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Her fingers curled around mine in solidarity with me and my pain. It took some effort, but I didn’t pull away. I only wanted Clara’s touch. I loved my sister, but only Clara could make the pain go away.
“Alex tasked me with killing Ivanov as the only hope for you and Mama to remain in the clan. There was little chance I’d make it, but Luca and Nicu came to my rescue and helped me kill Ivanov. Alex agreed to keep this a secret. Only he and his brothers know. He won’t hurt you or Mama, but I have been cast out of the clan, never to return,” I concluded firmly.
“Never?”
Now the tears started flowing. My own throat felt sore, my chest burning with impotent rage and grief. My demon beat his chest, howling, feeling as if his heart was being torn out. He wasn’t wrong. It was. His and mine both. I loved my sister, my mother, with every ounce of me. Our family was torn asunder, but this was our new reality.
“Never.”
“Where are you going to go? Are you going to Clara?” she rushed out.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
“Let me come with you,” she pleaded with an edge of desperation. Her grip tightened further on me.
“I can’t. I still have Grigore to kill, as part of my agreement with Alex. Apart from that, I honestly don’t know if Clara will take me back.”
“And if she doesn’t?” she inquired.
“Then I will roam the earth like a ghost, I suppose,” I replied with a wry smile.
“I’ll roam with you,” she replied fervently, tears spilling down her cheeks. Her nose had turned red, running a little. She let go of my hand to use the sleeve of her shirt to dab her eyes.
“No,” I sternly countered. “This is your home, your world. You will stay here and take care of Mama. She’s not strong like you and me. She wouldn’t survive the humiliation alone, much less being cast out.”
“But I want to be with you. I want to roam the world with you,” she complained softly. “I don’t want to be separated from you, Tatum. You’re like my other half. You’re the only one who understands me and makes me feel like less of a freak.”
I jolted in surprise, the breath punching out of my throat. What the fuck was going on, and why was I hearing about this just now, when I couldn’t do anything about it. “Why would you feel that way?” I asked carefully.
She pulled away, drawing her hands back to her lap. She cast her gaze down, shrugged, and said, “You know how it is…how kids can be .…”
“Why do you only speak of it now?” I pressed. “Is it because of our father?”
It was a softer way of asking if it was because of our ethnicity, the way I’d been mocked and bullied as a kid.
She shook her head and said resolutely, “Nothing like that.”
Another breath escaped me. It was adolescence. “Listen, being a teenager isn’t easy, but you will graduate soon, you will get married, you will continue with your life. Most importantly, you will be safe here. You have people who love you. Once you’re married, it will be in your husband’s best interest to protect you, and your position will be further solidified. Alex has acted with mercy, and it’s not something I take lightly. I suggest you don’t either. Finally, never breathe a word about this to Gabby or anyone else. If Alex wants it to remain hidden, then leave it be. Do you understand me, Star?” I asked sternly.
“Yes,” she assented in a whisper. Her gaze jumped to mine and held. “I understand, and I will take care of Mama, but if I can’t leave with you, then I want you to do something for me.”
“What?”
“Go after Clara. Put yourself first for once.”
“It’s not that simple, Star.”
My heart felt like it’d been shredded in a meat grinder when I thought back on the horrifying lies I’d told Clara.
“I know you broke up to protect her. She’s a reasonable person, and she understands how things work. You did what you had to do, not what you wanted to do.”
I dropped my chin to my chest, suddenly exhausted. After blowing Ivanov up and running for my life, the amount of adrenaline rushing through my blood was in freefall. I was crashing fast.
“I don’t know what she’ll do, Star. You know me so well,” I said sorrowfully.
I’d always treated Star like a child, and having just realized she was an equal, I would never have the chance to develop this new possibility. Even if we talked every day, it would never be the same.
“I was on a death mission, and if I told her the truth, I was afraid she’d confront Alex.”
