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Aislin still doesn’t say anything as she flips to the next page. I shift uncomfortably beside her. This page shows a woman on her back with her legs spread wide open. She’s touching herself.
I want to yank the magazine away. She shouldn’t be seeing stuff like this even though she’s seen it in real life with her mom and the men she has over. It makes me so angry that Aislin is so knowledgeable about these types of things.
“Do you like this kind of stuff?” Her quiet question has my eyes jerking to hers. There’s no censor or judgment behind her expression, only open curiosity.
I shrug. “Not really.”
“Then why were you looking at it? Where did you get it from?”
Her eyes go back to the magazine as she flips to another page.
“It’s my brother’s. I found it under his bed the other day and took it because I was… curious.”
She looks back at me. “Do you want to do this stuff? Like what the guy is doing to that woman?”
I look down, more to avoid her eyes than to look at what she’s referring to. Even still, my gaze catches on a woman on her hands and knees with a man kneeling behind her. His fingers are touching her private parts, and it looks like he’s getting ready to put his mouth on her.
The sight has me wanting to throw up, but it also does something else weird to my body. I feel a tingling in my jeans. The feeling is foreign to me, but I know it’s got something to do with my body reacting to the sight of a naked woman.
I stretch out my legs and cross my ankles, trying to push the feeling away. I feel weird talking about this with Aislin.
“Not really,” I tell her, not sure if it’s a lie or not. I’ve never lied to her before, and I don’t like knowing I might be lying now.
“But why were you looking at it?” she insists.
“I don’t know,” I mumble, wishing she would just drop it. “It was just something new to look at.”
“So you don’t want to do this?” she presses.
“Aislin, please, just give me the magazine so I can throw it away. It was stupid to bring it here.”
I hold out my hand, but she doesn’t give it to me right away. Instead, she looks down at it again for several seconds before handing it over. I immediately get up and stuff the magazine down into the bottom of the box we use for trash.
I still have my back turned toward her when her soft voice reaches my ears.
“You may not want to do that stuff right now, but one day you will.”
I turn to tell her she’s wrong, but stop when I see her looking down at her lap. She’s picking the skin around her nails. I can’t lie to her. It may be just a curiosity now, but I know one day soon I will be more interested in girls. I’m not stupid. I know it’s bound to happen. Aislin isn’t stupid either. She probably knows more than I do about sex and what people do when they have it.
I go back and sit beside her again, putting my arm back around her shoulders. She looks up at me with her beautiful green eyes. Even though we’re both so young and have no idea what it means to really love someone, I know what I feel for her is love. It may be the innocent, brotherly kind of love, but it’s love nonetheless. So when I see the sad look in her eyes, it makes my chest feel heavy.
“It doesn’t matter, North. No matter what happens later, you’ll always be my number one girl. You’re my North Star, my beacon.”
She smiles up at me, and all is right in the world again.
