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Katie let out a laugh, and my heart immediately melted at the sound of happiness coming from her.
“Why is the only time you laugh is for my level of disgust for your physical relationship?”
Katie shrugged weakly.
“Can’t you just be happy that I’m not crying, Asher?”
Eating Evie’s cooking brought me right back to my childhood. All of us sitting around, laughing, and sharing stories. It was like no time had passed since we were all together. Watching everyone enjoying our meal and the time we had together was something I never appreciated before. It had become a tradition to spend the holidays together and to always be one family, but having lost that, even for just a little while, was eye opening. How Mr. Hanover would watch over his wife as she spoke, taking in every word like it was the single best sound he could ever hear. My mother’s smile always got brighter when she was around everyone. I knew she missed my father but having a support system to lean on that she knew would always be there for her brought her a sense of comfort.
Bridget sat next to Asher poking fun and telling embarrassing stories of ways he would try to get her attention the summer before they started dating. They had found true happiness with one another and I wouldn’t be surprised if they told us one day they were getting married. Sitting next to Katie the entire meal, her hand was glued to mine. Letting go of her was out of the question. I wasn’t sure how the rest of the night was going to go. Being in this moment was all I could ask for. That was until the thought of having to leave at the end of the night bombarded me. The idea of being away from her again was torture.
I had found something with her that not everyone gets. She was my soul mate. Whether she had realized it yet, I didn’t know. I knew, and I didn’t want to spend another day of my life without her.
“We’re going to go watch a movie in the den. Do you guys want to join us?”
Bridget leaned into the kitchen where Katie and I were helping clean up from our feast.
“Sure, sounds great. We just need to finish up here.”
Katie’s voice was forced out of her as if speaking was painful. She had barely said two words the entire night. A few necessary smiles and nods were all she really gave everyone. I wished I could get her alone to talk, but I knew that was going to be impossible.
“You guys go. We can handle the rest of this.”
My mother shooed us out of the room, and I knew not to fight her. Making eye contact with Bridget, I nodded for her to let Katie go ahead without us.
“I think I left my phone in the other room. I’ll be right in.”
As I hung back, walking into the dining room, Bridget was quick to follow without being seen.
“What’s wrong? I know that look.”
“Is there any way you could talk Asher into disappearing with you for like ten mins so I could talk to her alone? She doesn’t seem okay. Right? I’m not crazy. She isn’t her usual self.”
Bridget sighed.
“Yes, I can do that, but Nate, remember, this is a lot for her right now. She just spent the last four months thinking you weren’t coming back. She can’t just erase everything she went through. Give her some time to process it all. She’s not the same Katie that you knew.”
Her words caught me off guard. I hadn’t stopped to think about that. I had spent my time not remembering anything. The pain I felt from missing her and regret was short-lived. She had been going through hell for four months. I had stormed out on her after staying silent, as she dared me to never think of her or talk to her again. Then I disappeared which from what I heard, she blamed herself for.
Today may have been a grand gesture; having her surprised when the end of her scavenger hunt it led her back to me. That didn’t make a difference. Her pain wasn’t going to just go away. I did not know what her day-to-day life was like now. How her classes were going or who she was hanging out with. If she had been having bad days or good ones, I wasn’t there. The reality came as a crushing blow, forcing the air out of my lungs. Sitting next to her on the couch, she forced a smile as I grabbed her hand. It broke my heart knowing that I had done this.
“Hey Asher, can you help me get some popcorn?”
Bridget appeared in the doorway trying to pull Asher away, just like I had asked.
“Do you seriously need me to come help? My mom’s still in there, so she can show you where the stuff is.”
Walking in front of him, she stared at him with her hand on her hip. I’m sure Katie could tell that Bridget didn’t need help, but poor Asher wasn’t getting the subtle hint she was trying to give him.
“I needyourhelp. Let’s go.”
Grunting, he got up, mumbling under his breath. When they were both out of the room, I could feel Katie tense up like she was afraid to be alone with me.
“You can still talk to me, you know. Even if you want to scream at me and tell me how horrible I am.”
The only thing I wanted right now was for her to talk. I didn’t even care if it was about how the weather was outside. Biting her lower lip, I noticed her snapping a rubber band on her wrist. Placing my hand over hers to stop her, I lowered my voice, trying to be as gentle and understanding as I could.
“Please Katie. Talk to me.”
