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32
‘So?’ Jen said, unable to hide the annoyance in her tone or posture.
‘So?’
‘Why do you want to chat?’
It was eerily quiet round the back of the hall, the building doing a good job as a sound barrier to the event happening on its other side. Its shadow spilled into thick, dark night, enveloping the unlit car park and grassland beyond the wrought iron fence.
Jen huddled herself against the stonework hemming the ledge above. This needed to be over, quick.
Even in the dark Alison’s nerves were clear. She’d never seen her persona crack like this, even on stage. The change in dynamics threw Jen in a loop.
Alison played with the ring on her thumb, chewing on her lip as she thought. ‘I didn’t expect you to be like this.’
‘What did you expect?’ Jen nipped.
A hint of tears rimmed Alison’s eyes and guilt clenched Jen’s stomach. It shouldn’t have, not after what Alison had put her though, but it was there, a heavy hand around her belly.
Alison let out a quiet laugh. ‘I guess I’ve played this out so many times in my head, I thought you’d be happy to see me.’
‘Happy? To see you?’ Jen couldn’t help but laugh.
‘I deserve that.’ Alison shuffled her feet. ‘Did you really never miss me?’
How honest should she be? Was she actually considering being nice? Since when did preserving Alison’s feelings factor into anything?
‘Perhaps once or twice,’ Jen eventually replied. The flicker of happiness in Alison’s eyes made her feel like a bad person. ‘I heard your song.’
If she felt bad before, the feeling was a tsunami of wickedness now. Alison broke out in a grin, her eyebrows arching into a hopeful frown. ‘You did?’ She played with the strap of her shoulder bag. ‘What did you think?’
‘Good beat.’
Alison’s brows fell. ‘And the words?’ She stepped forward with a slight stagger.
‘Are you drunk?’
She pulled a face. ‘A little. Dutch courage after you didn’t show last night.’
‘Did you really think I would?’
Alison held her gaze and Jen was transported back to happier times together. She’d really thought they were the real deal. Now she couldn’t imagine being with anyone but Holly. It was funny how something could feel so right one minute and so disastrously wrong the next. When they were good, they were good: when they were bad, they were bad. Alison wasn’t who she wanted any more. She’d missed her chance and would have to get over it, just like Jen had done three long years ago.
‘I think about you all the time,’ Alison said, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.
Jen didn’t quite know what to say to that.Congratulations, here’s a medal?‘A successful out musician like you? Surely you have girls falling at your feet.’
‘Doesn’t mean I want them.’
Time to cut this off. ‘Look, Alison. When you left you made it perfectly clear there was no room for me in your life.’ She went to argue but Jen cut her off. ‘No, let me finish. Why would you think after three years with no contact that you could just swan back into my life and pick up where we left off? Like, really? You think I’ve been waiting here, pining for you to come back? You broke my heart,’ Jen barked, stabbing at her chest. She took a breath, lowering her voice back to normal level. ‘I don’t know what’s changed, but I can’t do this, I’m sorry. I’m with Holly now.’
Alison rolled her eyes. ‘As if. You’ve been together three weeks, tops.’
‘So?’
‘You can’t feel anything after three weeks.’
‘I love her.’ The words were like cinder blocks to the ground.
