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"More than I thought I could be."
I swallow because I know what he means all too well. This seems too good to be true, to smile, to laugh, to enjoy, after the losses we've suffered. Like this too could all just be snatched away and leave us plunged in darkness once again, alone, and hopeless. I wrap my arms tighter around him at the thought. If he has to go, then I'll hold onto him more right now.
We stay in the water until our teeth are chattering, and Elijah drags me onto the sand. He wraps a huge towel around me and another around himself.
"Sand castle contest?" I ask.
"I know I'm going to lose because I've never built one, but sure."
He's right. He's horrible at it, but I grin at his loop-sided tower type castle.
"A for effort." I snicker.
He grimaces. "Yeah, we'll go with that. Ready to eat?"
"So ready." I stand. "Good bye beach."
"We can come back tonight."
"Yeah. Let's do that."
We bring way too much sand back with us to the room and take turns showering and dressing. Pretty hot here, Elijah only wears a white T-shirt and loose shorts. The muscles along his arms make dirty thoughts run through my mind. I shake my head, remembering we actually need food to have any energy to do said dirty thoughts and pull my black and white striped tank top over my head. I step into my black jeans and when I turn around, Elijah is right there, hands going to my hips as his lips come down to meet mine.
"You look beautiful," he says.
“I try.” I joke.
He chuckles. "Come on. Let's eat and then explore a little."
We drive this time, down one street then another until we hit a place with seating outside. They have mostly seafood, but knowing how fresh it'll probably be, I excitedly look over the menu to choose what I'll eat. I get a spicy red snapper and Elijah gets fried cod. I make a face of disgust at him while the waiter walks away.
"What?" he chuckles.
"You're gonna have fresh from the sea fish, and you want them to fry it?"
"It's good. Well, at least when my grandma makes it. I'm surprised you didn't get some ice cream or something."
I hold up my pointer finger, stopping him right there. "That's why I got the shrimp cocktail. Still getting something cold to eat first, just not my usual."
"I stand corrected." He squirms a little in his seat, and I furrow my brows at his sudden nervousness. "So, how do you like going to Berkeley?"
"I like it. I like that it's small, small campus, small classes. Most of the professors are pretty nice, except the ones I have this year of course. The cafeteria has decent food, and people just kind of generally mind their business there."
"I was... I was thinking of seeing if I could transfer my credits from Lovett there and finish getting my degree."
My eyes widen. "Really? That's amazing. What made you decide to do that?"
He shrugs, but I can tell he's given it a lot more thought then he's letting on. "The other day I removed Ben's picture from being my wallpaper. And it kind of hit me that night how much of my life I gave up, or forfeited really, for him, before and after. And how I want to reclaim some of that. My degree is one of them. I worked really hard to get the grades I did, except towards the end before I left. I know I picked that major because I thought I could use it to help Ben, but I could still help someone, you know? Maybe prevent the next person who feels like Ben did from going down the same path as him."
"I can see you helping so many people Elijah. You love to listen and that's all some people really need sometimes, someone to listen to their pain and let them know it's okay to feel that way, that they're not alone. I know without even asking about everything that you sacrificed a lot for Ben, trying to just be there for him, so I know you would go above and beyond for other people."
He smiles. "Thank you. But I know I can't go back to Lovett. I would just run into the same problems I had that made me leave. So if you wouldn't mind seeing my ugly mug every day at school, I think I'll transfer there."
"I could never, ever, get tired of seeing your face. And getting to see it at school, and then after would be the best. When are you gonna go to Lovett and see what they say?"
"Probably Wednesday, when I have off of work. I just hope they don't give me any problems."
"I find that as long as you've given them their money, they cooperate."
