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Chapter Eighteen
*****
Nate
The sound of her voice shattered my heart. There was no doubt in my mind that if I looked at her, I would break. Kissing her once was a dare. The second time was a conscious choice. Deciding to be an asshole after both times was just inexcusable.
There wasn’t a single damn thing I could say right now that wouldn’t sound like a bullshit excuse about my behavior. After the whole situation with my mom, I was aggravated. The more I thought about it, the more I came to realize my mom must have cornered her and gave no choice but to answer. It wasn’t fair to hold it against her when I never specifically told her not to tell anyone about it. I walked away from her that day at the fair, not fully explaining what I was doing.
“You’re with Brandon now, so what does it matter?”
Saying it out loud stung worse than I had expected. My lungs drowning in the words.
“So, if I’m with Brandon, that makes it okay?”
She stopped swallowing down a lump in her throat.
“I did text you just so you know. You’re the one who ignored me. So thanks for that.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, turning away from me. I could hear the sound as she tried to muffle her sniffles.
“You never texted me. If you had, I would have answered immediately. When I didn’t hear from you, I thought you wanted to forget it happened. I figured you just wanted to go off to college and be single. I checked my phone constantly. Nothing ever came through.”
I held my phone out to her, opening her texts. As she looked down at the phone, the lock screen flipped on, and my heart stopped. Looking back at her was the photo I had snapped of her at her graduation. It was the only recent one I had of her. The smile plastered on her face as she held her hand out, accepting her diploma. There wasn’t a moment I’d be prouder of her or more honored to know her.
Her eyes widened as they slowly rose from my phone to my face. Unsure what to say, I quickly pulled my phone back, ashamed she saw I’d placed her on my phone the way I had. If only she knew how many photos I had stashed away on my laptop that my mom would send. Every school event she took part in, our mothers would update Asher and me with a dozen photos. She pulled out her phone, flipping through it until she turned it to me. The text was sitting right there:
Katie: hey can we talk? I don’t like how we’re leaving things.
My stomach felt uneasy and the urge to vomit up the stale vending machine chips I’d eaten seemed unavoidable.
“I wanted to call you a million times, Katie. What was I going to say? That I missed you and couldn’t stop thinking of that damn kiss. I’m a bitch alright, I admit it. At Christmas, I was going to talk to you.”
Throwing my arms up in defeat, I turned, pulling the silver box out of my bag. I had been carrying it around for months, debating if I should still give it to her or not. Seeing her so happy with Brandon and then again at the bar with him, I knew giving her this gift would just complicate her life. I didn’t want to do that to her. Holding my hand out, she just stared down at the gift.
“But then I saw you with him and I knew I fucked up. Any chance I had at apologizing was gone. Then the whole thing happened with my mom, and I know I shouldn’t have blamed you or treated you like that. I wasn’t ready to tell her yet what I was doing. None of that matters. You’re happy now. I will not screw that up for you, Katie. You deserve to be happy. Here. It’s late but Merry Christmas.”
I dumped the present into her lap, and I crossed the room to sit on the end of the bed. Being further away from her seemed like the only logical move right now, safer to put space between us than hurt her anymore.
Carefully tearing the wrapping away from the box, she opened it with trepidation, each second feeling like an eternity. Pulling the locket out of the box, her lower lip quivered as I watched her swallow hard. I couldn’t watch her anymore. Shoving my hands in my pockets again, my feet carried me back to the door. I was serious about sleeping in my truck. Staying in this room with her, watching her sleep, it was too much.
“Nate stop.”
The force of her hand yanking on the crook of my elbow pulled my hand from my pocket. The force stopped me just short of the door. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pulled me down to her. Our lips collided with force into one another, causing a million tiny nerves to fire off in uncertainty. The same feeling of fireworks igniting within me as they always did when our skin touched. My arms wrapped themselves around her waist, pulling her in close, afraid she would try to leave. Her grip around my neck tightened like she needed me to keep her from collapsing. Our faces parted but she buried her face into my chest. I could feel her breathing become uneven.
Lifting her face off me, my voice lowered.
“Katie, look at me.”
She fought back, turning her head as if I’d never seen her cry before. Her arms lowered to around my waist refusing to pull back.
“I’m sorry. I feel like all I do is apologize to you. Since the day you came into my life, all I’ve done is hurt you.”
The tightness of her arms gripping my waist brought me a sense of comfort. My mind flashed back to when we were younger. She used to hug me as hard as she could before they left for the day. Telling her mom she glued us together and couldn’t leave. Finally breaking the silence, I made a statement that seemed safe.
“You didn’t even open up the locket.”
Pulling herself back from our embrace, she looked down at her hand where the locket was being held tightly in her tiny fist. Holding onto it for dear life as if someone was coming to steal it any minute.
“I didn’t need to. You read it, didn’t you? The book I gave you at your graduation party.”
I nodded; a bit embarrassed to admit I’d read a romance novel she’d given me. My fingers had traced over where she had written on the inside cover. Give it a chance.
When I started the book, I couldn’t understand how she read these things. I knew it would mean a lot to her if I told her I had read it. Even if I complained about how horrible it was, at least I tried. By the end, I was hooked. Not saying I was going to be running to the bookstore for my next read, but it wasn’t as bad as I expected. The entire book was about this locket the guy gave his girl. Inside were their photos inside to remind her she was always the one who had his heart. The same way no matter how much I fought it Katie would always have mine.
When Christmas time rolled around, it took me weeks to find just the right one. She would know exactly why I had gotten her a locket. I had seen her reading that book at least five times. It was a peace offering, showing her I did still care about her and that I wanted to mend our relationship. Even if that meant all we would ever be is friends, I didn’t want to lose her as a part of my life.
