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I bring my attention back to Ashlyn. “You being here is enough.”
I set my cup on the table by the couch, then tuck the blanket tighter around my shoulders. I haven’t been able to get warm since I came home from the hospital two nights ago. I spent the whole day in bed yesterday, curled into a ball. Trent was by my side almost the whole time, soothing me the best way he could.
“Trent and I always knew we couldn’t have kids of our own,” I tell Ashlyn. “But for a split second when the doctor was explaining what happened and he mentioned some of my eggs could have survived, a flicker of hope formed. Of course, it was dashed away in the next second.” I look down at my stomach, that empty feeling still there. “I wonder if it would have been a boy or a girl,” I muse out loud.
Ashlyn takes hold of my hand and brings it to her lap. “I know it doesn’t help in this moment, and she’ll never replace what you lost, but you and Trent will have a child, and she’ll be lucky to have you as parents.”
Erica.
As devastating as our loss is, Trent and I want to move forward with the adoption, now more than ever. I loved the child we only briefly knew about and will always wonder what they would have been like. I wish with my whole heart things would have been different, but no matter how much I want that, I know it wasn’t meant to be. Our baby may be gone, but Erica is still here, and she needs us right now.
When I explained all of that to Trent and he saw the conviction on my face, he agreed we would keep our appointment with the adoption agency.
“I’ll never forget what we could have had,” I tell Ashlyn. “I know it sounds crazy, but I already feel like Erica is ours, and I won’t let her down. Yes, I’m sad and heartbroken, but it makes it a tiny bit easier knowing we’ll be giving Erica something she desperately needs. A family to call her own.”
Ashlyn smiles. “I can’t wait to meet her.”
For the first time in days, I smile a real smile. “You’ll love her. She’s the sweetest little girl you’ll ever meet.” Hearing Destiny’s giggles come from the kitchen where her and the men are, I amend my statement with a small laugh. “Well, she’s at the top right next to Destiny.”
Ashlyn laughs, getting more comfortable on the couch by tucking her feet underneath her like mine. Her head swivels toward the kitchen before she looks back at me.
“I bet they’ll be good friends.”
I grin. “The best of friends.”
Trent walks into the living room, carrying a tray of food. I drop my feet to the floor so he can set it on my lap. He bends as he does so, pressing a kiss against my lips, then lingers for a moment. “You doing okay? You need anything else?”
I smile, reaching up to smooth my hand over his cheek. “I’m good.”
He must see something on my face that satisfies his concern, because the tension in his features slowly fades and he returns my smile with one of his own.
“Love you,” he whispers.
“And I love you,” I say back just as quietly.
Trent and I have hit many bumps in the road that is our life, and each one we’ve overcome. We both lost a part of ourselves when our baby was taken from us, but just like each roadblock we’ve faced, we’ll get through this one together too.
