had ceased to argue with her mind. The truth of the words stared her in the eye.Brian... He doesn’t see you as just a great skater.Addisyn swallowed the sour taste in her mouth. No, he certainly didn’t. And what about the “other pretty girls”?
The question marks were cluttering her soul. So unlike when she had first started skating. Then, pure joy had flooded her veins when she was out on the ice. It had made her feel fully alive and fully free.
Now she was burdened, trapped, enslaved. So much weight had been loaded onto her spirit that its wings had been crippled, and it had forgotten how to fly. She leaned in closer to examine her reflection. In spite of all the glitzy makeup, her eyes looked hollow and lifeless. Shadowed, somehow. Was that the darkness Avery had claimed to see in her? Way back then?
Eye candy.Ms. Arkins’s words weren’t new information—rather a concise way of explaining what she’d been feeling for some time. That was it, wasn’t it? Hadn’t that always been what she was to Brian? A pretty ornament to dangle from his arm. A cute trophy to show off. A prize to be exhibited...and profited from.
