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Recovery
Then
“So, you know you should be at school?” calls a breezy voice from the doorway. Freddy and I both groan and his head drops softly onto my shoulder in despair.
Grant, Freddy’s younger and definitely more annoying brother stomps into the room and flings himself down on the visitor’s chair. He arrived back from Australia three days after Freddy opened his eyes and don’t we all know about it. If Henry was put on the earth to be a grouchy bad-tempered bastard, then Grant was put on it to annoy the shit out of everyone.
“Stay still, he might not know we are here,” Freddy whispers into my ear. Like we could be anywhere else.
Glaring at Grant, I extricate myself from Freddy’s arms. Our time alone together is so frustratingly limited, I’m seriously pissed it’s being disturbed. Freddy has rigorous physio every morning and has been for months. He cried the first time he went, and the second and the third, breaking my heart with every tear that spilled from his eyes. But now it’s mid-March and Freddy can walk slowly with sticks. It’s been a long, arduous journey. After Valentine’s Day, when he first got the slightest sensation of movement back, he’s been hell bent on fighting the challenges facing him. He’s learnt everything from scratch and the doctors are astounded by how quickly he’s progressed. Freddy told me it’s just his single determination to get out of that hospital bed and get home so we can have sex again. Sexy time is not allowed at the hospital, and I say, hell, any motivation is good motivation.
“I’m not going to school,” I say loudly, so Grant knows he doesn’t need to come and take over Freddy watch. We all like to make sure he’s not alone; it’s the one thing we all agree on. Before Valentine’s, it was because we were worried he was slipping into a dark place where depression occupied his mind, but now everyone mainly sits by his side, takes the piss and eggs him to get on with it.
The sodding annoying thing is school. Bloody school. They were supportive for a while, back in the early days, but the more time that passed, the less they accepted my boyfriend being in hospital as an excuse for me not doing any work, or even being there.
I don’t care. I can’t see further than Freddy. He’s all I see.
Freddy grins at me and shifts himself into a sitting position. His eyes dance like they used to, and I feel my heart squeeze in response. ‘Go to school, Amber French. That’s not a request, it’s an order.”
“Blah blah, who put you in charge?”
“I’m in charge of everything, you know that!”
He is. His brothers are constantly in here asking questions about this and that. Freddy has a stash of paper and pencils to sketch out designs for the business. Charles tries his best to make them; with Grant bumbling along, moaning about being dragged into the business. It’s clear Freddy is the nexus the rest of them orbit around. Sometimes when I’m lonely at night, or my tiredness catches up with me, I hit my low point and I wonder what our lives would have been like if Freddy had died in that crash. It’s not worth thinking about.
With a stroppy little huff, I grab my stuff. “Don’t wind him up,” I warn Grant with a stern wag of my finger.
“She’s cute when she’s bossy.”
“She’s cute all the time,” Freddy laughs as he leans up for a lingering kiss on the lips.
“I’ll be back later,” I speak against his mouth, unwilling to break the contact of our lips.
“You need to go home and fill in your application forms.” He looks directly in my eyes, and I suppress a groan.
The successful completion of my uni application forms is the only argument we have. I came in a few weeks ago and found his bed covered in prospectuses as he ripped through them all trying to find the perfect course for me. I was shocked he even thought I would be able to leave, which I told him in no uncertain terms. I didn’t say I was never going to go. I just said I didn’t want to go if he was still in hospital and as we didn’t know when he was going to leave, there was no point in me applying. That went down like a sack of shit. He got so agitated I had to back down and pretend I would still read the damn brochures and apply. I’m not. I’ve filled in the application form for Suffolk University and that’s all I plan to do. I can commute there.
“Yeah, yeah.” I wave off his concern and head for the door.
At school, I quickly seek out Dani, who is buried in the library under a stack of books. Interested glances follow my journey through the school grounds. I’ve gone from being nobody to being the girlfriend of a ‘cripple’. If everyone was surprised when I managed to catch Freddy Bale in the first place, then they are even more surprised I’ve stayed with him now he is no longer the hot boy in the flash cars. I don’t know what this judgement says about me. I’m going to go with not good.
“The wandering child returns,” Dani goads, as I fling my bag down. It’s a free period before double maths. The maths is becoming increasingly harder with the less time I spend working on it.
‘Shut it,” I grouch and slide myself down in a chair, not bothering to open any books.
“Okay, you do realise you still have to pass your A-levels to get into Suffolk, so you still need to do some work?”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, I know. I’m just tired.”
Dani’s eyes flit over me. “Amber, you’ve got to get some rest. You are like a walking zombie, and you’ve lost so much weight it’s hard to recognise you.”
I have lost weight, nearly a couple of stone. I’m no longer dumpy— which isn’t a bad thing. “You’re just jealous.” A small smile lifts my mouth, so she knows I’m not being serious.
Dani laughs. “Yes, I am totally jealous of the desperate, tragic, love affair which is grinding your life to a halt.”
“Oh, shut up.” I put my head on the table and contemplate half an hour of shuteye. Dani lifts my chin.
“Thing is, Freddy’s going to see this too. How do you think he feels about himself knowing he’s done this?”
