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"Well," I fire straight back. “So long as you don’t make me leave again.”
He leans down and kisses me. “That won’t be a mistake I make twice, Amber.”
“Freddy. Nothing could make me leave you now. Nothing.”
“Good. Come on, let’s get a drink.” Our dance over, he drops me from his arms and bounds for the open plan kitchen and giant fridge that resides there. “Champagne?”
“Champagne? Is it someone’s birthday or something?”
We hear a knock on the door just as Freddy fires the cork up into the depths of the ceiling.
“Shit, the presents,” I screech as I launch myself towards the towering pile.
Freddy grabs me back. “Don’t worry, it’s just Dani and Grant.”
I look at my wrapping mournfully. “What are they doing here?”
“Amber! It’s your birthday. Have you forgotten over the years? You always spend your birthday with Dani.” I did. I spent all my time with her before I ran away like an idiot. “Also, look at what I’ve got.” He reaches into a random kitchen cupboard and pulls out a white piece of material.
Grabbing it from him, I shake it out and then start to laugh. It’s the t-shirt Dani got me for my eighteenth. The one that says on the front, ‘My boyfriend’s hot’.
“Where on earth did you get this from?”
Freddy chuckles as he pulls it out of my grasp and drapes it over his chest. “I raided it from your bedroom after you left. Still true, hey!”
“Give that here.” I yank it away from him and walk back into the lounge. The doorbell rings again, reminding us that we still have guests waiting outside in the cold.
Freddy and Isaacare playing the Xbox, as they have been for about three hours while I’ve battled the turkey. I’m not sure why I am in charge of feeding the Bale family Christmas lunch. Everyone knows that cooking isn’t a life skill I ever learnt. I glance over at my boys. They are both sat cross-legged on the floor, their poses a mirror image of each other. The Xbox was Freddy’s present to Isaac, the idea being the car game was something they could do together. I wasn’t expecting them to rip it out of the box and load it up and that would be the end of their participation in Christmas Day.
I’ve got an hour until the Bale’s arrive, so I sneak off into the bedroom and pull one of Mum’s diaries out of the box under the bed. It’s my favourite one: I’m about seven and whatever medication Mum is taking at that time seems to be working. I can tell by the tone of her written words that she’s happier than she had been for a long time. I flick to the Christmas entries. Mum tells of how they’ve got me a bike for my birthday, but the helmet and knee and elbow guards are in my Christmas stocking and they are wondering how they are going to keep me off the bike until the following day. I’m getting the impression from the diary entries that I was a headstrong child. I wonder if that was why Mum panicked when I met Freddy at seventeen years old, because she knew that I was so determined I would just do what I wanted, regardless of any advice she had to give.
Dad gave mum a silver chain that year that she describes as looking like a finely spun moonbeam. Maybe I inherited my ability to write from her, and I just never knew it.
“What are you doing?” Freddy pokes his head through the door.
I smile up at him, happiness radiating out of me. Despite the turkey duty, this is shaping up to be one of the best Christmases I’ve had. “Spending time with my mum.”
I let a short blast of breath out of my mouth and it whistles between my teeth. I wish I could spend time with my mum, wish I could ask her why she kept this huge secret from me.
Freddy walks into the room despite the fact we can both hear Isaac calling him from the sitting area, telling him it’s his turn to play. “You okay?”
I nod slowly. “Yeah, it’s just frustrating, you know? Not knowing why she didn’t tell me. It’s such a huge secret for her and Dad to have kept, and knowing it now makes me understand my childhood much better. I wonder how different it could have been if I’d known.”
“Don’t you think maybe she didn’t tell you because she didn’t want you to have your life affected by her illness?”
“My lifewasaffected by it.”
We both sit and contemplate my words until I finally shake it off and snap the book shut. “Anyway, come on, it’s Christmas and its way past time for a drink. You guys can switch that game off now.”
“Oh.” Freddy grabs me and pulls me in for a kiss. “I was just winning. Can’t we play for another five minutes?”
I shake my head and start to giggle. "No, Freddy, your five minutes always turns into ten minutes, which turns into half an hour."
“But it’s not fair.” His eyes dance, inviting me to dive in and drown in contentment.
“Life’s not fair, Fred, deal with it.”
With a hearty smack of his arse, I walk back out to find Isaac scoffing chocolate. “Nooo!” I shout. "You won’t eat your dinner."
