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Chapter 15
Something changed between Hope and Cade following Sunday evening when they’d met up with Silas and Jada. After a fun evening together and dinner out, Cade had driven Hope home. It was late, and they both had to be up early for work the next morning.
Even though it was well past Hope’s usual bedtime, she hadn’t wanted the evening to end. It seemed Cade didn’t, either. For the longest time they continued to sit in his pickup and talk. She found it easy to be with him. The changes in him the last few weeks were almost night and day. It was like watching the wall he’d built around himself come crumbling down one stone at a time.
As they sat in his truck, with only the dim moonlight, Cade talked about the friends he’d made in his therapy group.
“I didn’t want to go and was determined to hate every minute. I had no intention of talking, and for the first few sessions I barely said a word.”
“What changed?”
“Me, I guess. As I listened to the others, I realized they’d all gone through hell, the same as I had. The thing was, they were learning to accept the past and move forward. For some reason, I can’t even explain why, I thought if I didn’t hold on to that day…those memories, that I was somehow betraying my friends. I realize now that I had to let go of Jeremy and Luke. Knowing them as well as I do…I did, that was what they’d want. I was the one holding on to something nothing I could ever do would change.”
“That doesn’t mean you’ll forget your friends.”
“No, never. I can’t. I’ll carry them with me for whatever remains of my life.”
He snickered softly, causing Hope to wonder what he was thinking.
“What?” she asked.
“I was just remembering something Harry said. He’s the counselor who leads the group. He has a way of knowing exactly the right questions to ask. I swear he’s a mind reader. Have you ever met anyone like that?”
For a long moment, Hope said nothing. It had always been like that between her and Hunter. It was as if they knew each other’s thoughts. Living with grandparents who loved them, and at the same time resented them, they knew they would always be there for each other. Then Hunter was gone.
After an embarrassing silence, she whispered, “I know what you mean.” She didn’t elaborate and was grateful Cade didn’t pry. She had things in her life she wasn’t comfortable enough to share. He probably did, too.
A short comfortable silence followed before Cade spoke again. “I’m a disappointment to a lot of people,” Cade said suddenly. “Harry and the others have helped me realize how far I have yet to go.”
Hope guessed Cade was talking about his relationship with his family and knew it weighed heavily on his mind. “You aren’t a disappointment to me,” she said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “The fact is, I think you’re wonderful. I want you to know how much your friendship has helped me.”
Her words appeared to shake him. It seemed he didn’t know how to respond. After a few moments, he said pensively, “I didn’t ever think…”
“Think what?” she pressed.
“That I would meet someone like you.”
Unsure what he meant, she asked. “Like me?”
“Someone so good.”
Unable to stop herself, Hope laughed. “I’m not that good, Cade. Please, whatever you do, don’t put me on a pedestal. I’m as flawed as anyone.”
His face shone with doubt in the moonlight. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I didn’t expect to meet someone this accepting of me and my…problems.”
“If you’re talking about your leg…”
“It’s more than my leg. It’s my head. I’m struggling, looking to find where I belong. To fit back into life, to escape the nightmares that haunt me from my time in Afghanistan.” He paused, as if carefully measuring his words. “I’d gotten comfortable in the black hole I’d dug myself into.”
“I know what it’s like to be in a dark place myself,” she whispered. Seeing that Cade had shared this painful part of himself, Hope knew she needed to tell him about her twin brother.
A couple times since they’d started seeing each other, Cade had brought up Hunter. Hope had cleverly managed to sidestep his questions, and he seemed comfortable with that. Hope assumed it was because he feared she might ask him questions about his own service. She felt it would be better to leave any such discussion at his discretion.
“When I moved here, I was looking for a geographical cure,” she admitted. “I thought a fresh start would help.”
“From a broken heart?” he asked, and seemed to think the pain she carried was over the loss of a man she’d once loved.
“No…this has to do with my brother.”
