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ChapterFive
TARA
Ifelt as though I were in a dream world, floating on air, as we left the restaurant. I couldn’t stop smiling, nestled under Johnny’s arm as we walked to the elevator. That had been…amazing.
I’d had dreams about the man, fantasies when I woke up and couldn’t stop my hands from going down to relieve the ache between my legs, but nothing had compared to reality. I hadn’t known it would feel that good to have a man touch me, or that I would get off so much harder than I could on my own.
“Have you always been such an exhibitionist, Tara?” he asked once the elevator doors closed and the floor began to move down. The dark blue of his eyes, stormy moments before, had lightened up a little I could see, and now held a curious tilt to the corners.
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. I mean, I’ve never done anything like that before,” I replied, knowing my cheeks were red. “I guess it started last night. Well, me acting on these weird thoughts I’d have sometimes, that is to say. Maybe?”
I knew it was a jumble of words that probably made little sense to him, but he seemed to grasp my meaning and nodded. “I get it. You aren’t a virgin, though, are you?”
I stared up at him, my jaw frozen.You aren’t a virgin.Did that mean being a virgin would be bad? My eyes were wide as I looked up at him, trying to decide whether to lie to him or tell him the truth? A lie right now wouldn’t be the best way to start this relationship off, but would he walk away in disgust if I told him the truth?
“It’s alright, sweetheart,” he said when my tongue stayed glued to the top of my mouth. “I just need to know if I need to be gentle with you when I fuck you the first time.”
“Oh,” I breathed out, relieved. “I, um, yeah. I’ve never been with anyone before.”
There was going to be more then? The urge to do that happy dance nearly overwhelmed me, but I squashed it down. I was twenty, not twelve. I’d do the happy dance later, at home. In private.
“Okay,” his hand came up to touch my cheek just as the elevator stopped and the door slid open. “That’s all I needed to know.”
His thumb lingered on my cheek before he pulled away. “Here, put your number in my phone. And your address. I’ll come pick you up later. We’ll do something.”
I handed him my phone while I added the info he wanted into his. My fingers didn’t want to work but I managed to get all the information in before he handed back my phone. There was a little thrill in how he’d stated what we’d be doing this evening. That wewouldbe doing anything at all surprised me.
He’d been aloof for so long, always finding somewhere else to be when I walked by, meeting my gaze every now and then, but looking away before I could smile at him. Now, he seemed to have come to some kind of decision, a decision that hadn’t included asking me if I wanted to do anything with him, but that was part of the thrill with Johnny. He took charge, did as he pleased, and he’d led astray in one of the best ways possible.
“I need to get some things here, are you leaving?” He asked, looking down at the bags at my feet, before looking back up.
“Yeah, I was on my way out when I bumped into you,” I said, my hand going to the silver necklace with a silver rose pendant that I’d bought earlier. I’d fallen in love with it as soon as I saw it in the jewelry store and had put it on right away. His eyes followed my hand, narrowing when they saw the rose.
“A rose you can’t give away, huh? Who knows, maybe I’ll be wearing it before the day is over with.” He smiled at me, clearly teasing me, but his smile was so charmingly lopsided that I couldn’t be mad at him.
“Who knows?” I repeated, my hand moving down slowly, as if remembering his earlier touch.
“A man can hope.” He stepped towards me, his hands going up to my face. “See you later?”
I nodded, my face tilted up to his. He kissed me then, the first kiss he’d given me. It was a gentle kiss, a mere brush of his lips against mine. I heard a groan and realized it was him when I blinked my eyes open and saw how he stared down at me.
“I’ll kiss you properly later, my lady.” He stepped away with a tilt of his head. “Until then.”
“Yeah,” I breathed with a smile, a little perplexed at how he’d talked me into all of this, but then I knew he hadn’t really. He’d just decided what he wanted to do, and I’d followed along. His pupil that needed an education.
I went out to the bus stop and waited, reminding myself to find a place to get driving lessons tomorrow. I’d never got my driver’s license. I’d had a learner’s permit, but the accident happened before I could get a license. I’d spent months trying to recover from that, and then I’d dropped out of school. By the time I was over 18, I was well into my addiction and a driver’s license hadn’t mattered.
But now, I wanted one, so I didn’t have to rely on the buses or trains.
By the time I got home, the encounter with Johnny had replayed in my mind hundreds of times. I tried to distract myself with hanging curtains and tidying the house, but I knew I’d basically agreed to meet with him again. I hadn’t said no anyway.
He’s in a motorcycle gang that distributes drugs all over Illinois, my brain decided to remind me while I was in the shower, preparing for my evening with Johnny. He was the last person I should be around, no matter how good he made me feel.
Bad influence.
That was what I kept thinking as I got out and dried my hair.
Run far away. Get your money out of the hiding place, and run away. This will not end well. It’s just going to lead to heartbreak somewhere along the way, and if you get your heart broken, you might relapse.
