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‘What are you doing here, Freddy? You’re going to hurt yourself.”
His arms tighten around me until there is no space between us. Leaning in, he speaks into my ear. “I made myself a promise in January I would be here with you tonight. This is something everyone should get to do.”
A massive lump forms in my throat and tears threaten to ruin the make-up Dani spent hours perfecting. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He gives me a grin, but his eyes don’t dance.
“Are you home now, Freddy?”
His arms tighten a notch. “I sure am. I’ve been keeping it secret.” His words trail off and I’m left with the wordsecretechoing in my ears.
“I can’t believe you are going to be home. Just think, Freddy, tonight we can sleep in your bed, in your home, together.”
He doesn’t respond but his lips brush along my earlobe causing a flash of heat.
“What is it?” I can feel there is something wrong. Sense it. He’s here, he’s out of hospital, he’s mine, but deep down it feels like there is a hesitation coming. A flaw in the plan.
A beat of emptiness pulses in the air between us. A cold finger of fear pokes my stomach.
“Can I talk to you, Amber?” His words set off an alarm bell. He just called me Amber, not Amber French.
‘Sure,” I mumble around a scratchy throat.
He leads me outside. The balmy June evening greets us and envelops us in its warm cloak. The warmth doesn’t reach my stomach.
“Your walking is amazing, Fred.” I say to try to fill the gap.
“It’s thanks to you.” He nods his head towards me, and his fingers link with my own.
“But. . .” I prompt.
He sighs, his eyes finding mine in the half-light. “But, Amber, listen. I need to take a break, from us.” His voice is firm and sure.
The moment the words are out, I know I am expecting them. The moment I saw him, I knew.
“You can’t be for real.” My leg muscles tighten and my palms clench. He can’t be serious? “You wait for the prom—the prom you made me attend—to tell me this?” Anger flourishes inside me, riding on a wave of shocked adrenaline.
“It’s because of the prom that I’m saying this.” He runs a hand through his hair, making it stand up on end. “Amber, this thing we have is totally crazy. You know it’s not normal for people to feel the way we do. It’s too easy. It should be harder.”
His words are confusing me. ‘What should be harder?”
“Love. Don’t you agree? Who meets their first love at eighteen and twenty and lives happily ever after? It should be harder than that. Maybe we think we’re in love but we’re wrong.”
His eyes search mine, but I can’t believe what I’m hearing. WhatamI hearing?
“Are you breaking up with me because loving me istoo easy?” Please tell me this isn’t what he’s saying.
“Yes. No. It’s not what I mean. I just think we both need to see what else is out there in the world before we settle. So we’re sure.”
“What! You want to see what else is on offer before you decide to settle down with me?” I can’t believe this. Where has this come from?
My mind whirls back to the conversation I had with Mum back in March. The conversation where she said I should wait ten years before settling down.
“Have you been talking to my mum?”
“No.” But his eyes turn away and I’m convinced he has.
“Fucking bitch.” My anger boils over. I’m never ever going to talk to that woman again. I will never forgive her for ruining this for me.
