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His fingers squeeze mine in response, so I lean in closer still. “I have fallen in love with you.”
My tears start to fall, faster and faster, soaking the hospital linen with my relief.
“Amber?” his voice scratches out my name. “I can’t feel anything.”
I smooth his hair with my hand and lean into him, crooning his name over and over. “It’s the painkillers, baby,” I lie smoothly, just like I’ve been told to do.
“Amber.” His voice is so low, I lean in and place my ear by his mouth. His lips are cracked and they brush my skin with a slight scratch. “You’re a bad liar, but I love you.”
I could climb onto the bed and nestle in at his side, I’m so desperate to feel him, hold him. But instead, with a final squeeze of his fingers, I move out of the way so his family can get in to see him.
Mum leads me out into the corridor, and I let the wave of emotion I’ve been battling just wash over me. It pulls me under, my lungs struggling to draw air as I scramble for breath through the sobs. Eventually, I start to calm and find my mum watching me. “What?”
“I’m worried about you, Amber. Worried about what this all means.” She shrugs apologetically, but her eyes are determined.
“I love him, Mum. I can’t do anything different than what I am doing right now. It’s all I know.” These words in no way encompass any of the feelings I really have, but they are too hard to say.
I stare back at the door, already feeling the pull to be with him. With a deep breath, I reinforce my emotional reserves and then I leave my mum and her worries in the hallway as I find my way back to Freddy’s side — the only place I’m supposed to be.
