AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter 13
I walk down the steps of the hall and turn in my second to last exam. The professor looks as ready to be done with this day and start spring break as I am. Walking out of the hall, I smile as I look up at the sun shining on me, almost making it entirely too hot to be wearing this hoodie. But it's Elijah's and not having his scent surrounding me now just feels...wrong, so I keep it on.
I've been looking directly into the sun so long that at first I think it's my eyes playing tricks on me when I look across the lot. But then he waves and I begin running to Elijah.
"What are you doing here?" I ask while wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Thought I could take you out for lunch," he answers before kissing me.
We've barely seen each other since we came back from Mermaid Town last week. My parents weren't home when I got back, but they made sure to interrogate me for an hour when they arrived. Where was I? Who was I with? How could I leave for the weekend with everything they're going through? It felt endless. Now, they're watching me likes hawks, coming into my room just to check on me, knocking on the bathroom door when I've been in the shower too long to see if I'm okay. It's driving me nuts. So between going to work, school, studying for the exams I've been taking, and being stalked by my parents, I haven't had much time to get out and see the one person who actually puts a smile on my face.
But now, he's here, smiling at me, offering me at least a little time to just...be.
"Please take me away."
He chuckles as he opens the passenger door for me. I direct him to a small restaurant close to campus.
"You see, once you start going here, I can show you all the good places to eat around here," I say.
"My own personal, beautiful tour guide. I like it. I was on the phone with Lovett earlier. They said I can pick up all the paperwork I need on Thursday."
"And then what's the next step?"
"Well getting accepted to your nerd school for summer or fall classes."
"Chances will be pretty slim after I tell them what you called them."
He laughs as he parks.
We sit down, and the server brings over two small salads and pita bread before taking our order.
"God, I needed this so bad." I sigh.
"That bad?"
I give him an exasperated look. "Worse. I thought they were impossible before, but now I see how wrong I was. I can't take it. Their eyes just follow me around the house like the ones on creepy photos, silent, but always watching. Every time they can corner me into a room, they're going on and on about how erratic my behavior has become. How I'm concerning them, and they want to have another family session next week. I firmly shut that down, and told them there’s nothing they can do to get me into his office again."
"You never felt it helped at all?"
I shake my head. "I didn't feel I could trust the therapist enough to actually tell him how I was feeling about anything. It more so felt like it was just a space for my parents to be forgiven by him because they certainly weren't going to get that from me. He would tell them it wasn't their fault, there was nothing more they could have done. It was all bullshit. How can there be nothing more they could have done when they did nothing?"
He nods. "I thought about therapy for a while after Ben first killed himself, but I always felt like I knew what I was feeling. I just needed to figure out a way through those emotions. I thought the support group was a good kind of halfway point between going it alone and going to therapy.
I scoff. "Not that group. I'm sure there are good ones out there, but not that one. The counselor makes it feel like the only acceptable emotion is sadness and grief."
"Most people in general do. I think it's hard for people to understand being mad at someone who killed themselves. Like clearly they were in so much pain that they couldn't bear it anymore, how can you blame them? But you do, because it doesn't make sense to you why they let you help them every other time, but this time, this time, they didn't want your help. They only sought an end instead. And you're left with anger and bitterness at them for leaving you, for choosing to die instead of trying to let you help one more time."
"Exactly," I agree. "If I'd heard that in a group, thought that maybe some of the other people there were mad too, it would have made such a difference. But it just left me feeling guilty, like something was wrong with me for being angry at Callie."
The food comes and Elijah and I naturally begin cutting off pieces for each other.
"You have work today?" I ask.
He sighs. "Yeah."
"Still awkward?"
"Yup. Every time Denise can get in a word with me, she's trying to convince me to talk to her mother with her."
