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“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t have to hit him, Aria. I could have restrained him in a million other ways. I’m trained in Marine Corps Martial Arts. Restraints are a thing when you’re really trying to defend someone. What I did was wrong. Plain and simple.”
“It sounds like he deserved it.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he insisted, shaking his head.
He practically vibrated with tension, and I wished he’d let me wrap my arms around him and make it all better. But I knew he wouldn’t. There was some very loud, very insistent internal voice telling me to keep my distance. I wrapped my arms tightly around my body so they’d cooperate.
“Itdoesmatter,” I said. “It sounds like you were just acting on instinct. Like, he went to hit Chase, so you hit him. Right? What’s the problem with that?”
His eyes finally met mine, and there was so much torment in them that it stole my breath. “The problem is that it means I’m just like my dad.”
I shook my head. “No, it doesn’t.”
“How do you figure? If my instinct was to strike instead of restrain doesn’t that tell you something?”
“It tells me you were so mad that he was about to hit some innocent person that you wanted to do everything you could to stop him. It doesn’t make you a vicious monster who would hit his wife and kid. I can’t believe you don’t see the difference.”
“Yeah, well, they’re going to let me know tomorrow how much trouble I’m in. So the fact that I still hit him knowing there was a chance I’d get in trouble means there’s something seriously wrong with me.”
I closed my eyes, hating this for him. Will wasn’t a monster. There was nothing wrong with him. He was human. “They’ll be lenient on you. They know your heart.”
“My heart?” He let out a huff. “They may know I’m a good Marine, but I promise you, we don’t go around showing our hearts on our sleeve.”
I had no reply to that. Marines weren’t exactly known for being sensitive, but I couldn’t imagine that he could work day in and day out with these people and they wouldn’t know he was a good man. They had to be able to tell.
Will scrubbed his hands over his face and paced away from me. “Being Paul’s little sister wasn’t the only thing that kept me away from you, you know.”
I stilled, tracking his movements with my eyes. “What do you mean?”
“When you kissed me on the porch when we were in high school, it was seriously the best thing that had ever happened to me. I felt so… at home. So free. So good. Like, truly good, like the bad stuff didn’t exist. And then I remembered that the bad stuff did exist, and it was in my DNA. That’s the real reason I pushed you away.”
My mind whirled. “What? Will, you’re not making any sense. You pushed me away because of your DNA? What does that even mean?”
“I pushed you away because I was scared, Aria. I was scared that we’d be together, be happy, and then boom. Something would happen and I’d lose my temper. I didn’t exactly have the best track record at that point. I got into fights all the time back then.”
“Yeah, you did. But that doesn’t mean you would have hitme. That’s crazy.”
“It’s pretty crazy for someone to hit their wife and kid too, and yet—”
I rolled my eyes, frustrated now. “Again, you are not your dad.”
“But I have his blood. I stood there on that porch that night, imagining myself being happy with you one minute and then totally changing the next. Just like he did. The thought of doing that to you made me sick. I couldn’t handle it.”
He went back to pacing again, so I turned away, my eyes unfocused as I faced the water. Will had never gotten past the first or second date because he hadn’t wanted a wife. Or kids. Not because he’d been holding out for me, like I’d stupidly dreamed. Instead, it was because he was scared that if he had them, he’d eventuallybeatthem.
I shuddered against the image of Will turning violent on someone he loved. It was completely impossible. He’d never do it. Turning to face him again, I sighed. “Listen. Growing up the way you did, you’d probably need to be a robot to come away without any lasting scars or whatever. But that doesn’t mean you’re right. I know you well enough to know that.”
He quirked a brow. “Aria, come on. Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t do that thing where you hype me up when I don’t deserve it.”
“Oh, right, says the guy who insists I’m perfect. News flash—you deserve to be hyped up because you’re a good man, and I can’t live up to the version of me that exists in your head. Let’s get on even ground, shall we?”
His face snapped back like my words had come to life and poked him in the forehead. “Wow. I don’t even know what to say right now.”
