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I turn around to him and cradle his face. He’s dodging again.
“But you said it for a reason, babe.” I kiss his cheek and rub it. “Talk to me.”
He looks into my eyes, and there’s a look of indecision there. He wants to say something, but he’s probably worried about how I’ll respond. He lets out a breath.
“My dad...started hitting me when I was ten.” He swallows, waiting for me to respond. But I just give him time to continue. “H-he’s the only one who calls me Jacob. And I hate that he’s the only one who gets to call me that. People started calling me Jake over time, and my mom called me Jacob up until she died.” He’s not looking me in the eyes right now.
“Jake…”
“My mom was the only woman in my life worth caring about. Worth thinking about. And then came you.That’swhy I want you to call me Jacob.”
I can’t stop the tears welling in my eyes. I pull him closer, hugging him against my chest. “Jake,” I whisper. “Why didn’t you tell me your dad hits you?” So, that’s who’s responsible for the bruises on his body. The bastard beats his ownsonup.
“Allie, baby, I’m a no-good son of a bitch. If I told you, it would’ve run you away.”
This is where I stop him. “Listen to me. There’snoway you can run me away. The only way I can leave you is if you push me away.” He looks into my eyes before leaning in to kiss me. I kiss him back, but I momentarily pull back, looking into his eyes. “But youhaveto stop dodging, babe.”
He gives me a small smile and reaches up to cradle my face.
“I have no other mechanism, babe. It’s the only way I can protect myself. That’s why I say you’re dangerous, Allie. You see through me. Most people can’t even get past the King Larson persona,” he chuckles.
I smile. He’s right about that.
“I only see through you because youallowme to, Larson. You think you’re tough shit, but in reality, you’re a giant teddy bear.” This makes him smile bigger. I would do anything to keep that smile on his face. Now that I know what his home life was like, I understand why he is the way he is. He doesn’t think he can trust anyone. He doesn’t let anyone get close to him. While it may seem selfish, I feel honored that he allowed me to reallyseehim. “That’s where all of your bruises came from, then?” I already know the answer, but I just want confirmation.
“Yes.” He has an intense, focused look on his face before he gulps and continues. “I’m sure you know my dad. Dan Larson?”
I freeze when I hear that name. “The Hall of Famer?That’syour dad?” I know nothing about hockey, but I know Dan Larson. That’s a household name. His dad’s a freaking celebrity. Which means...Jake is one too. Sort of. He nods begrudgingly. “So I guess you reallyareKing Larson.”
He laughs at this. “That’s me, babe.” The glimmer of happiness suddenly disappears. “I wasn’t always good at hockey. I was a kid that had two left feet and was super uncoordinated on the ice.” He looks like he’s telling a horror story. “My dad would punish me after each game. I guess some might say he whipped me into shape.”
“Larson, self-deprecation doesn’t suit you. You were achild. No matter how shitty you were on the ice, that shouldn’t allow your father to be an asshole.”
He’s making excuses for his dad. He’s good on the ice because of it, maybe, but beating your son to get him that way? I can’t accept that.
“Things got worse after my mom died. She got lung cancer. I still remember that day after we left the funeral. We lost her, and he forced me to train on the ice hours after we buried her.” I can’t bear to hear this. I cradle his face as I move closer. “Every time I missed a score during training...let’s just say getting hit many times with a hockey stick is themildestthing he’s done to me.”
There he goes again, trying to make a serious moment humorous. Tears are building in my eyes at this point, and I have to wipe them away.
“Jake, I am so sorry.” That’s all I’m capable of saying right now. It breaks my heart even more to hear that this was his childhood. An abusive father, a deceased mother. That’s a recipe for disaster. And yet...Jake Larson is a good guy. He may seem emotionally unavailable, but he’s still a good guy who puts others before himself. That alone should make him proud. I give him a chaste kiss before leaning up to kiss his forehead. “Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share that with me. It means you trust me.” There’s something new in his eyes now. It’s as if the intimacy and emotional conversation have revealed a new layer: vulnerability.
“I do, Allie. I trust you. I don’t want to lose you. But I feel like I might do something stupid that will ruin this anyway.”
He constantly says this, and I can’t lie; it makes me nervous. Does he intend to push me away?
“You seem to always give me that disclaimer, but it doesn’t change a thing, Larson. The only way I can leave you is if you intentionally try to push me away. It’s just you and me now, okay?”
He gives me a long stare, and it freaks me out. I’m preparing myself for rejection. If he decides he can no longer do this because it’s too much for him, I’m not sure what’d I do. I hold my breath until he smiles.
“Okay, Allie. It’s just you and me.”
I have the biggest smile as I kiss him again. I’m slowly falling for this guy, and it’s frustrating that I can’t tell him what Iwantto tell him. Because while he’s worried that he’s going to pushmeaway, I’m worried I’m going to pushhimaway.
“Jake?” He looks up into my eyes again with a yearning look. “I just realized that...if I’m not careful...I could actually fall for you.”
There, I said it. No take-backs. This feeling is scary, yet so fulfilling. He gives me a charming smile before winking at me. I roll my eyes as I run my fingers through his hair. He hums and closes his eyes. This is just...comfortable.
“Caution’s overrated, doll.” He’s such a blunt guy. But it’s the story of my life.
