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“I meant, of course, that you must make more of this. You must court her! If you like her so much, there is no reason to put off the opportunity to make her your wife someday. Do you not think that she would be an ideal woman to have by your side?” Harry asked.
“Of course, she would. But do you truly think that I am a man fit for being a husband? Particularly to such a lovely woman?” Crispin asked, doubting himself. He was always so nervous around others, whereas Lady Mary was a vibrant personality. Could he make her happy? Or would he simply serve to bring her down?
“If you ask me, she appears just as interested in you as you in her,” Harry said.
“Then why did she disappear? Would she not have remained near to us if she had any interest in me?” Crispin asked.
“I would say that her stepmother took her away for some reason—perhaps so that you might have an opportunity to spend more time with Lady Charlotte. I cannot be certain, as I have already said, but that would make sense to me, given what I observed,” Harry said.
Crispin had noticed the terseness of Lady Rachel when she approached them, just before she asked Lady Mary to come with her. Perhaps Harry was right. Maybe she really had called Lady Mary away for some reason.
Maybe she did want Crispin to spend more time with Lady Charlotte and, therefore, sent Lady Mary into the house. Still, Crispin didn’t want to think such a thing. It was awful to imagine that Lady Rachel would be so cruel.
Rather than lingering on that thought, Crispin tried to tell himself that everything was going to be perfectly fine. He could truly consider whether he wished to court Lady Mary.
He hoped that he could demonstrate wisdom and intellect as he looked forward to the day when he might be allowed to get to know her better and, potentially, determine if she wished to spend her life with him.
“I must confess that the idea of having Lady Mary’s interest makes me more joyful than I might have expected. And if you think that she really could not have spent the day with me because of the wishes of her stepmother, it would grieve me to no end.
Nevertheless, I should like to be around her more and determine whether or not she could be the woman with whom I spend my life,” Crispin said, contenting himself with the idea.
“I am most pleased, Crispin,” Harry said. “I feared that you might run from the suggestion.”
Crispin laughed and shook his head. Yes, in the past, he might have. But Lady Mary was different.
“I still may. Honestly, I am nervous about the idea, but I will consider it. Truth be told, I never imagined that I would consider anything like this, but that was before I met Lady Mary. She is worthy of such consideration,” Crispin said.
He meant that with all his heart, although a part of him remained petrified by the idea of it. After all, who was he to pursue this woman? He hardly deserved her. And if there was a chance that Lady Charlotte was also interested in him, Crispin realised that he would have some very difficult decisions to make ahead—decisions that could cause someone to be hurt.
It was difficult for Crispin to think about all of this, given that he had long intended to remain alone for the majority of his life. He never expected to truly want to court or marry a woman. He had always assumed he would simply be forced to make a quick decision once he was too old to attract anyone himself.
Of course, that sort of drab thinking was precisely why he had not found anyone yet.
Crispin wanted to be the sort of man who could really make a woman happy, but he always thought himself doomed. And now, realising that there was a woman out there who found him interesting, he was shocked to imagine that there was a future for him. He could spend his life, happily, with this woman. And maybe, if he was fortunate enough, they could have bright days to come.
“I did notice that Lady Charlotte appears intrigued by you, and I know that the book you recommended to her was not exactly the sort you would read. May I ask what that was about?” Harry asked him suddenly.
Crispin was ashamed of that, and he glanced away from his friend.
“I ought to have been gentler with her. I recommended that book because it seems like the sort she would find interesting.
While it is true that I would never read something like that, I did not wish to make her feel bad. She claims that she loves to read, but it quickly became clear that she does not read the sort of books that she told me.”
“And that was your way of preserving her dignity? It seems to me more as if you are mocking her and she did not even realise it,” Harry said.
Crispin looks up at him with confusion. “Thus, my trial. I honestly could not tell you which intention I had. I was bothered by the fact that she tried to make a false claim, but I also wished to hide that I was dismayed by it.
Honestly, Harry, I could not tell you what my intention was. I only know that whatever she felt as a result of it, I hope that she was not embarrassed,” Crispin said.
“Do you dislike her? Or are you simply indifferent?” Harry asked. “She is a beautiful woman with many admirable qualities.”
“She is that—I will not deny. But while I liked her from what I could see, there did appear to be a certain disingenuous nature that I noted. She seemed so much like the other women whom I have encountered; although she was lovely in many ways, I cannot say that she tempted me, purely by the fact that I sensed she was not as she wished for me to think she was,” he explained.
“Well, that certainly is discouraging. I had hoped that she may be a decent woman as well,” Harry said.
“Oh, I am not meaning to speak ill of her. It is just that she is not the sort of woman with whom I would care to spend the rest of my days,” Crispin clarified.
“But Lady Mary is?”
The question hung in the air as Crispin considered it. He did not know Lady Mary all that well yet, but the times they had been with one another, he had certainly appreciated her kindness and her wit. She appeared to him as a regal, genuine, kind woman.
Yes, he thought. Perhaps she was the sort of woman he might wish to spend his days with. And if she felt the same, he would not let another woman stand between them.
