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21
Holly skimmed the sole of her shoe over the masonry sticking out from the grass.
Mum and Dad were off wandering around the castle grounds again, so she’d taken the chance to steal some alone time.
Bothwell Castle had sounded great over breakfast, but there was only so much that crumbling turrets and unfinished guardhouses could distract you.
She sighed, a little louder than intended, and got a funny look from a passing dog-walker. She forced a half-smile and was gifted a sympathetic one in return.
Her phone vibrated against her hand in her jacket pocket.
It would be Jen.
She turned over the message in her head again. Going from one extreme to another wasn’t ideal, but needs must.
Jen probably wouldn’t even care. Or notice.
Her exit from Jen’s wasn’t the most inconspicuous, but she really had helped Dad with the crackers, and again this morning before the castle, so it wasn’t a lie. She was busy: no harm, no foul.
So why did it feel like she was being shady as hell?
Reality had hit like a tonne of bricks last night. Whatever was between her and Jen was firmly on the friendship side of the tracks. At least for Jen. She had to respect that. The only way to get a handle on her heart was to distance herself.
She’d been living in a fantasy world, imagining moments between them that never happened. And yesterday evening, with Jen’s arms around her waist, she’d been seconds away from ruining everything.
Jen was her friend, nothing more.
Her phone was a hot coal in her pocket, threatening to burn through if she didn’t read the message.
Holly traipsed around to the other side of the remaining circular guardhouse, kidding herself it was super interesting. Why bother to start to build it, then give up? The information plaque didn’t give anything away. Change of heart, perhaps: they no longer wanted to keep the riff-raff out.
She felt bad for not being with Mum and Dad, but her mind was a constant buzz of thoughts: she’d found herself distracted and irritable all day. It wasn’t fair to take her mood out on them. She was much better keeping to herself and letting them enjoy the day.
A group of teenagers hung out by the park's entrance and Holly felt like they were watching her. Can’t a lone woman wander about the grounds and lose her mind in peace?
She pulled out her phone, distracting herself from their gaze. Her lock screen gave enough away without showing Jen she’d read it.
Just wanted to know you were okay. Wha. . .
The urge to know what the rest said was like a vice around her stomach.
This is ridiculous.
Three weeks ago she didn’t even know this woman existed. Now she felt like she wanted to cry at the thought of Jen not liking her back.
Still feeling the teens’ eyes on her, Holly went in search of a quiet spot. There were no benches near the castle but she wouldn’t have wanted to chance one anyway; she needed space.
Nowhere was perfect, so she settled for a patch of grass by the biggest, most intact turret. She took a seat and rested her arms and head on her knees, probably looking like the biggest sad sack on Planet Earth.
She’d brought this on herself, playing dangerous games with her heart.
With another sigh Holly looked to the sky, basking in the heat of the afternoon sun. Under any other circumstances, today would have been glorious. There was barely a cloud in the sky: it was a perfect summer’s day.
But it felt like storm clouds were overhead, heavy and black, blotting out any chance she had of enjoying it.
Might as well bite the bullet.
Holly whipped her phone out and read the remainder of Jen’s text. She just wanted to know what she was up to. Nothing groundbreaking. She’d reply later. If she texted back straight away they’d be right back into old habits. Creating physical distance wouldn’t be enough – she had to get Jen out her head as well.
