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“Will you… uh…” She trails off.
I grab her hand gently. “Whatever it is, you can say it, Doe. It’s okay.”
What pops out of her mouth next is something I didn’t expect, but it still sends a thrill through me.
“W-will you… will you h-hold me?”
My hand unconsciously tightens over hers. Her question surprises me so much I’m left speechless for several seconds. I never would have thought I would hear her ask such a thing, but now that she has, an ache forms in my chest with how much I want it. And if I’m honest, how long I’ve wanted to do it. This woman makes me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time, if ever. Things I’m not really sure I want to feel but still feel regardless.
I have to clear my throat before talking for fear of it coming out hoarse and revealing my strong need.
“Are you sure?”
She looks nervous and her hand becomes sweaty in mine, but her shoulders push back and she nods.
“Yes.” She looks down at our linked hands. “You make me feel safe, and this is my last night here. I-if it’s okay with you, I’d really like for you to hold me. I want to know what it feels like.”
She lifts her head and gives me her gorgeous bright eyes. In them, I see something that has my body warming. She’s scared, but she wants me to hold her just as much as I want to. It’s not a carnal or desirous look, but one of wanting comfort, reassurance, and the need to just be close to someone who makes you feel cared for.
“Okay.”
I release her hand and sit back against the cushions. I rest my arm along the back of the couch, giving her room to move in beside me, letting her choose how close she wants to be. She holds still for a moment, looking at the space I’ve left for her, before inhaling deeply and slowly sliding closer. As soon as her warmth hits me, I close my eyes at how good it feels. Her scent hits me next, and before I realize what I’m doing, I pull in a deep breath to bring in more.
Her body is stiff at first, and I hold my breath, praying she doesn’t change her mind. She’s never been this close to me. Even when she fell asleep on me at the hospital, she wasn’t this close, and she was unconscious, so it’s not like she was there on purpose. I find it feels incredibly fucking good and right to have her in my arms.
Once she’s settled back and seems to be staying that way, I lift my arm off the back of the couch and gently lay it over her shoulders. Her body stiffens again for a split second before relaxing. She releases a small sigh and lays her head on my upper chest. I’m sure she hears my erratic heartbeat, but she doesn’t say anything. I bet her heartbeat is beating just as crazily as mine is.
“You ready to watch the movie?” I ask quietly.
“Yes, please.”
I can’t help but smile at the content tone of her voice.
Reaching over, I grab the remote from the table and press play. I set the bowl of popcorn in my lap, and we both eat it as the movie starts playing.
After about thirty minutes, she curls her legs up on the couch and leans them against my thighs. Her hands rest in her lap. Once we’re done with the popcorn, I move the bowl back to the table. She sips from her water, seemingly engrossed in the movie. I try to pay attention to the television, but I’m having a really hard time concentrating. It’s been a long time since I’ve held a woman, and the woman there now is much different than any other woman I’ve been with. She’s more. So much more.
Every few minutes, I look down. I can’t see much of her face, but she looks peaceful. Much different from how she did when I first came home. Her eyes looked haunted then with some of the fear coming back that hadn’t been there the past week. The look is gone now, but I know it’ll be back tomorrow. I hate that she’s afraid, but I know she’s strong and will overcome it. She’s overcome so much already.
When the credits start to roll on the screen, I glance down to find her eyes closed. A smile touches my lips at the knowledge she felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in my arms. It makes me feel like the king of the universe.
I sit for a long time, not ready to give up the feeling of having her here with me like this. My arm starts to fall asleep with the awkward lifted position, but I don’t care. I’d chop my arm off if it meant I could hold her longer.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but I know I need to get her in bed. She may appear comfortable, but I know she can’t be as comfortable as she needs to get a good night’s sleep.
I gently lift my arm, making sure to hold her body until I can wedge out from behind her. Once I’m sitting on the edge of the couch, I slip one arm under her knees, one under her shoulders, and carefully lift her small body. She weights next to nothing. She sighs in her sleep and lays her face in my neck. Her soft breath whispers against the skin there, and it sends goose bumps over my body.
She hasn’t slept in this house since that first night, but I really don’t want to wake her up. I keep my eyes pinned on her face as I navigate the hallway to my bedroom. Once at the bed, I gently lay her down. Not wanting to take the chance of waking her by pulling the covers from beneath her, I grab one from the closet in the hallway and go back to the room. She’s on her side with her hands tucked beneath her cheek. She looks innocent and carefree in her sleep, and it sends a pang to my chest.
Something shiny from the moonlight catches my attention, and my eyes move to the bracelet on Doe’s wrist. I never asked for it back because, for some reason, I feel like it should now belong to her. It was lost for so long and holds so much meaning, so it should go to someone who will appreciate it.
I lean down and place a soft kiss on her forehead. The bed shifts as Betsy jumps up and settles down at the end with a tired grunt.
“Watch over her tonight, girl,” I tell her with a gentle pat on her head.
I leave the room, only pulling the door halfway closed. After depositing our popcorn bowl and water bottles in the kitchen, I turn off the light and settle back on the couch. I don’t worry about getting a blanket or pillow as I won’t be sleeping tonight. I haven’t had a nightmare in days, but I won’t take the chance of waking Doe with one. Her terrified expression the one time I did have a nightmare with her in the house will always stay with me, and the last thing I want is a repeat.
In the dark, I lean my head back and stare up at the ceiling. An image of Aislin pops in my head. She didn’t smile often, but when she did, she lit up whatever room we were in. That’s what I see now, as if she’s looking down at me smiling.
