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“What?” they gasped in unison.
I lifted my gaze and stared at them smugly. Pride thrummed through every cell in my body. Although negligent in many ways, it was the one thing my father had done right. After taking care of the clan, what love and energy he had left for me as a little girl, he’d poured into forging me for this role. The neglect, the suffering of my mother’s betrayal—all of it had culminated in the knowledge that I would one day rule. It would all be worth it once I became queen. It gave me a rush of power like nothing else in the world.
Nodding sagely, I confirmed, “That’s right, I will be the first female sef. Once my father retires, I will lead my clan.”
“But what will your husband do?” Gabby asked with an adorable, confused look on her face.
“I won’t have a husband,” I responded matter-of-factly.
“No husband,” Star murmured in shock. “Like a vow of chastity?”
“Yes…well, no. I didn’t make a vow, but it’s the one condition for holding the world in the palm of my hands, for having the honor of taking care of my family and my clan, and for earning the right to take over my father’s kingdom. He came from a small city in Romania with nothing but the clothes on his back and a fire in his belly to become something in this country. He succeeded where so many have failed, and even now, people want to take what’s his. One day he will retire, and I will take over. Do you see why I have no time for things like love and marriage?”
“No, Tatum?” breathed Star.
“No, Tatum,” I replied firmly. “No husband. No family.”
For the first time in my life, saying those things soured my stomach. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t proud. I wasn’t anticipating that moment like I had for most of my life. I spoke with every intention of showing these girls how incredible and powerful my life would be, how I would change the world and leave a lasting impact. But I abruptly felt deflated, empty.
Star’s nose wrinkled. “I don’t understand. Why can’t you be the boss and have a husband?”
I blinked at her. Wasn’t it obvious?
“Because business and pleasure don’t mix,” I said, repeating the phrase my father had echoed throughout my life.
“Marriage is more than just pleasure. Pfft, from what I’ve seen, I’m not sure marriage has much pleasure in it,” confessed Gabby. “Marriage is about… Oh, I don’t know, but if you’re lucky, it’s about companionship, partnership, children.” She canted her head to the side. “Don’t you want children?”
I swallowed hard. Of course, I wanted children. I loved little kids. I loved babies. I loved cuddling them, I loved the way they smelled, I loved their innocence and the way they turned to you with so much hope and conviction in their eyes. Conviction that you would take care of them, protect them, give them anything and everything they needed or wanted. But I knew I couldn’t have everything. I couldn’t have my clan and have babies, too.
“I have my brother,” I blurted out. “That should be enough.”
It wouldn’t be enough, but it was the extent of what I was getting.
Star’s mouth gaped open. “I love my brother, but he definitely wouldn’t be enough for me.”
I smiled. “Your brother isn’t like my brother. My brother’s on the spectrum. He will always need me, and I will always be there to take care of him.”
“I get that,” Gabby said reluctantly. “But do you really think you’ll be satisfied? Mafie women are meant to have children. Don’t you want to get pregnant and have a fun baby shower and also have a job? Your brother will always be part of your life, obviously, but can he take the place of an entire family? I don’t know, but it seems like you’ll be missing out. I’m only a silly teenager, so what do I know?”
Star snorted. “Don’t underrate yourself like that, Gabby. You’ve never been silly and know more than the average teenager.”
“Shush,” Gabby said, sterner than I’d ever thought she could sound.
Yeah, there was definitely something going on there. I remembered when she’d confided in me about her harebrained scheme to run away and escape the mafie. I didn’t dwell on it because their lives were so circumscribed their chances of pulling off a Houdini escape were close to zero.
“I said it before, and I’ll say it again. I’ve never seen Tatum look at other women the way he looks at you. I honestly don’t see why you can’t have everything, rule your clan, and have your own family. I mean, it would tear my heart apart to have my big brother move to Los Angeles, but I guess I could visit.”
She stretched out her pale, bare arms and inspected them. “I could do with a nice tan.”
I burst out in laughter. “What are you talking about? You’re so ridiculous.”
“I’m just saying if it makes him happy to be with you, then I’m willing to let him go so he can rule by your side in Los Angeles. He obviously can’t stay here if you’re going to be the queen of LA. Maybe there are some cute mafie boys out there. Let’s face it, the boys in my school are stupid and full of themselves. I might do better looking in another gene pool, one that happens to be in sunny California.”
Another peal of laughter escaped, and I clapped my hand over my mouth. “Sunny California is the best, but you’re hilarious. I just said I was called the Virgin Queen. I’m pretty sure that means I have to stay a virgin.”
Star scrunched up her cute nose in disgust. “Why? Simply because your father says so? You’re supposed to be your own boss, Clara. You’re going to represent a new kind of woman. You’re going to be the role model of what women can be in our world. Why must you follow rules dictated by someone else? Don’t simply follow your stodgy father and whatever stupid rules he’s imposed on you. You’re already breaking the mold. Why stop there? Create your own rules. Otherwise, you’re no better than we are, allowing these old people to arrange our marriages and our lives for us.”
I licked my suddenly parched lips. How was it possible for these two young, seemingly unworldly girls to tear down the scaffolding of my life with their innocently posed, yet deadly, questions? How? I thought with frustration because there was a throbbing, pounding unease building inside me.
