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A tumult of emotions tumbled through me, shame and anger and relief vying for dominance. I didn’t know if this new truth would change anything. I knew what it didn’t change. It didn’t change my past. It didn’t change what I felt for Alex and the twins. I already knew that it would change nothing for Alex. We’d survived attempts on our lives together. We’d hunted and killed together. For Nicu and Tasa, I didn’t think it would make a difference, either. Nor for the Lupu clan. I’d proven my loyalty and worth too many times to count.
Still…unease clawed at my throat. Cat had ripped my heart into shreds with her betrayal. Now, here was another lie. Both upended my life. Feeling dizzy, I brought a shaky hand to my forehead. My chest caved in like I’d been body dropped to the ground.
Tearing off my jacket, I yanked my tie off and unbuttoned my collar. I crushed the photo in my palm and said, “I have to go. I have to think, and I can’t do that here.”
Hands wringing together, she rose to her feet. Her worried eyes were glued to me.
“I know this is difficult for you, but please don’t do anything foolish,” she urged.
I kissed her cheek to ease her fears.
“I won’t, Mama, but I need space,” I reiterated and turned to go.
Discarding my jacket, tie, and phone on the ornate sofa of the living room, I stalked out the front door of my childhood home.
* * *
I walkedthe streets of Queens, heading north into Astoria. I roamed blindly for hours, long after the sun had set. I didn’t realize where I was until I found myself staring at the back fence of Cat’s home. I flattened myself against the brick wall of the house across the alleyway, hidden in the shadows of the balcony above me. Honestly, I didn’t know how I ended up here. It was the last place I would’ve consciously chosen, but Mama’s revelation had left me unhinged.
I could say that I didn’t know why I remained, spying on her house, except that I did. Anger gnawed at my heart, but also a yawning ache that I couldn’t shake off. As if attached to her by an invisible tether, our bond strengthened each moment I was rooted to the ground.
Under the balcony I stayed, watching as the lights went off one by one, except for the basement, where Nelu had his office.
Making my decision, I slipped away and retraced my steps to a drugstore I’d passed down the street. I bought petroleum jelly and a baseball cap to hide my face. Back at her house, I surveyed the area. Nelu had a few cameras installed around the periphery of his property. That’s it? The man probably thought no one would dare attack his home. I knew for a fact that every member of the family was handy with guns. Even Cat. If there were a breach, the intruder probably wouldn’t get very far before getting shot. One could only hope. It still left me uneasy about her safety.
Grabbing hold of a branch from a large chestnut tree, I jumped over the fence with little effort. Face hidden, I hugged the fence and cut between the trees of the narrow backyard. Advancing on the camera, I smeared jelly around the entire lens. Any image coming into their feed would be blurry. I took care of the other cameras before circling around until I was below her bedroom.
Gripping the rough stones protruding from the wall, I scaled the side of the townhouse and tried her window. Not only was it unlocked, but the thing was open. The fuck is she thinking… In fact, both windows were open to the balmy summer air, curtains fluttering from the breeze. Jesus. Did she have a death wish or something? Her parents were unbelievably irresponsible. Sheer luck and the fact that they had such a good girl were the only things that had saved her from some god-awful misfortune.
I stepped in through the window and remained still as I gauged whether she took notice of my presence. Turned away from the window, Cat’s sleeping form didn’t shift in the least. I took a look around.
Her room was…unexpected. I didn’t know how I thought an eighteen-year-old girl would decorate her room, but it wasn’t this. Among the heavy, dark wood furniture were bookshelves stuffed to the gills with books. There were books and discarded clothing covering almost every surface of her messy room.
I squinted at one of the posters on her wall, reading a quote by Susan Sontag in the dusky moonlight sifting through the window. Attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. Stay eager. Something about that tugged at my heart. There were two other posters, with quotes from Nietzsche and the feminist trailblazer, bell hooks. Sure, I knew she was taking a class on anthropology, but I wasn’t aware the extent to which my little fiancée was an academic.
