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Her heart lurched. She wanted to say yes. Oh, how she wanted to say yes. But all the obstacles that made their union impossible still existed.
‘But I’m a nobody!’ she wailed. She had a vision of a flock of outraged society matrons pointing their fingers at her and wagging their heads in disapproval if ever she appeared in public on his arm. Then going into a huddle and whispering about how she’d snared poor Gregory. Which would make her look scheming, and him like a pigeon for plucking. ‘Worse, I’m the product of a runaway match. I grew up following the drum, for heaven’s sake!’
‘Yes, I’ve been thinking about that,’ he said, ‘and talking to Lady Mixby, who remembers all the old scandals. Your father wouldn’t happen to be the same Edmund Carstairs who ran off with a girl he met at an assembly in some out-of-the way place in the north where he was stationed while he was in the militia, would he?’
‘Well, yes...’ she admitted.
‘Then you are from a good family.’
‘Not directly. I mean, yes, my father was well-born, but once he married my mother he was entirely cut off from them all. And they never acknowledged me. Not even once both my parents had died. It was the Biddlestones who took me in when I became an orphan.’
Even though they’d done so grudgingly. And ended up betraying her.
‘That will not be an obstacle to your social success. Everyone knows what a clutch-fisted man your grandpapa Carstairs is. People will be only too ready to believe he didn’t want the expense of bringing you out, if we start rumours to that effect.’
‘Why would we do any such thing?’
‘To smooth your path, of course. Not that it will need all that much smoothing. For heaven’s sake, your Carstairs grandfather is an earl, didn’t you know that? The Earl of Sterndale. Which makes you perfectly eligible. The granddaughter of an earl may go anywhere, and marry as high as she pleases.’
‘I don’t think of myself that way. Not after the way he repudiated me when Papa sent me to him—’
‘Yes, but since then your father has died a hero, hasn’t he? And even I remember rumours about how your grandfather shut himself away for a week and was as surly as a bear when he came out. I shouldn’t be a bit surprised to learn that he will acknowledge you now joyfully. Particularly if you are presented to him as my duchess,’ he finished with a cynical twist to his lips. ‘So that acknowledging you won’t cost him a penny.’
She sucked in a deep, painful breath. Then forced herself to say what had to be said.
‘In other words you are going to have to spend the rest of your life making excuses. Explaining me away. I had enough of that with Aunt Charity. And I couldn’t bear it if you...’ She turned her hands over in his and gripped his. ‘I don’t want you always to be ashamed of me.’
‘Ashamed of you?’ His eyes widened in surprise. ‘Why should you think I could ever be ashamed of you?’
‘Because you already are.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘You are. From the very first moment we got here, and your butler practically had an apoplexy at the sight of me, you have been obliged to make all sorts of excuses to explain me away.’
‘Perkins is far too good at his job to have anything like an apoplexy,’ countered Gregory. ‘And anyway, I don’t care what servants think.’
‘But I do. I don’t want people whispering about me wheedling my way into your life. Or you being made to feel as though you need to hide anything about my past—which you’ve just admitted you would have to.’
Gregory’s brows drew down. ‘For heaven’s sake, woman, the only reason I have come up with ways to smooth your path into society is because you are making an issue of your past. Nobody else cares or they wouldn’t be so keen to see us wed.’
‘They...your family...are keen to see us wed?’
‘Admittedly Hugo is thinking primarily of himself. Once I start producing my own heirs he thinks he will be free to live as he pleases, instead of having to train to be a duke. And even as I stormed from the room, vowing I’d make you change your mind, Lady Mixby was wittering on about how romantic it was and how she was going to look forward to introducing you to society by means of a grand ball.’
She looked at him then. Really looked at him. With a growing surge of hope swelling in her heart. Because all she could see in his eyes was determination.
‘So long as you aren’t ashamed of me...’
‘Never!’
She wished she could believe him. But actions spoke louder than words. ‘Then why did you send me to my room the moment we got here?’
