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My hand tightened on the armrest. I hated having him mad at me, hated knowing I’d disappointed him, but I might as well get used to it. To that end, I’d turned down the chance to fly back with the band and Ilene. I hadn’t wanted to owe Ilene or the label. And childish as it was, I hadn’t wanted to look at Ezra for six hours knowing there was a gap between us wider than the Rockies.
It was better to grab a crack-of-dawn flight to LA, cramped coach seats and all. Quarters were so tight that I had to wiggle around to free my phone as we taxied toward our gate. Once I took it off Airplane Mode, a series of incoming messages popped up on my screen.
Dad: Call me. We’ve got plenty to discuss.
That was one I could promptly ignore. I kept scrolling.
Harley: Welcome back! Your fridge is a barren wasteland. Cash and Danny are grilling again this afternoon, though, and you can fuel up there. See you later.
Fuck. And there went any idea I’d had about drinking my troubles away. Danny and Cash kept a dry household with good reason. I was too damn proud of Danny’s recovery to bring a six-pack there. And judging by the rest of my messages, I wasn’t getting out of the invite.
Danny: You’re back! Cash figured out how to make pizza on the grill. You’ve got to try one.
Cash: Long time no see. I’m sure you’re bushed, but Danny and Harley are all in on grilling. We’ve got some cold-brew coffee with your name on it.
I knew when I was beat, and besides, I’d had enough hours alone with my thoughts. Okay, Okay. I’ll be there. I messaged all three at once and continued scrolling to the bottom of my messages.
No texts from Ezra, but there was one from Kate confirming the accountant had paid our bill in full and asking if I’d made it back all right.
Clearly, Ezra hadn’t told her about us if she was still being nice. Not that I’d expected him to blab. He might be impulsive and unpredictable at times, but he was also true to his word. And despite everything, I trusted him not to hurt me. I’d already hurt us more than enough with my inability to give him what he wanted. You want it too. Okay, yeah. I couldn’t give either of us what we wanted. Needed. No one won here.
My finger hovered over the box to create a new message. I could reach out. Maybe just as friends, seeing if he’d made it back. But I couldn’t. Because then I might be tempted to go wherever he was, not Danny’s. And if I lurked around Ezra’s place, I’d undoubtedly draw media attention, which was the last thing I wanted.
I forced myself to head to my empty, stuffy condo. Harley had been right. My fridge didn’t even have any expired condiments, and the place was too quiet. Too sterile. The cleaning service had come in my absence, and it smelled like yet another hotel, not a home. An image of Ezra’s mom’s kitchen popped into my head. Now that was a home. Good smells. Warm light. Things on the wall. Cabinets full of well-used cookware.
My condo was a place to store my suitcases, not a home. And I didn’t want to stay there a second longer. On the way to Danny’s, I stopped for some cookies so I’d at least look the part of a decent guest.
But Danny’s place was, if anything, worse. Danny wore a too-big black T-shirt with a gym logo that looked suspiciously like one of Cash’s. Great. They’d achieved the sharing-clothing level of domestic bliss. Their kitchen was a pleasant mess of food prep, the dog underfoot, and the two of them in sunny moods that undoubtedly had something to do with the hickey playing peekaboo with Cash’s T-shirt collar.
And now I was thinking about Ezra’s perfect teeth and how much I liked them on my flesh, how I’d happily wear all his marks if things could only be different.
“Good, you made it before the pizza maestro does his thing.” Harley perched on a kitchen stool where he had a big glass of iced coffee and was scrolling his phone.
“We got fancy organic creamer for you.” Danny retrieved a box from the fridge while Cash poured a glass of cold brew from some sort of modern glass pitcher with a contraption inside to make the coffee. “That’s how you know we missed you.”
“You missed me?” I studied him closer to see if he was joking, but his famous smile was firmly in place, no trace of irony.
“Well, sure.” He passed me the finished drink. “You’re the only one who can out-cranky Linus.” Bending over to scoop up the dog, he grinned wider. “And you don’t respond to texts, so how else am I going to get the scoop on this daring rescue you and Ezra performed?”
