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What have I been doing?
I fall to my knees, holding Isaac close. I can’t get us much further in the dark, it’s hopeless.
“Isaac, wake up.”
His eyes flutter and I snuggle him onto my lap, wrapping my arms around him, trying to keep him warm. “Isaac, Freddy is your dad. I’m so, so very sorry I didn’t tell you before. I should have told you the day you were born and every day ever since. He loves you and I’ve messed up so badly trying to do the right thing. He wanted you to know, but I didn’t want to upset you.” My cries become hysterical. “But I did that anyway.”
Isaac’s lips, now pale and tinged with blue flicker at the corner. “Does he really love me?”
Tears slide faster and faster down my cheeks. “How could he not? You two are like two peas in a pod. I’ve always been able to see it.”
“But you hated him. He hurt you. Isaac’s voice is a bare croak. I lean my ear right next to his mouth so I can hear.
“How can I hate anyone who gave me you?” I kiss his mouth, his nose, his eyelids, just like I did when he was a baby, back when I used to make him giggle with my incessant kissing and tickling.
“Listen,” I lean into his ear, wanting him to hear the promise I’m going to make. “We will go. We can pack up and go, just you and me. If you don’t want to be here with Freddy, then we will go, you’ve just got to get through this.” My words turn to pleading. “Please get through this and I promise we will go anywhere you want.”
“You’d leave him for me?” I can just catch a hint of his words as the sounds of the woods try to steal them from me.
“Isaac, I would do anything for you, go anywhere for you. You are the love of my life.”
Isaac fades again and I nestle myself against a tree trunk holding my one true love on my lap, as winter comes to steal us both away under the darkness of night.
