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‘We get along, Celia. You know we do. And we’re one hundred per cent compatible in bed—’
‘I was hurt,’ she interrupted him bluntly, ‘when I saw you with that girl. I suppose I knew in my heart that there was nothing going on there—’
‘Then what is all this about?’
‘If you’d just let me finish, Leandro...’ She breathed in deeply, but it was difficult to meet his piercing gaze. ‘I wasn’t just hurt when I saw you with...that woman. I wasjealous.’
Celia’s heart sank as she saw him get exactly where she was going with this. Hurt was a very different animal from jealousy.
‘And just then, at that very moment,’ she continued quietly, ‘I realised how impossible life was going to be with you, not despite the fact that we get along and we’re compatible in bed. Impossiblebecausewe get along and we’re compatible in bed. If I could treat this like you, as a business transaction, then it would be fine.’
‘You make it sound as though it’s deprived of all emotion.’
‘It’s deprived of one essential emotion. At least it is for me.’
‘I don’t do love.’
‘I get that, which is why I’m calling the whole thing off.’
‘This is crazy,’ Leandro grated, ashen.
‘Mum and Dad are going to be disappointed but it’s better for them to be disappointed than for me to face heartbreak every single day because I don’t want to face disappointing them.’ She paused and then continued, in the same low, even voice, ‘And before you tell me that it’s always better for a child to have both parents, I would say that you’re right but only if both parents are happy. You might be happy but I wouldn’t be, not really.’
‘You have my word that I would never be unfaithful.’
Celia didn’t say anything for a bit because she knew that this would be a big thing for Leandro.
What was he promising her? Were there things being said between the lines?
Hope sprang eternal. Celia knew that. She also knew that, for her own sanity, it wasn’t something she should cling to. Besides, what was said now could easily be forgotten in times to come. Leandro was a man accustomed to getting what he wanted at whatever cost. It would not probably even occur to him that he might be toying with the truth when he made a promise like that.
‘I’m going to hit the sack now.’ She stood up, just about managing to avoid bumping into him. She was already missing him! All her clothes were in the bedroom they had been sharing but tonight she would be sleeping in one of the other two rooms.
She grabbed her clothes quickly, half expecting him to follow but he didn’t. When she left the room they had shared, he was standing in the sitting room and as ill at ease as she had ever seen him.
‘I’m going to head down to the bar. I need a drink.’ He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at her, but Celia shrugged and mumbled something along the lines ofokay.
‘What time will we be leaving in the morning?’
‘We will leave the hotel around eleven.’ His mouth twisted into a parody of a mocking smile. ‘That gives us some uncomfortable time to spend in one another’s company. Do you think you’ll be able to do that or are we to abandon our attempts at friendship on the back of everything you’ve just said?’
‘No!’ Celia took a couple of steps towards him. She felt the prick of tears stinging the backs of her eyes. ‘This isn’t what I wanted,’ she cried, stricken. ‘It’s important that we maintain a good relationship...’
‘I feel,’ Leandro said heavily, ‘that we took two steps forward and then, suddenly, fifteen back.’
‘Because I broke the rules and decided to be honest with you?’
‘Because you changed the rules halfway through, without warning.’
‘I’ll see you in the morning, Leandro.’ They weren’t going to get anywhere, going over the same old ground. Celia turned away, aware of his eyes on her, and she only sagged with relief when the bedroom door was closed, then she leant against it, drawing in ragged breaths.
How had it all come to this? How had she gone fromA bit of Leandro is better than none at alltoI just can’t go through with this?
Seeing him with another woman. That was how. That was what had brought home to her just how tough it would be to face an uncertain future, always wondering when he might stray, always aching somewhere deep, deep inside, prematurely grieving something that would happen at some point in the future.
Yes, it would be horrible having a lifelong connection with him and watching him move on with his life, but at least she might be able to move on with hers. At least he wouldn’t be there, living under the same roof, with a wedding ring on her finger reminding her that this was her life and there was nothing she could do to change it.
Celia fell into fitful sleep, having changed into a baggy tee shirt and the soft shorts she had brought over to sleep in, before sleeping naked had become the order of the day. She wished she’d brought all her clothes across. She should have done that when he’d disappeared for a drink. If she’d done that, she would have been able to kill some time packing to leave in the morning. As it was, she nodded off to the bright light on her phone updating her on what was happening in the news back in the UK.
