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ChapterFour
GINGER
I’d forgotten how looking at Damien was like a kick in the brain, you forgot everything you knew as you salivated over the hard line of his jaw or imagined wrapping your hands around his…biceps. I’d also forgotten how very tempting he actually was up close and in person because of how alluring he smelled. It wasn’t just cologne; it was his scent that made my skin itch to be next to his.
I was…lost. I’d hated him since the morning he’d left me and hadn’t come back. I’d detested how sappy I must have seemed, cooing over him as he promised me the moon and the stars. I’d wondered if he’d gone home and not come back because of something I’d said or done, maybe I’d been too virginal, too clingy, too…something.
For months I’d wondered if he’d only wanted me because I was some goofy kid from back home that couldn’t stop staring at him. I’d wondered if I’d been a notch in his bell that he’d gone home to brag about to all his criminal buddies. I’d even wondered if he’d gone to my dad and told him about our night together. I’d lost contact with my parents over the years, my own choice, but I’d wondered if Damien had gone by to tell my do-gooder dad that he’d had me. Okay, so that was in my darker moments.
It took me years to get rid of the questions and now, I’d spend days, weeks without wondering. Sometimes even months would pass, until late one night I’d be in bed, trying to go to sleep, and one of those ridiculous questions would pop up. What had I done wrong?
I knew now that people liked to fuck for the sake of it, and some people would say whatever it took to get a woman to sleep with them. The questions came because Damien had already paid to fuck me, he didn’t need to convince me or lie to me to get me to sleep with him. So, why the lies?
The questions had nearly eaten me alive the first year or two, but I’d learned to shut them up over time. I’d developed confidence, if not necessarily an ego. I knew my own value and Damien hadn’t been a part of building that. If I wanted to have sex, I could have it with any number of people. It wouldn’t be as good as sex as I’d had with Damien, but he’d walked out on me. There were no second chances for people that walked away from me.
Yet, here he was, telling me he’d stayed away for my own good, to keep me out of the crosshairs of danger his life would bring to me. To protect me?
Did I believe that?
I examined his eyes, tense around the corners with a plea to believe him, before I moved down to his mouth. The tension there wasn’t worry or anxiety, it was wanting. The little gap between his lips, the way he breathed my name out was honest.
“So, you think I can survive in your world now? Why? Because I run this place?” I asked, demanding an answer that would get him in hot water, no matter which answer he gave so I relented. “I know you said your business isn’t as dangerous as it used to be, but are you sure I’m safe now, really sure?”
“You aren’t the little country girl about to be eaten alive by the cruel outside world anymore, Ginger. I kind of wish you were, but I know you aren’t and won’t ever be.” He paused, chewing over his words before he spoke, like the smart man that he was. “You wouldn’t have survived in this world if you weren’t capable of taking care of yourself on some level, Ginger. Walking away from you was one huge mistake, but if you’d let me, I’d sure like to rectify that mistake.”
Damien was still between my legs, but he managed to press right into me, in a most intimate way. I wanted to say yes, but my lips wouldn’t move, either to tell him to get out again or to tell him to say. I just…sat there.
“I hate you, do you know that?” I finally managed to say something, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
“I don’t blame you. I made a promise to you, and I broke it.” He paused, wetting his bottom lip before he continued. “Just one night, Ginger? One night and if you want to tell me to get out, that’s fine. I can prove to you that this is right, though, that you’re the one I should have had by my side all along.”
A big promise for a man that’s already broken one, I thought, tilting my head to the left to narrow my eyes at him. Could he prove all of that to me in one night? I thought back to the one night we’d spent together, and it hit me hard, especially with him so near to me. I’d been putty in his hands. No man, or woman, had ever made mefeelwhat Damien had.
And then I thought about how he’d nearly wrecked me, how he’d have completely ruined me when he abandoned me if it hadn’t been for Mason picking up the pieces and putting me back together. Mason, the brother I’d never had, made sure I didn’t fall apart, and helped me along, step by step, until I could stand on my own two feet.
“No, Damien. I don’t know how much plainer I can be about it. You had your chance and you fucked it up royally. You don’t deserve another chance. I simply can’t trust you and if I can’t trust you, I’m not going to sleep with you.” I had no idea why I was even giving him the benefit of explaining anything to him. Maybe a part of me wanted to spend some time with him, but I couldn’t allow it.
“I’ve worked hard over the last five years to make something of myself, and I did it all without you. You, to be frank, are nothing but a threat to my business, to the life I’ve built for myself. So do me a favor and piss off, alright?” I stood up, pushing him back and away from me. I left him standing there with a look of shock on his face.
Good, I thought, my back ramrod straight, let him gawp like a fish out of water. He deserved the defeat I’d just handed to him, even if I did want to run straight back to him. I dug my nails into my palms as I walked back to the dressing area and sat down with Tara. Now, this girl had surprised me. She was sweetness and innocence when she first walked into my club, terrified of being shattered.
She’d decided to take her future into her own hands and now performed one of the most erotic acts in the club. Her shenanigans on the stage weren’t just choreographed struts along the stage and artful climbs up a pole, she ended her set by taking a seat on the stage and getting herself off. The crowds loved it, her man loved it, and she made a lot of money doing it.
“Hey sweetness, how are you?” I pecked her on the cheek lightly and took a seat.
“Good, Ginger, how are you?” The pretty blond asked me back, her smile wide and full of joy. That was a unique look on a dancer’s face, I knew. It didn’t happen often, pure joy in our lives. I was happy she’d found joy and love with her man, Johnny.
“I’m fine, just avoiding the clientele.” I waved a hand in the direction of the bar and rolled my eyes. “It’s not worth talking about.”
“I understand,” she said, and I knew she must, she’d spent months with me now, she knew some of the clients we ended up with.
I wasn’t afraid to kick assholes out of my place, but Damien wasn’t the kind of asshole I meant. Our members were allowed to bring guests in, sometimes those guests forgot what time period they lived in and thought that paying for a woman’s time meant they’d bought the woman. Or that all the women in my place were for sale, they weren’t. Those people were put out as quickly as possible and I had the security to do the job for me. Which is another thing that had left me wondering about my decision with Damien.
If I’d really wanted him out, I’d have gone off to have security chuck him out for me. I hadn’t done that, and it puzzled me.
“What’s on your mind?” Tara asked, her makeup finished, and her wardrobe sorted with an ice-blue babydoll gown and a pair of matching panties. It was a nod to the old 60s style of nightgowns that I liked.
“Where’d you get that outfit?” I asked, avoiding the subject of Damien altogether.
