AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I kiss her lips, and she deepens it.
"I say we enjoy this bed one more time before we leave," she says huskily.
She doesn't have to tell me twice.
After we've showered and repacked all of our things, we head to the breakfast buffet before checking out. I put our bags in the car, but Jolie asks to go to the beach one more time.
"I wanna collect some shells to bring back," she tells me as we walk there. "You can put them in a bag and every time you open it, you get a little smell of the ocean again."
"I am determined I will one day find you an ocean scented perfume."
"I have looked." She chuckles.
We walk along the sand, Jolie's head down the entire time, picking up a shell here and there. Different colors and shapes, until she's using the bottom of her shirt to hold them all. But then, suddenly, she stops in her tracks. Eyebrows furrowed, I watch her scoop down and pick up an ivory looking thin shell. But she doesn't just drop it in with the other shells. She clutches it in her fist, bringing it to her chest, eyes closed, mouth tight. And it hits me that she's trying to fight back tears. She straightens suddenly and turns around, heading back to where we parked.
"I'm ready to go," she says, her voice hoarse.
I just follow her, knowing without needing to ask that this has to do with Callie. There's a certain pain that's there when it's her sister. It's unlike when she's angry about her parents or anything else. This pain is much more raw, much more true. Much more deep.
She silently puts the shells into an outer pocket on her bag. All but the thin shell. That one she puts in her purse when we get into the car. She looks out the window from that point on. One hour, two, not a word leaves her mouth. The only thing she does is reach over and link her hand with mine. She squeezes it so tightly that I look over at her, my heart breaking at knowing exactly what she's feeling right now.
When we reach the mountains, I finally hear her take a deep breath, maybe the beauty of the scenery bringing her back to herself a little. I see a sign for cliffs and jerk the wheel before I even fully comprehend what I'm doing, making Jolie's head whip around.
"Where are we going?" She asks.
I just nod towards the sign and her eyes widen.
"Are you planning to push me over?"
There she goes again, trying to make a joke, like she's not in pain. After pulling into a parking spot, I lean over and pull on her hand so she meets me for a kiss.
"Come on." I urge her.
I open her door and she gets out. It's colder here so I get her a hoodie from the backseat to put on. She pulls it over her head and puts her hand in mine as we begin walking. We see a couple of other people on the trail, but the higher we go, the less we see anyone. Finally, we reach the highest point. The winds rip here, making it a little too cold, but neither of us says anything about it. Jolie only pulls the hood over her head and I push my rolled-up sleeves down so they cover my forearms.
"Tell me what's wrong," I urge her.
"I'm sorry," she begins. "I didn't mean to ruin the end of our trip."
"Are you really apologizing to me again for something I've already told you, you don't need to?"
She gives me a small smile. "I apologize for apologizing." Then that smile drops, and she takes a deep breath. "That shell I got at the beach, the last one. They're called mermaid toenails. When I was younger, Callie collected a bunch and made me a necklace out of them. About a month after she killed herself, I got so mad that I broke the necklace. I've hated myself for that ever since. How could I have let my anger drive me to destroy one of the last things I really had from her? She gave me something out of love, and I let my hate for what she did make me break it. I can never have it whole again, just like I can never have her again." Her voice breaks then. "I can never have my sister again."
She looks over at me, and the utter devastation in her eyes kills me. "When will it ever stop hitting me like a ton of bricks? That she's truly gone? That I will never see her again, never hold her again, never hear her laugh or cry again? When will I wake up and just know it instead of having to remember it each morning, again and again, and having it break my heart all over again?"
"I wish I could tell you, Jolie. Or that I had all the answers for you, for me. I wish you could have Callie again, that I could have Ben again. I wish they hadn't left us with bearing the burdens of living without them. But I don't know the answer to when that will change. Maybe never. Maybe every morning, you get to forget for just a little while, that she's gone. You get to think of her without sadness in your heart. Maybe you would miss that once it's gone too."
"Maybe," she murmurs, then shakes her head. "I'm so tired of feeling so many emotions. I just want to cry and scream and break apart without everyone watching me. Without everyone thinking me showing any feeling other than grief means I'm gonna end up just like Callie."
“So do it."
Her eyebrows crease. "Huh?"
"Do it. Break apart. Scream as loud as you can. Shit, I'll do it with you."
She looks around us, and I turn her face back to me. "Don't care about anything or anyone else. Just do it, Jolie. Fall, break, and know that when you're done, I'll be right here to help you put every single piece back together again."
She swallows and nods, looking back out over the ridge of the cliff.
