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I flicked my fingers to my chin by way of explanation as I went on, “Look what he did to me. He was enraged and wouldn’t tolerate any backchat, Hagi princess or not. Then, I reasoned that if she hated me, she wouldn’t grieve me so much once I was gone. Gone is where I would’ve been if Luca and Nicu hadn’t found me. The idea of her in pain is like thrusting a knife in my throat. I couldn’t save you and Mama, so I went all-in with her. Surely, it's too late.”
Star grasped my hands, brought them to her lips, and kissed the bruises on my knuckles from the few times I covered my face to soften Alex’s blows.
“Keep the faith, Tatum. Kill Grigore. Go to her. Then grovel. Grovel like you’ve never groveled before. I know it’s a new concept for you, but do what you must.”
Grovel? Star was speaking of herself, of what she would need to forgive such a trespass of the heart, but she didn’t know Clara. I’d never win her back by groveling. She had no interest in a man that showed signs of weakness. Forcing her into submission, forcing her to forgive me, those I could see working, but grovel? No, that was the wrong plan of action for my dirty girl.
Of course, I couldn’t explain this to my sister. She might be stronger than I’d first assumed, but she had no idea about the kind of appetites I had, the games I played with my love.
A smile tugged at the corner of my lips. “That’s the plan, huh? You’re my sidekick now?”
“I would’ve been earlier, if you’d let me in,” she shot back succinctly.
Ouch, little sis.
“I’m never going to be a Clara, but I’m stronger and sharper than I look. Clara saw it in me immediately. You’re slower on the uptake.” There was a strain of sorrow in her tone.
“Oh, so you’re all grown up. You don’t need me anymore, huh?” I teased to distract her.
“I’ll always need you,” she said fiercely.
Her dark eyes blazed, and I saw some of the strength of which she spoke. It struck me that I’d been blind, and a bit sexist. If she’d been a boy, she’d have been inducted and fighting by my side at her age. I would’ve confided in her, expected her to help carry the burden of my secret, work beside me, and share in fixing it once it exploded. But, she’d been born a girl, and I felt it was my sole responsibility to protect her. I’d never really seen her in her glory. My sister would become a formidable force, and I would never see it.
My eyes grew soft. “I only wanted to protect you from this awful world, but I see I’ve underestimated you.”
“You did. It made you feel safe to coddle me, keep me hidden away and wrapped in bubble wrap, but you’re not all-powerful. And stop doing that,” she chided me.
“Doing what?”
“Looking at me like this is the last time you’ll ever set eyes on me again. We will see each other again. We will talk. I don’t care where you are, as long as there’s phone reception, we will be in each other’s lives. I will never be ashamed of you, I will never hide you, even if this secret comes out to wreck everything for me.”
“For your sake, I hope that never happens,” I said forcefully. “Don’t taunt Alex. It won’t end well. He feels betrayed, and his pride is hurt. Not a good combination.”
“I won’t provoke him on purpose, but I’m sick of keeping myself small, Tatum, and I refuse to be kept down any longer.”
“Is that what I did?”
“You did it, but I allowed it to happen.” She waved her hand in dismissal. “I wasn’t ready to shine. Regardless of how we got here, here we are. Secrets do not scare me. Yes, you’ve been cast out, but it has no impact on our relationship. If anything, I’m happy for you because you’re free to pursue your woman and create a new life and family with her. You deserve every happiness in the world, brother. Grab it with both hands and never let go.”
She’d rendered me speechless.
To think I’d deprived myself of the comfort and succor she gave me, like a salve to my stained and broken soul. I cleared my throat and switched the conversation back to her, wanting to know more. Desperation clawed at me to know more of this new sister, flowering before my very eyes.
I leaned forward, my forearms braced on my knees, and asked expectantly, “What about you? What are your hopes and dreams? I always assumed they were to get married.”
“They are, of course, they are,” she said. “But being tainted saves me, too.”
“How do you mean?”
“Because you won’t expect me to marry for anything less than what you have with Clara. I saw how you two are together, and I won’t settle for anything less. If I can’t have that, then I won’t marry. I’ll figure out something else to do instead. See, I too have been freed by the prospect of being cast out one day.”
Fuck.
I hadn’t expected that. My aim was for her to get married so that her husband could protect her from whatever vagaries life threw at her. Again, my sister surprised me. Not only was she being realistic, as opposed to terrified like any other mafie girl would be in her place, but she already had other plans, more thoughtful plans.
“You will never have to worry financially. I will always provide for you,” I stated. I’d created banking and investment accounts in their names. I’d have to teach her how to take control of them, but I had no intention of stopping there. I’d find a way to continue working with my unique set of skills. Hopefully, for Clara.
Dryness laced the inside of my mouth. My heart started pounding loudly in my chest at the thought of her and the challenge facing me. Jesus, I had no idea what kind of chance I had of winning her back.
