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CHAPTER 17
The rain from the nightof the meteor shower persisted through the week leading up to Christmas, and if the weatherman was correct, it would be a rainy and miserable holiday this year.
“I still can’t believe he literally set up an appointment with you.” Tibby said as she pushed the cart through the department store. We were Christmas shopping for Eloise, Pack Russo, and Cherry today. Theo was our ever-patient shadow, and he strolled a few feet behind us as we perused the different items that the store had to offer. I had already made everyone’s Christmas gifts on my sewing machine, so I was just looking for little gift sets to go with them. Grabbing a liquor-filled chocolate sampler off of the shelf, I put it in the cart for Eloise.
“I can’t either. It was like he was accusing me of being a gold-digger, while saying that I am a spoiled princess at the same time. ” I shook my head in disbelief. Marcus Whitlock had taken up far too much of my mental head-space over the past week. I hadn’t mentioned it to Rio, and when Adair had called to ask if I wanted to go on a date before the New Year, I’d just replied yes even though there was a nasty voice in my head telling me that it was a mistake to get more involved with this pack.
It doesn’t help that you think Marcus is hot,the little voice in my head said.Too bad he hates you.
Was it my fate to want to be loved and appreciated by those who hated me? Had my parents ruined me so thoroughly that I would never be able to have a healthy relationship? I didn’t need to be romantically involved with Marcus at all. Rio had made it clear that, while he and Adair were in a romantic relationship, Marcus was just their best friend. So, it stood to reason that I could exist amicably with him if things became more serious with Adair and Rio, but that just didn’t sit right with me for some reason.
He probably dates models and women who are prettier, nicer, and one hundred times better than you.The voice sneered, and the image of Marcus with a sweet little omega came unbidden to my mind. My heart gave a jealous little thump that it had no business doing.
I didn’t want that, which was crazy. I hardly knew the stand-offish Brit, and all of my experiences with him so far, had been negative. But something about the way his green eyes looked at me last week had set my imagination off full throttle. My dreams had been filled with alphas and knots, so much so that I woke up covered in sweat almost every morning.
“Are you okay?” Tibby’s voice cut through my thoughts, and I plastered a smile on my face.
“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be? I can’t be angry at him—he’s just protecting Rio.” I couldn’t fault him for that, even though the more selfish part of me wanted to do just that.
Tibby paused in the middle of the aisle and her multicolored eyes locked onto my face. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Do what?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable by how closely she was watching me.
“Throw a smile on and pretend like things don’t bother you. I won’t be mad if you vent to me or get angry at an alphahole who clearly needs to get his eyes, ears, and brains checked if he thinks you are a spoiled princessora gold-digger. You are allowed to be upset.”
This was too serious of a conversation to be having in a department store whileJingle Bellsplayed in the background, but Tibby Sinclair was nothing if not stubborn.
How could I put into the words my reasoning behind always being sweet and cheerful? Especially to someone who’d only known me as an adult?
Madeline, Age 12
“God, Madeline’s beensuch a downer lately.” My best friend Cassidy complained from somewhere in the bathroom while I sat frozen in the stall. Cassidy’s words were followed by a smattering of giggles from at least three other people.
“Right?” That was Lizzie, another girl in our group who was always trying to suck up to Cassidy. “Like, I get that she’s having trouble with her parents, but sheneversmiles anymore. It’s kind of creepy to be around her right now.”
“She’s like a ghost.” Said another girl, whose voice I didn’t recognize, before she continued in a wobbling voice; “OoOoOoh, my life sucks so I’m going to drag everyone else down with me.”
More giggles filled the bathroom, and my stomach twisted uncomfortably. They had all told me that they understood why I wasn’t very cheerful these days. I had clung to them for support and friendship, and this was how they really felt about me?
The past two months had been spent trying to rebuild my life. I had to buy everything new because my parents hadn’t let me take anything from the house, but there were things that I would never be able to replace, like my grandmother’s locket that she’d given me when I was little. She’d been my only comfort in the big cold house in Berkeley. I could never get that back.
I wanted to slam the door open and yell at the girls who were talking about me like I didn’t matter, but instead I just opened the door and confronted several surprised faces.
“Madeline...” Cassidy said, her eyes wide with shock. “We didn’t mean it.”
They did mean it, but that didn’t matter. The girls exchanged guilty glances with each other as I stared at them. I wished that I could share even just the tiniest bit of how I felt with them, but they wouldn’t get it. I didn’t say anything as I walked past them, and out of the bathroom. Once I was in the hallway, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Ric’s number. I still felt sick to my stomach, like all of the negative pent-up feelings would come spewing out if I let them.
“Hey kiddo, what’s up?” Ric answered right away.
“You know how I said I wanted to stay in school, even though it meant driving super far?” I fought to keep my voice even. Ric, Leon, and Gage had gone out of their way to drive me to school everyday, even though it meant leaving the city and fighting against traffic to get back in. But they had done that for me, and it was too bad that it had all been for nothing. Going to the same school, in the same school district as I always had, was little comfort to me now.
“....yeah?”
“Well, I changed my mind. I want to go to school in the city instead.”
Ididn’t speak to Cassidyor the rest of the girls who I thought were my friends after that. I didn’t even tell them that I was transferring schools. Even still, their words had stuck with me ever since that day.
When I made it to my new school, dour and sad Madeline was gone and happy, bubbly Maddie was in her place, and it worked. People flocked to me and wanted to be my friend, and I clung to that like a castaway lost in the middle of the ocean. All of my friendships were superficial and shallow, but at least I wasn’t alone. Sometimes, my real feelings and irritations slipped through and it put me into bad situations—just like when Zoey and the rest of the Barbies left me by myself in a nightclub.
