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Chances
Now
For the firsttime in a very long time, I wake up feeling lighter, and no, I didn’t drop the much-needed two stone hanging around my tummy and hips. What I mean is I’ve woken up and not been instantly pulled down by the weight of the secrets I keep.
For years I’ve told everyone the same line,‘I never got the chance to tell his father’. Now I’ve told him, and it feels weird. I spent so many years telling myself to hate Freddy Bale, teaching myself to forget about him; but how can you fight something that powerful? The moment I saw him, he broke down any defences I’d erected, and that was just when he said hello.
We’ve agreed not to tell anyone else. It’s not fair on Isaac and it’s not really fair on us. This could be nothing.
Something.
Nothing.
How are you meant to tell when the past leaves broken briars in its wake?
Last night, arrangements were made for Freddy to spend some covert time with Isaac, building the treehouse, but nothing much was said about anything else. Hardly surprising given the revelations of the evening, I don’t believe I had the right to ask for anything… how could I? But still, it doesn’t ease the unanswered questions gnawing at my insides like mice on cheese. As far as I can see, Freddy and I are friends who give yellow roses and who maybe, just maybe if I am lucky, get to graze lips occasionally.
See, now this is the problem. Freddy Bale is like an obsessive compulsion inducing drug to me. The moment I’m near him, I just want more, and more.
This is exactly what happened ten years ago. I had one date with the guy and practically summersaulted head over heels in love.
I want to do more than graze lips. Even if nothing else comes of it, hell, I want to doa lotmore than graze lips. I’m talking naked jigging, uglies bumping, sex face pulling.
Shaking off thoughts of Freddy Bale, I take myself off to the bathroom to get ready. I’ve got Mum and Isaac to sort and then somehow, I’ve been talked into going out for a Sunday pub lunch. I tried to explain to Dani that I have responsibilities now, but she assured me it will just be a quick bite to eat. By bite to eat I’m pretty sure what she means is an excavation dig for gossip.
Well I’m not cracking, my lips are as tight as an oyster and will remain that way.
“So you are telling me.”I look at Dani earnestly, as much as I can after three glasses of wine too many. My chin is in my hands, holding my head on just in case it falls off. “You are telling me, that you and Grant got together straight after I left and that was it, you never dated anyone else, saw anyone else, lived anywhere else?”
She tries to give me an evil look but can’t. Her eyes have been half closed for the last forty minutes. “No. I mean, it took him a while to wear me down, well, seven years before we got married, but still.”
“So what happened to the whole, ‘You’re going to ruin your life’ thing?”
“Now Imay.” She gives a theatrical flourish of her hand, which nearly knocks her off balance. “Have been over-reacting.”
I splutter wine everywhere. “Overreacting? You were a total bitch and not supportive at all.”
She nods her head slowly. “Shquestion is, have you forgiven me yet?”
“Nope. I need you to babysit for the next, well, forever actually.” This is a rare treat for me to get out. Isaac is over with Bailey again. Apparently, Henry is going to look after them so that Mai can come out too, although she’s late. Mai’s addition to our lunch was a last-minute plan change.
I lean forward conspiratorially. “So, Mai? What happened there? How did Henry bag himself a gorgeous Japanese wife?”
“Well.” Dani sways a little. “It’s a long story.”
I settle back in my seat, misjudging slightly and sliding down. I wiggle myself back upwards and return to anchoring myself onto the table with my elbows. “I have all the time in the world. Well, I have about an hour.” I need to get Isaac’s uniform washed and ironed. Or at least washed. Actually, I will settle for just finding it.
‘Do you want to hear it though?”
My eyes widen. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because, Amber, I don’t think you quite understand what happened after you did your little disappearing act.”
I shift a little, no longer sure if I want hear whatever led to Henry meeting his wife and creating their genius son. I was looking for gossip, not a guilt trip.
Man up, Amber.
“Okay, give it to me,” I say with a nonchalant shrug.
