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I was slightly irked that he was being obstinate about not talking about the night, and now trying to pass it off like there was nothing between us.
“Is securing a lodge and breakfast for a patient’s family member also normal procedure?” I questioned him.
“You were exhausted and in now shape to drive home. I assumed you would appreciate the full rest in a place like this after all you’ve been through,” he said.
“That’s a lovely,” I said, not wavering, and then I decided to go for the jugular. “I thought you putting me up here would be so that you could visit me, and then we could talk about our night on the terrace.”
His face grew stern. “I… it’s not quite that. I know you’d prefer to be close to your father. But if you kept going without any sleep, trust me, you’d end up so weak that you might be admitted to one of our floor units.”
“I already left him once, and I can’t leave him again.” I felt a pang of pain remembering how I’d neglected my dad to focus on my business. I wasn’t going to let that happen again.
“I understand. We advise family members to also take care of themselves. Besides that, nurses have informed me that they've overheard you blaming yourself for his incident. They think —”
I exhaled. “You have no idea what this is like,” I said in anger.
“Ella,” Dr. Pierce said, walking toward me calmly. “I’m not trying to upset you, I’m just trying to be realistic. I’m trying to restore your dad’s health.”
I held out a hand out to stop him from closing the gap between us. I was starting to shake. I couldn’t pinpoint whether it was regret for not being there for dad, exhaustion, from everything else going down the drain in my life, frustration that he wasn’t so much as talking about our first kiss, or all of the above. But what most annoyed me in that moment was that he wouldn’t even acknowledge our passionate encounter. It was as if he was some sort of alien, heartless robot.
“Ella, I can see how concern can bring someone’s state to levels that are no longer healthy.”
“Please, don’t judge how I handle my issues with my dad,” I snapped. “You don’t know anything about me since you decided to ditch me that night without so much as a word.”
I threw the bait out at him, begging him to give me a reaction, but he was a professional. He probably had angry patients shouting and screaming and being far less calm than I was right then. And I was anything but.
He sighed. “I’m not judging you. I’m genuinely concerned about your health and your stress concerning your father. As I said before, you are not helping him by slowly deteriorating. You shouldn't blame yourself for his heart attack.”
“I get it.” I said, stifling my tears, unsure why I was fighting this man. But I was angry, and my words flew out at him. “You have no idea what I’ve been through.”
I walked over to a sofa and sank into it, my shoulders hunching as I cried into my hands.
Why was I having a nervous breakdown in plain sight of a man I didn’t really even know? Shit! The burden of everything had just seemed too much for me at the moment. I couldn’t pull myself together even if I tried. Instead, all of my pent-up fear and frustration from the last week came spilling out.
I couldn't hold back from thinking I'd failed my father, and that the heart attack wouldn't have happened if I’d put my life on hold for him. He had told me a few months ago that he wasn’t feeling 100% anymore, but I had made myself unable to think about anything but my little fashion shop in New York. See how well that turned out too.
It had almost put my dad’s life on the line. The price to pay for my negligence toward him could have been fatal. I was lucky this time, and I never wanted to relive the dread I felt when I heard he had a heart attack ever again. It had been crazy. The car couldn’t get me to him fast enough, and I was terrified that I would lose him. Dad probably would’ve died if not for his neighbor who'd come in to see him and had swung to action. Fortunately, the ambulance had reached soon enough to administer CPR.
My dad had been so close to death. And I hadn’t been there to help him.
“I can't lose him…” I sobbed, shaking my head. “My mom was taken from me; seeing my dad so close to death scares the shit out of me.”
“I’m so sorry for your grief,” Armand said, sitting next to me while he ran a reassuring, warm hand over my back. “I can confidently tell you that your father is doing exceptionally well. There is no need to be afraid for his life. No need at all.”
I looked at him in disbelief. “So, he is going to be all right?”
“He is. I will do my best to ensure that,” he answered, his blue eyes were severe as they stared into mine. “His recovery is going quite well.”
I inhaled, my eyes not leaving his. “Is he at risk of having a repeat heart attack?”
“It’s hard to say,” he answered calmly. I could see affection in those eyes. “I should be able to get more concrete answers in a few days.”
I sighed. “I need to get back to him.”
“Okay. I have a few things to sort out but after them llet me drive you,” he said and made a move to stand up.
I stopped him with a hand on his wrist and did my best to ignore the jolt I felt at our contact while I looked at his somber expression.
“Thank you. I know you’re busy and you just had to see me in the middle of a breakdown. But I’m fine now. I’ll order a ride. It’s not far and I can get to my dad.” I let a nod accompany my calm words. “I appreciate your help. You’ve done more than enough for us already”
He nodded slowly and sank back into the couch.
I was on my way to dad shortly after my meltdown, pointedly still not any closer to figuring out what had happened that night where he left me all hot and bothered on the terrace. I had heard Dr. Pierce on the phone in the other room while I was leaving. He seemed to be a very busy man. I couldn't thank him enough for what he was doing for my dad and me.
I was in a confused frame of mind, with different things clouding my judgment. Armand was one of them.
I couldn’t honestly place what I felt for the man, but it was strong and intense, and his presence tempted me to explore those feelings further.
