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CHAPTERTWELVE
Ash took the purposeful strides of a man who knew what he was doing. He didn’t. Not at all. His heart raced in his chest as though he’d ridden or run for hours.
He’d barely even considered the idea of marriage prior to meeting Lily, and so he had no plan as to how he might propose.
Logically?
Romantically?
Did he wrap her in his arms, hold her hands? Tell her how she’d managed to change him already? Or insist that he was the strong protector she needed? He scrubbed his hand across the back of his neck as he growled out his frustration.
He didn’t have the first idea, which was not an auspicious start.
“Ash?” she asked, tugging on his hand. “Is everything all right?”
He turned, stopping at the bottom of the stairs, and took both of her hands in his. “They’re not wrong. Your brothers.”
“Not wrong about what? Arabella and I being a force? I hope so. I could use some lessons on being more forceful.”
Those words made his heart constrict. “You’ve run because you’ve had to, Lily. Arabella has had powerful allies behind her if she needed them. It’s much easier to be strong when you have the proper support.”
She cocked her head. “Oh, I see. Do you think if I allowed myself to trust my brothers more, I’d grow into someone more like Arabella?”
“I think that trusting others would help you grow.” His words were carefully chosen but he gave her a sidelong glance to see if his meaning was clear.
She smiled at him. “And who should I trust?”
“Well, I’ve heard you say that you trust me. Perhaps that’s a good place to start.”
Her smile softened. “I do trust you. More than anyone.”
He squeezed her hands. “Beyond this trip—what if we made our relationship more permanent?”
She sucked in a breath. “Didn’t you tell me that you’d never marry? Have you changed your mind?”
He shrugged, grimacing at his own words. “I did. Sort of. I suppose I believe that you and I might have something different.”
“How?”
“This would not be a society wedding where I married you for your dowry and connections.”
Her eyes widened. “So, it’s not that you didn’t want to marry, exactly, it’s that you didn’t want a relationship like your parents’.”
That was an excellent point. “Yes. I think so. I would like to marry a woman that I could remain faithful to and who is willing to remain faithful to me. We both know how damaging infidelity can be.”
“We do,” she murmured softly.
He took a long breath, thinking that he might be going about this at the wrong angle. “I like you, Lily. I more than like you. I—”
“Ash,” she whispered. “I thought not to ever marry either. We had that in common, if I recall. But I also didn’t want to place my trust in a man who might just discard me on a whim. And you thought not to marry because…”
The words came out, honest but bitter. “I won’t repeat my father’s mistakes.”
She winced. “I’m glad you think I’m not a mistake.” Her hands slipped from his. “And you have some compelling reasons. Can I consider all you’ve said before I answer? I have my own past to consider and my own promises to myself.”
He nodded, but on the inside, he died a bit.
It was as he’d always expected, even with all he brought to the match, Lily didn’t care enough for him to say yes.