Fierce pride seared in my heart. After perusing her eclectic collection of books, with topics ranging from Chicago Theory of Economics and philosophy to Anaïs Nin erotica, I snooped through her large ornate secretary desk. I figured it was only fair since she’d done the same to me. Two drawers were filled with journals. I pulled out the top one and flipped it open. Scrawling cursive covered the pages without break. From the ink smudges, it looked like she’d used a fountain pen.
I scanned over the last few pages and snapped it shut. Christ, she was ripping herself to shreds over what happened. Turned out Cristo’s life was on the line. I hadn’t been sure whether to believe her when she’d said that his life was at risk. People will say anything under duress. Okay, she was speaking the truth, but still, she should’ve come directly to me instead of sneaking behind my back. She didn’t think I’d help her brother, which wasn’t an unreasonable assumption. I would have, but I didn’t blame her for not trusting me with that. I wouldn’t have automatically trusted someone like me if a beloved sibling was on the line. Cat was different, but she didn’t know that. I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I was weakening.
A little keening sound came from the bed. My gaze shot over to her sleeping form. Her beautiful face, so young, was pinched in pain. I had the insane urge to caress her creased brow and scrunched nose until they smoothed back into peaceful slumber. Today’s events had triggered her nightmares, and that thought did not settle well with me.
My resolve was cracking, and I shored it up by telling myself that betrayal and lies dogged me everywhere I turned today. But in the overall scheme of things, there were greater betrayals than trying to find something in my office to save one’s only brother. In the end, it didn’t matter, because even if I could forgive her, I had to resist Alex’s demands. But was that a good enough reason? The idea of fighting Alex for the sake of fighting abruptly lost its appeal.
Suddenly exhausted, I dropped into the oversize velvet armchair across from her bed. Sinking into the cozy down-filled chair, I realized that it didn’t fit with the rest of the room. This must be where she spent most of her time, reading her precious books. I took off my baseball cap and placed it beside a half-empty glass of red wine and an open book lying face-down on a small round table. I peered at the title. Romance? I grinned as I read the back cover. My little academic was also a filthy little girl.
My eyes were drawn back to her. A pang of longing rippled through me.
Shaking it off, I tilted my head back and closed my eyes; my nostrils flared. I caught fainttraces of nectarines and peaches, with those beguiling accents of fresh, green notes. I glanced down at my lap. Fucking fantastic. I was hard knowing her sweet, pliant body was lying underneath a sheet a mere foot or two away from me.
Cat shifted in her sleep, turning onto her back. Her arm flung out. Her foot kicked out and drew the sheet covering her halfway down her torso. Ironically, she was wearing a virginal white nightie. Her high tits pushed up against the thin material, her nipples beaded tight. My mouth salivated as I imaged those ripe raspberry nipples between my lips. The light from the streetlamp outside her window cast a hallowed glow over her face. Her pursed lips popped open, and she let out a poignant moan of pain.
Her nightmare was here, present. It had barely started, and already I couldn’t stand it. Moving to her bed, I sat on the edge and bent over, murmuring in her ear, “Kitty, wake up.”
She moaned, turning toward me like a creature seeking comfort. I urged her to wake up. Beautiful, sweetness, and other endearments effortlessly fell from my lips. She needed comfort, and so did I. I shouldn’t have allowed this indulgence, but after my mother’s revelation, here I was.
Eventually, her long eyelashes fluttered open. Half asleep, she moved toward me, hand reaching out. Her fingers tangled with the hair on my nape, urging my head down. I let her drag me down until our lips touched. Her tongue ventured out and swiped once, twice. Her grip tightened, urging me on. Our mouths crashed into each other. Her peach fragrance wrapped around me like a cloud of everything that was good and clean in this world. A lie, I knew, but I didn’t care. Plunging deeper, I took her mouth harder.
She jerked. Tearing away from me, her breaths came out hard and fast. She rasped out, “W-what is— What are you doing here?”
Ah, now she was fully awake.
