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"She's joking, right? About making me watch the show?"
"Nope. She's really big on making people face their fears. I had a fear of clowns when I was younger and you do not want to know how I overcame that."
"Yes, the hell I do." I laugh.
By the time he's done telling me about how his grandma took him to a fun house full of real clowns walking around in it and encouraged to punch any one that got too close, the chicken is ready. I eat the last bite of the ice cream sandwich I know Elijah brought just for me while he plates the food.
"So you punching one helped you get over it?" I inquire as we sit back at the table.
"Yeah. Somehow hitting one and realizing they weren't going to eat me alive helped me. I know a lot of people would think she was mean to make me go in there, but I for one am thankful I'm not a grownup still cringing when I see clowns."
"I don't think it was mean. I think my parents did the very opposite. Made me and Callie afraid of everything. Scared of what others thought of us, to be ourselves, that we couldn't be anything they didn't tell us we could. So when they told us we weren't ready to move away for college, or even live in the dorms at Berkeley, we believed them because they made sure we would. It sucks that we didn't realize sooner that they were really just keeping us caged, too afraid to let us be free and become something that would make them look bad."
"It's not too late though, for you. You have two more years of college that you can live on campus"
"I don't really think I want to. I wanted to because I thought they'd let me and Callie go together, and it would let her get out of that house. But it never really mattered to me much to live on campus. I just want to...be free."
"So be free, Jolie."
I sigh, cutting off my first piece of chicken. "Much easier said than done. Mm, this is delicious."
"Thank you." he grins, eating his own. He finishes half before getting up. "Let me take a plate to my grandma."
He leaves and I sit alone in the kitchen, chewing on my food, asking myself if I'm really going to stay the night here. The thought of a damn good breakfast is appealing enough, but what will it mean?
And I know my parents are waiting for me to come home this time. I know our conversation isn't done. And when I don't come home, I'm sure it will be seen as some side effect of Callie's death, something to go to yet another useless family session about. Another example for them to point out as my lack of maturity.
But no part of me wants to leave. I don't want to go from this house, full of life and love, to the mausoleum that is my home. From sound to silence. From life to death. I can't do it, not tonight.
"So my grandma advised me to put on a good movie and not to let you leave the couch until you're smiling more," Elijah says when he comes back into the kitchen.
"Smiling more?" I ask.
His eyebrows draw down. "She said your smile looked sad and I had better fix it."
I stand from the table. "Well then, my smile is waiting Elijah."
"Do you wanna go to the living room or…"
"Your bedroom," I state before he finishes. "And can we bring some more cake?"
"Yes." He chuckles.
He cuts two more slices and puts them on a plate before getting forks and leading me down the hallway. I don't think I imagine the audible sound of his swallow as he opens the door. He flicks the light on, and I look around his room. It's very...him. Against one wall is an open rack, full entirely of hoodies. Next to that is his dresser with a TV on top. Against the other wall is his bed and I can't help but smile when I see the hoodie I gave back to him spread across one of the pillows at the head. Under the window of the other wall is a desk, his open laptop on it.
There's two beanbag chairs at the end of the bed, but I choose to sit on the bed instead as Elijah closes the door. He seats on the other side of the bed and places the plate between us.
"The movie choice is yours. If I don't have it on one of the hundred apps on this TV, we can rent it. Anything in mind?"
"Promise not to judge?"
He arches a brow. "Um, I think so."
"My favorite movie is The Crazies."
His mouth opens in shock. "So, wait a minute, you're afraid of scary movies and shows, but a movie about people literally going crazy and murdering people doesn't scare you?"
"Okay, so once when my sister was really down, she wouldn't get out of bed for like a week. But then she suddenly asked me to go to this free movie event they were having playing slightly older movies. It was The Crazies, but I didn't wanna tell her no and watch her get right back into bed, so I went. I was scared out of my mind before the movie started, even the trailers were already providing the footage for my nightmares, but the actual movie was great. Something about believing that could actually happen made it less scary I think. So, it is the one and only horror movie I can watch."
