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Just as I'm getting out of the car, Ben's oldest sister, Denise comes out of the house, already lighting the cigarette their mother won't let her smoke inside. She smiles when she sees me walking around the car, then, although I can tell she tries to hide it, she realizes her brother isn't getting out of the passenger door like he has so many times before.
I'll never tell them, because I know they don't mean to make me feel the way I do, but being around them is so painful because I can tell that when they look at me, they see Ben. They feel his loss even more. We were almost always together, so where there was me, there was him. And now when they see me, I think they forget for a moment that Ben won't be at my side this time. He's gone, and I'm here, reminding them of what they've lost.
But it's hard for me to see that change in their eyes whenever they first see me. Because when they've looked at me, when me and Ben sat on their couch, when we graduated together, when we left for college together, it was always me and him, side by side. They only ever looked at me and him with happiness, with laughter ready to spill from their lips, and that look is no more. But I also consider them my family as well, so there is no avoiding them, no staying away. There's only them and me both dealing with what it feels like to be in each other's presence now.
"Where are you coming from so late?" She arches a brow.
"I had a date."
"I've known you since you were in first grade, so that just sounds so weird to me." She chuckles. "How did it go?"
"Good."
She nods, exhaling the smoke. "How's your grandma?"
"She's good. Probably waiting up to ask me a thousand questions."
"You'll bring this girl around, right? If something comes of it?"
"I will."
"Good. It'd be nice to have a little joy around here for a change."
She puts the cigarette back to her lips like her statement didn't just hit me right in the chest. I rock on my heels, not sure what to say now, and she chuckles.
"Always the quiet one. Good to know some things never change." She stubs her cigarette out against the patio railing. "Goodnight."
"Night."
Steps feeling heavier than they did a few minutes ago, I walk to my front door. Just like I thought, when I get into the living room, my grandma tries to sit up like she was never asleep. The lines on her face from her leaning on something give her away.
"Go back to sleep," I chuckle. "You can ask me all the same questions tomorrow."
"Just tell me it went good."
"It went great."
She smiles. "Good, good. Now make sure you somehow get her to see you again."
"Okay Grandma. Night."
"Night grandma's boy."
I walk down the hallway to my bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed to take off my boots. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I fish it out, smiling when I see Jolie's name on the screen.
Jolie: Just wanted to make sure you didn't forget me on the ride home.
Me: You are an utterly unforgettable girl.
Jolie: Good. So that means you'll remember to ask me out again.
Me: I definitely will.
But I plan to see her much sooner than she probably thinks.
