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I prefer to be alive, so I’m cautious about taking risks
WERNER HERZOG.
Iwoke to blinding light. I could barely breath and my hair, that was wrapped around my face, smelled like smoke. I choked on the smell and tears welled behind my closed lids from the pain inside my head.
I checked my phone. My mother and brothers were all looking for me
Tommy: Where are you, Brenyn? The hospital called so did Bellz’s mother. Call me back immediately.
Jimmy: Hey, sis. You good? Just got a call from Bellz’s brother. That’s some rough shit, man. Sending love eh, call me.
Yo, sis. You, okay? Sounds like you were involved in some heavy shit. Sending hugz.
Mother: I heard what happened. Quite terrible, But, Brenyn, you knew this would happen. Please come home so we can discuss this.
Discuss what?? What did she want to discuss? My best friend died in my arms. It didn’t matter if I knew it was happening or not. It still cuts deep and left me in a whole new, different type of lonely. Wow, Mother. Only ever about you and your emotions, I thought as I massaged my temples and read through more messages
Mother: Oh, Brenyn, it’s quite enough now don’t you think? Bella’s parents are beside themselves. You know I can’t manage other’s emotions.
Mother: You know how bad my anxiety gets when I can’t get ahold of you. You need to come back home, or call.
Mother: Oh for God’s sake, call Bella’s parents
Father: Brenyn, your mother is beside herself and I am unsure of how to manage this. You normally take care of it. I’m sorry about Bella but would you come back.
Mother: Oh, Brenyn, what am I to do? I’ve had to call in the staff to make me an herbal tea and run me a bath. I really cannot deal with the stress. Bella’s mother came looking for you.
Mother: Oh, Brenyn, I think I might die.
Jimmy: wow, sis, way to go. Ghost Mother, the drama queen that she is, is now blowing my phone up. Answer her PLEASE.
Tommy: Bre, bro, like ok. I get ya hurting. You lost your best friend, but you may lose your brother if you don’t answer Mother. Just sent her like a sad face emoji or something,
Mother: Brenyn, I cannot possibly breath. I feel like I am having a heart attack. Please call for Doctor Deo.
That was my mother. Self-centered even when it was my world imploding into minuscule pieces. Always worried for her own well-being before mine. I couldn’t help but smile at my brothers messages. I flicked them all the same message.
I needed to breathe. I lost my best friend. That warrants air to breath in and time to think. What possibly would I do without her?
I dropped my phone next to me and pressed the button on the remote that lifted the blinds and gave me a rather bright but breathtaking view of downtown Chicago. My phone vibrated next to me. I ignored it. They all could wait… the whole world could wait. It was time I made my own rules and stepped into a different world. I no longer had the sunflower bright yellow and stunning to hide behind. I was now stepping out of her shadow and blooming.
* * *
Ifelt lost, fragile, and unbearably lonely as I showered in the downtown apartment, a penthouse suite that screamed my father’s mistresses and weeps my mother’s misery. I cried huge tears under the hot stream of water. I could hear her whispering to me to get up as I sank down to the floor of the shower. I wanted to drown in a bottle of her perfume and wrap her long arms around my broken soul, while looking into her crystal-blue eyes. That moment in time, I sucked in a deep breath begging for air. I felt like someone had peeled away my skin in one go, and left me to carry my bones, veins and muscles in a messy heap of complete and utter brokenness. I’d just lost my best friend. The only one that counted. I didn’t even know how I was to go on.
Club Envy as Enigma. Become hypnotized by the music. Dance for them. Lose control for the first time in your life. Be something they’d never expect.
Her sweet voice echoed around me as I pulled myself up from the floor, then dried myself and got dressed. Be something they didn’t expect. Well, today, I had to be what they bred me to be… a lawyer.
