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“Oh, I promise you it will be.”
I looked down to cut off another piece, but when I raised my fork to my mouth, I felt my chair vibrate. My purse hung over the back of it with my phone inside, and while I knew being on your phone during a date was a no-no, I was nervous it was Lyndi or something.
“Sorry, one sec,” I told Zac as I fished it out. When I read the name on the caller ID, my eyes bulged, and I silenced the call before tucking the phone away again. “Never mind.”
“Who was it?”
“Uh, well, my turn for the trust thing. It was this guy I used to date.”
He pursed his lips, studying me carefully over the rim of his glass. “Used to date … as in, before we dated the first time or after we broke up?”
“After we broke up.”
I held his gaze. I’d known this conversation would need to happen eventually, and it turned out our first official date was going to be a difficult one all around. Hopefully, things would calm down as we got everything out in the open. It couldn’t possibly stay this touchy, could it?
“Oh, I see.”
“Zac,” I began, reaching forward and taking his hand, “I know you said you haven’t dated anyone since we were together, but, um, I guess I took the opposite approach to dealing with it.”
“The opposite, huh? How opposite are we talking?”
I felt my cheeks warm, but I lifted my chin. I had nothing to be ashamed of. Just because he hadn’t dated anyone didn’t mean I’d been in the wrong. “Let’s just say I was on a bit of a mission to get over you by staying in a three-year-long rebound mindset.”
His eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Hey, don’t you judge me,” I teased, determined not to let him make me the bad guy. “You’re the one who left me with no explanation. Everyone processes things in their own way, and for me, I was under the impression that you didn’t want me, and we were done for good. So, I tried to move on. But if it helps, I failed miserably.”
He was silent for a long moment. He watched me, and even though I tried to identify the range of emotions I saw in his expression, they changed too quickly for me to get a real handle on them. Pain? Yeah. Regret, I guessed, and maybe a little bit of jealousy? Then there was something like understanding laced with humor, if I wasn’t mistaken.
“I don’t even know where to start.” He sat back in his chair, letting go of my hand. Then he frowned and leaned forward, picking it up again and holding it firmly as he brushed his thumb over the back. “Let’s get one thing clear right off the bat. I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t want you. I promise that wasneverthe case.”
Heat flooded me under his watchful gaze, and I dipped my head, looking at my lap.
“And also, even though the thought of you with someone else makes me want to punch something, I can’t blame you. You were hurt, and you didn’t know the truth about what happened. And that’s on me. It’s not like I asked for you to wait for me while I figured out my life.”
My brows snapped together. “Was that something you considered? Did you think about telling me what was really going on and asking me to wait for you?”
“I wish I could say yes, but no. That would have been smart. When I ended things with you and bailed, I wasn’t being smart. It was rash and then too big to fix. Or so I thought. Again, not proud of any of this. I’m trying to say that I’m not mad that you dated while we were broken up, and no, it doesn’t help to hear that you failed miserably.”
I balked. “Oh, really?”
“Yeah. I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.” He stared down at our joined hands for a second, then he let out a sudden burst of laughter. “Okay, wait, yes, I do feel that way. But I alsodon’t. I would probably tell myself it was a good thing if you were happy with someone else, but I’d hate it. A lot.”
Squeezing his hand, I grinned at him. This whole night could have been a lot harder than it was, considering the topics we’d discussed. Instead, we’d made it through unscathed, and maybe even better than that. It felt like we’d removed a few rows of the brick wall between us.
“I appreciate your honesty.”
“Same. And uh, this guy who called, was it a random call or …”
“Yes,” I said quickly, holding up my hand. “We only went out on a few dates and haven’t talked since. Totally not going to be an issue.”
Relief flickered in his gaze. “Okay, cool. Well, if he doesn’t get the message from you declining his call, feel free to let me know. I’d be happy to answer the phone next time.”
The innocent smile on his face made me laugh, knowing full well he’d do it, too. But it wouldn’t be necessary. I was more than capable of making it clear to any guy from my single days that I was no longer on the market. And if things kept heading inthisdirection, I never would be again.
