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I believe the common denominator of the Universe is not harmony, but chaos, hostility and murder
WERNER HERZOG
Idrove with the windows rolled down, the humid summer air whipping at my wet cheeks. The tears kept on coming. The breaking of the devil’s lover that was sitting where my heart was taking my breath from my lungs.
The scent of spring’s blossoms lingered in my nostrils, heady and sweet, mixing with the crispness of the night. She would never smell spring blossoms again. Never smile lopsidedly, like she was holding the secrets of the universe between her lips. To press a dress against my chest and screaming in excitement. “Yes, lady, this is you, killer in blue with black heels. Let’s go break all the boys’ hearts.”Shimmy her shoulders excitedly, her signature pink Rose wine spilling from the glass that was always overfilled. The way her eyes shone with undying love for this world like it didn’t fuck you in the ass royally each day. Like it didn’t give her a death sentence so violent that I thought it would kill me. At twenty-six years old we were too young to be dying. I needed to escape. Where could I go to numb this shattering, suffocating fucking pain from my soul!
“Why’d you have to do this, Bellz? I hate you. I love you, no, I hate you. No, I’m sorry I love you. I can’t live without you,” I screamed out the window, the breeze whipping through my messy bun, slightly drying out my raw red eyes.
In the distance, a neon light flashed, catching my eye.
Club Envy.
Mmm, I took a sharp turn left, whipped a U-turn and parked among the matte black SUVs and Audi’s in the front of that club. The line went all down the street to the alley and sunk into the seedy darkness.
I stumbled out of my modest Tesla that screamed money and power. It was all my father’s. I didn’t fit the scene. I was dressed in gray sweats, a baggy tee and no fucking shoes, just white socks.
My feet carried me forward. I stood at the front of the line looking up at the electric purple neon sign. A bouncer whistles. I look around me and back at him pointing to my chest mouthing ‘me’. He looks at me in the eyes. “Yes, princess, you—and you’re late.” His voice was clipped like I had made him angry, and I was unsure what the fuck I was late for. “They are looking for you.” I looked around me at the girls dressed in tiny scraps of fabric, sky-high heels and their long locks curled in perfect waves that sat just on their butts.
The huge bouncer stepped from the side of the entryway. Smoke flowed around him like a halo as the neon lights from inside bled out onto the street. The beat of the music vibrated over your skin also. He took a step toward me, and I took one back. “Little lady we don’t have the time to fuck around. You’re the new dancer, right?” His head cocks as he looks over my appearance.
“I gather I give that vibe, don’t I?” I laugh out as he reached for my hand and pressed the other to his ear.
“She’s here,” he snapped and before I know it, I was being thrust into the club. The lights blind me and the smoke type fog chokes me. A woman in a black G-string and sparkly silver bra with long tassels wrapped her hand around my arm.
“Thank God. The boss would have lost it if the main show didn’t turn up.”
“Main show?” I questioned, stumbling after her. It was electric inside. Men everywhere, women all over them, the air thick with money and sex. I felt alive.
“This could be fun,” I hear her voice inside my hair.
“I’m no stripper,” I mouth, to the woman dragging me through the maze of people and past a stage. It had poles dotted around it and a suspended hula hoop which was wrapped in white silk that dangled in different lengths through the air, then fell like a graceful waterfall—the club’s lights danced over the white bringing it to life. I felt excitement rise up and break through the nerves and doubt.
“No but you’re fucking my best friend and we eat bitches like this for breakfast,” she whispered out again like the devil she is.
“No, you did. I hide behind your horns and play pretend, hiding my halo.”
“Break the halo, Brenyn, and get lost.” I knew she was right. This was what I wanted. I wanted to lose my soul and numb the pain that came with the fact that not even two hours ago I had lost her.
