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I want so badly to hold this girl in my arms and promise her everything will be okay. But I can’t. First, I can’t promise her something that may not come true. And second, I’m not sure how Mrs. Miller would take to me comforting the girl like that.
Even so, I reach over and grab her hand, needing to do something.
“You have the same cancer as your mom?” She nods. “Sweetie, you can’t base your own illness with your mom’s. She was older, so her body wasn’t as strong as a younger person such as yourself. There could have been other reasons why she wasn’t strong enough. She could have had cancer a lot longer than you. The sooner the doctors find it, the easier it is to fight it.” I squeeze her hand. “Don’t give up hope. Hope is one of the best cures. It doesn’t always help, but it never hinders.”
I can see the wheels turning in Erica’s head and a spark of hope lights in her eyes. I remember the helpless feeling she’s going through right now. It’s so much worse for her though. She has no family to get her through the tough times. I wish there was more we could do for her.
“Where’s Mrs. Miller?” I ask, and look both ways down the hallway, not seeing the woman.
“The principal called about one of the boys getting in trouble at school.” She points to a room down the hallway. “She went in there to talk.”
The door across from us opens and a nurse comes out, walking over to Erica’s chair. “You ready, Erica?”
“Yeah.”
“It was really good seeing you again,” I tell the sweet little girl. “And remember what I told you. Keep the hope alive.”
She nods, giving Trent and me a smile before the nurse turns her wheelchair around and wheels her into the room.
As if he feels my sadness and knows what I need, Trent grabs my hand and brings it to his lips. “She’ll be okay,” he says quietly against my hand.
“I hope so. She reminds me of myself when I was her age. But her situation is so much worse than mine was. At least I was surrounded by people who loved me.”
“She’ll have that too one day.”
I hope he’s right. No one should go through what she is alone. Unfortunately, the chances of her finding a family are slim. Most foster or adoptive couples don’t want to take on a child with a known illness. Especially an illness as debilitating as cancer. Or so I’ve heard.
A thought comes to mind, and I give it a voice before it begins to fully form. I turn in my seat to Trent. He still has my hand in his and I bring it to my lap.
“What would you say if I were interested in adopting her?”
His eyes slide back and forth between mine. Adoption has always been a possibility for us, since we can’t have any children of our own. Trent’s in his early thirties, and I’m in my late twenties. Neither of us are getting any younger. If we were capable of having children, we would probably already have one or two. The more I think about, the more the idea appeals to me.
“I’m not sure now is a good time for something like that, Ally,” he says hesitantly.
“I know right now isn’t. They probably wouldn’t allow it anyway. But what about after my treatment is over and I’ve been cleared?” I tug his hand and give it a squeeze, then look back at the door Erica is behind before bringing my gaze back to Trent. I look at him imploringly, needing him to understand this is something I need to do. “I can’t stand the thought of her going through this alone.”
“Are you sure? I heard what you told her, but there may not be any hope left for her. Her fate might already be sealed. Is that something you can deal with?”
My throat clogs at the thought of Erica not beating her cancer, but I straighten my shoulders anyway. “Yes. If I can give that girl even a sliver of the peace I had when I was her age, it’ll be worth any heartache I may feel.”
Trent doesn’t answer right away, and I begin to wonder if he’s still not sure on the matter. A small smile breaks across his face before it turns into a bigger one.
“Okay. Let’s do it. We talked about adopting anyway. Erica seems like a sweet girl, and her situation bothers me too.” He looks earnestly at me. “You need to be sure though, Ally. If it’s in God’s will, she’ll be ours for years. It’s a big commitment.”
I’m nodding rapidly with tears blurring my vision before he can finish his sentence. “I’m sure.” I grin big. “I feel it here,” I pick up his hand and press his open palm over my heart, “that this is what we’re supposed to do.”
“Okay.”
My heart feels full and I’m so happy that I don’t hear the nurse calling my name at first. Trent and I both get to our feet.
“Let’s keep this to ourselves for now. We’ll tell everyone our plans after you’ve gotten the all clear from the doctor.”
“I agree.”
Getting to my toes, I press a quick kiss against his lips and murmur, “Thank you.”
He lets me go with a smile, and I go to the nurse patiently waiting for me. As I sit in the chair and let the chemo do the work of killing off the bad cells in my body, I can’t keep the smile off my face.
