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“Then I refer to my previous question. How does it make you feel?” Miss Anne asked again.
For a moment, Mary considered. She wanted to be honest and give the full truth to her feelings, even if it was difficult to express in words. She knew that Miss Anne was one of the few people with whom she could share her heart and know that it was safe. At last, she decided to be honest.
“I am quite confused, as I had hoped that he might wish to court me,” Mary said.
“And what makes you believe that he will not?”
“He has met Charlotte now. What if he prefers her?” Mary asked.
Miss Anne scoffed and shook her head. “Enough of that thinking. Now, do not tell me what you fear. Tell me what you think of the man himself. Are you fond of him?”
Mary paused for a moment, wondering if she really should say anything. Was it wrong of her to have such strong feelings for this man when she did not know him very well and there was still a chance that he was going to pursue a match with Charlotte?
At last, however, she gave herself permission. She truly liked him and didn’t want to pretend otherwise or feel bad about the fact that she was so fond of him. If she could tell Miss Anne everything—as she believed she could—this was precisely the moment to do so.
“Very well,” she began. “In truth, I think he is the most remarkable gentleman. He is kind and sincere. He is charming and intelligent. He has excellent taste in literature which, as you know, is very important to me. I am enjoying the opportunity to get to know him.”
“Goodness, I am glad to hear that. You are positively gushing about him,” Miss Anne said with delight.
“Am I? Is that foolish of me? After all, how could I be so nonsensical as to think Lady Rachel would ever allow for the match? If she has her eyes set upon him for Charlotte, there is no reason for me to believe that I could ever be a match to him. I should be utterly ridiculous for even hoping,” she said.
“That is not ridiculous, Mary. I saw how he spoke with you, and it was not unfriendly. He seemed interested in you, just as you appeared to think so well of him. But may I ask if it is more than merely thinking well of him? Do you like him? Do you really wish he would court you so that you might have a future together?” Miss Anne pressed.
Once more, Mary grinned. She knew how much trouble her governess would get in for all of these questions, particularly about so personal a subject. But she was a good woman and Mary trusted her. Moreover, she was right.
This was all a matter of what Mary wanted for her future and she truly did have feelings for Lord Hanbrooke. If she admitted it, it could be a terrible thing, but it could also be the most honest she had ever been to herself.
“Because you have asked, Miss Anne, I shall confess to you. Yes, indeed. I do like him. I like him very much,” she admitted.
“Oh, how wonderful!” Miss Anne said, clasping her hands together. “Enough that you would accept his offer?”
“If he were to court me and then make me an offer of marriage, I think I would. I do not know him so well just yet that I am wise to make that decision, but I do believe that I would be willing to marry him if the chance were given to me,” she said.
“Then I think you would be wise to hope for it. Wise to pursue it. And if he gives you the opportunity to get to know him better and to be courted, you ought never allow your stepmother to get in the way of that,” Miss Anne said.
“But she would not approve of it. I am frightened for her to even find out. I am sure that it is evident to her that I care for him, but I would be a fool to think that she would not be angered by it. After all, I am not her daughter, and I am not the one she really wants to be with him.
Honestly, I think that Charlotte would never forgive me if I were to accept a proposal from the Duke and Lady Rachel would rather see me hung,” Mary said.
“I should like to say that you have made too much out of it and that you are being dramatic…however, I think she would be furious,” Miss Anne said with a laugh. “But that does not mean that you cannot pursue the future regardless.
Think about it, Mary; if you marry him, your father would approve and you would be gone from this home. Lady Rachel would have no say in how you live your life once you were free.”
Mary considered that and she was quite happy to imagine it. More than anything, she wanted to be free of this home and this family. Although she did not wish to appear ungrateful, the idea of breaking free and escaping the confines of her life in the home was a dream that she could hardly allow herself to imagine.
She had been so happy to spend time with the Duke and she really did like him. If that bode well for their future together, the last thing she wished to do was allow Lady Rachel and Charlotte to get in the way.
Indeed, there was much for her to consider. If she chose to do what would make her happy, she would make her stepmother furious.
But if she chose to obey a woman who had no love for her simply to appease her, Mary knew that there was no reason to go on anyway. Lady Rachel would have won and there was no point in allowing herself to hope for anything better. If she allowed Lady Rachel to have her say in this, what was to stop her from ruining every prospect Mary might have in the future?
Mary took a deep breath and considered her options. She wasn’t sure what to do, but she did know that she couldn’t keep going on like this. She needed to find a way to have a good life and to break free.
More than that, she wanted to know if the feelings between herself and Lord Hanbrooke were real.
