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“I’m always watching you. And yes, I knew you would freak when you found out I’d moved rooms. You know, I hope you’re going to read your messages a bit better when you’re away.” His fingers grip mine and he offers me a true Freddy grin.
This is it. Tell him.
“About that.” I shift uncomfortably in my seat. My excitement dissipating fast.
“Yes?”
I don’t know what to say. All my reasons and convictions evaporate into the air. Instead, I pull the folded letter from my back pocket and hand it to him.
“What is this?”
“Just read it.”
He does, slowly and carefully. Then he sits and stares at it, turning it this way and that in his fingers. “When did you do this?” he asks eventually.
“A couple of months ago.” I grab both of his hands in mine and shift onto the floor in front of his seat. “Freddy, I love you, I can’t imagine not being with you.”
“I love you too.”
“The thing is, Freddy, I believe you and I can be something,” I repeat words he said to me on our first date in the snow back in what feels like a lifetime ago.
Freddy bites his lip. “Amber, it’s such a lot for you to give up.”
“Stop!” I place my fingers over his lips. “I’m not giving anything up, I’m gaining.” I replace my fingers with my lips so I can drop a greedy kiss. “Right, I’m going to leave and get ready for the stupid prom. I’m going to go and do all that shit and then tomorrow I will wake up knowing that this summer, the only place I have to go to is to you.”
Deep ocean blues hold my own inferior browns and for a long moment, we watch each other. I wish I knew what he was thinking.
“I love you, Freddy Bale.”
Freddy lowers his head, his shoulders slack and loose until he lifts his eyes back to mine. “I love you, Amber French, don’t ever forget that.”
Six hours later,I’ve been primped and primed by Dani. I’m wearing a long, floor-length dress that clings to me like a shimmering second skin. We take some pictures so I can get them printed to show Freddy. My dad drives us to the hotel venue. I have a whole new respect for my dad and have been trying hard to show him with what limited time I’ve had available. It was him I told first about my place at Suffolk. He just smiled big and told me he’d support me whatever I chose. Mum, not so much.
“So be careful, girls,” he warns from the front seat, and Dani and I giggle like schoolgirls, which I guess, technically, we are for the next few hours.
“Yes, Dad,” we both chime in unison.
The hotel does look beautiful, I must admit. Woodford Green High does do a good leaving party. It’s all blue and silver, with fairy lights shining like stars. No one is on the dance floor. Well, Miss Roberts, the geography teacher is, but then she is totally nuts.
“I can’t believe this is it,” Dani gushes as we look about with awed expressions. An odd sagging relief pulls at my limbs, as though I’ve reached the end of a line I never knew I was trying to cross.
“I could be back for retakes next year,” I shout over the music.
Dani folds over with laughter, “Fuck, that would be funny.”
I mock frown. “Dude, it wouldn’t be that bloody funny.”
Dani isn’t laughing anymore; she’s looking over my shoulder. “I think your date’s arrived.” She tries to keep her tone sharp and jibing, but she has the most enormous cheesy grin on her face. I spin and look in the same direction. Freddy is walking towards me, down to just one stick.
My heart totally stops and then my knees shake, my mouth falls open and I’m unable to snap it shut.
Automatically I move towards him, weaving my way through the crowd, all of whom are watching. He looks beautiful: black tux, cut to fit perfectly, hair swept back and looking so sexy you’d never know he’d spent the last six months learning to walk again.
“You look beautiful,” I gush when I’ve finally fought through the crowd to get to him.
“That’s my line.” He grins, his white teeth shining in the dark. One arm snakes out and winds around my waist, pulling me in tight. He doesn’t ask, he just slowly steps us towards the dance floor. I can feel the slight jilt in his left knee against mine, but he doesn’t use his stick or struggle at all.
On the dance floor, he grabs my hand and spins me away, before pulling me back in tight.
