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Chapter Thirteen
Relief allowed Zsanine to recognize how tired she really was. Being on edge kept her senses super heightened. No longer having to remain in that physical space allowed her to recognize how her body felt, which was exhausted. She was mentally and physically exhausted. Zander’s only goal was to attend to every one of her needs, make her well, and love her past any pain she experienced. He ran a bath for her, spiced with eucalyptus and lavender to ease her physically and mentally. Zander saw the tired in Zsanine’s eyes. He didn’t want her to have to do anything, to worry about anything. That’s what he had in mind when he escorted her to the bathroom. He wanted Zsanine to be relieved of any reminder of what she went through.
Standing there with her, face to face, Zander noticed that the light that normally radiated from her had been dulled. But as she lifted her eyes to him as he helped her out of the clothes she wore, he saw a glimmer of that light being revived. Their souls reconnected, melding together in that moment. All Zsanine needed was the space and opportunity to return to her glorious self. And it didn’t matter to Zander how long that took. He would be there with her through every moment until she emerged on the other side victorious.
As she stood there in front of him, clothes completely removed, he asked Zsanine’s permission to remove her head covering. She granted him that permission. Zander had come to understand how important her covering meant and what it represented. He would never be presumptuous about it or disrespect what he knew to be sacred to Zsanine. Gently, he lifted his hands and carefully released her naturally coiled glory. She had never been more beautiful.
Leaning down, he checked the bathtub water to ensure it was the right temperature before taking a slight step back from her even though he longed to stay close. He extended his hand to assist Zsanine as she stepped into the claw foot tub. Zander didn’t let her hand go until she was fully in the tub, fully comfortable in the water. Only then did he kneel down beside the tub.
“Is the water good, love?”
Zsanine’s eyes drifted to him. “Yes, it’s fine, babe. Thank you.”
He picked up the loofah as Zsanine leaned forward, her knees tucked against her chest. Gently, Zander started to wash her back, hoping that it soothed her. He was contemplative, hearing her response.
“Don’t thank me, babe,” Zander replied. “After everything you’ve been through because of me, please, don’t thank me.”
Zsanine felt his angst. She felt the sincerity of his words and understood why he responded the way he did.
“You couldn’t have known,” Zsanine replied sincerely. “I don’t blame you.”
“I don’t deserve you,” he sighed, leaning over and gently kissing her on the back of her neck. “I’m so sorry.”
“Come around here so I can see you,” Zsanine insisted, her voice still loving.
Zander felt horrible for what she had to endure, the duration of her endurance, and the reason for her enduring. And for what? But he did as Zsanine instructed and positioned himself so he could see her face. Before she said anything, Zsanine smiled, not a toothy smile, but a smile that reached her eyes. Zander noticed. He paid attention to every little thing about her. He loved Zsanine just that much. Yet, he didn’t fully understand why she was smiling. Under the circumstances, after everything that happened, he couldn’t fathom a smile as his response was so different.
“Yes, they took me because of you, my relationship to you. But I’m only here with you now because of how much you love me. You fought for me, Zander. You fought to get me back,” Zsanine continued. “For most women, that’s a philosophical ideal, but with you, it’s real. You literally fought to save me, to rescue me. What greater manifestation of love is there than that?”
She reached up, shaking the excess water and suds from her hand, and lifted it, cupping Zander’s cheek. She giggled as a few bubbles were pressed against his cheek. He relished in the sound. He hadn’t heard her laughter in too long. Zander didn’t care that he had bubbles on his face. Zsanine’s touch was like sab to an open wound. Yet, the words she spoke left an indelible imprint on his heart. Zander pressed his hand against hers, relishing the feel of flesh to flesh, and then lifted it from his face, kissing her palm. Her smile was infectious, and he found himself smiling with her.
“When I said I love you, I meant it, beloved,” Zsanine explained. “Not just when it's easy, and you make it so easy, but also when it's hard. Blaming you for what someone else chose to do is not me. That’s not who I am.”
“If you did find fault with me, I understand,” Zander replied. “It’s only because of me that you were placed in that situation. It also made me incredibly sad because I wasn’t able to protect you from it. And I should have. I should have better anticipated the potential, the possibilities. I should have been able to protect you from ever experiencing something like that, and I didn’t.”
“And if that was a mistake, you’ll never make it again,” Zsanine replied. “I don’t know the history, but I do know you. You didn’t intend for it to happen. And even with taking greater measures, you may not have been able to prevent it from happening. But I also have to take some responsibility for how I ended up there,” Zsanine continued. “I wasn’t as cautious as I should have been. I didn’t do what I knew to do was right, letting someone know my whereabouts, letting you know exactly what was going on with me. And I have to deal with my own failings in that regard. My point is, my love, we got through it. It’s over. And from now on, we both will do better in guarding our safety.”
Zander leaned in, and Zsanine leaned in. They sealed their commitment to each other with a kiss.
“Now, help me out of here before I wrinkle up like a prune,” Zsanine said. “That would not be pretty.”
“I think you’d be a pretty prune,” Zander joked as he lifted himself from the floor.
“There is no such thing,” Zsanine laughed.
Zander crossed the room and secured two of the warmed bath towels from the rack. He threw them over his shoulder and then reached down, helping Zsanine to stand up. With care, he wrapped the heated towel around her and used the other one to help dry her off. She used the strength of Zander’s forearm to step out of the tub. He bent down, encouraging Zsanine to rest her arm on him as he ensured her feet and legs were dry.
He escorted Zsanine to the cushioned seat at the foot of his bed. He left her momentarily, returning with scented oil for her skin.
“Let me, love,” Zander suggested, squeezing the oil into his large hands and rubbing them together to warm the oil before applying it to Zsanine’s skin. Zander worked his way up from her feet to her legs, taking the time to not only apply the oil but to massage it in as he moved along.
“Mmm,” Zsanine hummed, feeling his hands kneading out the soreness and loosening her muscles even more than the bath had. Zander continued massaging her legs, up her thighs, caressing and kneading, and then caressing them again. Zsanine’s eyes closed involuntarily, and her head fell back between her shoulders. He rubbed out the pain in all the right spots. Even when Zander massaged her arms, it soothed Zsanine. They’d been held in an uncomfortable position for hours upon hours at a time. There were knots of tension Zander relieved that Zsanine didn’t even realize she had.
When he reached her shoulders and then her neck, Zsanine moaned again. So much of the tension she felt the past few days was trapped there, but Zander patiently caressed it out.
“Mmm, babe, that feels so good.”
For Zander, it was the least he could do. He wanted to help her feel better. He wanted Zsanine to feel safe, loved, and cared for. She lifted her head, returning her gaze to Zander. He wanted to make sure it was good with Zsanine before removing her towel. Even though they were lovers and knew each other’s bodies well, at that moment, he refused to be presumptuous. He didn’t want her to be uncomfortable in any way. Zander had no idea what her experience while captured was like, so he wanted to be sure it was okay with Zsanine. He respected her far too much for assumptions. She loved that he checked in with her and willingly nodded her head, giving him permission to love on her some more. What he was doing was an expression of love, and she knew that. Zander catered to her in so many other situations. That was his love language.
