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Remember when I asked what causes one to self-sabotage? Now tell me what it looks like.
Everyoneenjoystelling me what the fuck is wrong with Jake Larson. It’s as if I get an update every day about where he is. And I wish they would understand I don’t fucking care.
But youdocare, Leia.
Is it so much to ask to be left alone?
Perhaps it is.
Jake Larson can take care of himself.
That’s what I thought until I got a dreadful call.
“Coach Willis?” He never calls me. How does he even have my number?
“Hi, Miss Walton. I don’t mean to bother you, but I’m concerned about Larson. He put your name down for an emergency contact for this trip if needed, so you’re the only one I could call right now.”
Jake gave himmyname as an emergency contact? That just makes this incredibly worse. This trip is such an emotional disaster.
I clear my throat and respond to him. “Ah, got it. What’s this about? Jake and I are...kind of on a break.” For lack of a better way to say it.
“Oh...I’m sorry, I just assumed...Well, I just wanted to call and ask if you knew what was going on with him. He’s been missing practices, and we lost our last game a few days ago. We’re doing a quick scrimmage before we fly back home tomorrow night, and he’s not here at the arena.”
For fuck’s sake.They lost their game?I haven’t been present lately, given the situation.Self-sabotage: What does it look like?
“Oh my gosh. I’m sorry, sir. I haven’t seen him. If I do, I’ll let you know.” This is all I can give him. At this rate, he could be fucked up again in a nightclub downtown. It breaks my heart to even think this. But it’s the story of his life lately. He’s gone off the deep end, and it’s kind of my fault for it. But how he’s handling this is not the way to go.
“Thank you, dear. Just keep me posted.”
With that, he hangs up, and I’m left with my thoughts. I guess I have to search out Jake Larson now. I’m afraid of what I’ll find.Jake Larson, where the fuck are you?
JAKE
The shit you can get your hands on in another country is miraculous.
I can’t remember the last time I did shrooms. I’m not really into hallucinogens, but I need to be completely unaware of my life as it is now. I’m not sure how, in the span of two weeks, my life is on a downfall. I lost friends, games, my sanity...mygirlfriend.
Fuck, I miss her. I miss her like hell. I’ve been trying to drown myself in girls to forget her, but you can’t forget a girl like that. I need to get a grip.
“Larson?” I look up to see a confused Allie standing above me. What the fuck? Am I highalready? I look at the magic mushrooms in my plastic tupperware and back up, still seeing her beautiful face staring down at me. Shit, I’m not hallucinating. “Give me that. What the fuck is wrong with you, Larson?” Just my fucking luck. She’s going to lecture me. Getting up, I open my hotel room and walk inside. “So you’re just gonna walk away from me?” God, why is she following me?
“I really can’t do this with you right now.” Translation: I reallydon’twant to do this with her right now.
“When can youactuallytalk to me then? We haven’t spoken in two weeks, Larson.”
Ah, she wants closure. Now I really need to make a means for escape. Somehow, she made it into my room with me. Why did she follow me here? I was giving her space like she needed.
“What do you want from me?”
This makes her flinch. I’m being a dick, and I really should care. But I just don’t.
“You haven’t been showing up to practices, and your coach just called me.”
Annoyed, I walk to the kitchen for a beer. “Why is he calling you?”Howis he calling you?
“Because I was yourgirlfriend, Larson. You put me down as an emergency contact, apparently.”
Right, I did that. It didn’t completely escape me when she sayswas.Even moderately high, her words have a powerful blow behind them.
