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She’d only just managed to have regular shelter, food, and necessities when Baxter had swept into her life. And she’d only begun to adjust to that when those thieves had ripped her life from her all over again.
Now she was just trying to survive once more.
She looked out the window to see the crowd of soldiers that surrounded the carriage. Twenty, at least.
Clearly, they were safe enough now for her to risk leaving the carriage in order to ride with Ash for a little while at least.
Another hour passed before they stopped for a break. Ash met her at the door, helping her down the steps. “Ash,” she started as she threaded her arm through his, “I’ve been thinking about your offer all morning.”
He began walking toward a rock large enough for them to sit on and far enough from the group that they might be able to speak with a bit of privacy. “And?”
“It’s so generous…” she said as they walked.
“But?” She felt the tension under her fingers.
Her hand squeezed his bicep. “No buts, I promise. I was talking with Arabella—”
“And?” His jaw appeared to be clenched hard enough to shatter.
She drew in a deep breath, trying to choose her words with great care. “I’ve been barely existing for so long, I guess, I don’t trust myself to make good decisions. I need you to understand.”
He stopped turning toward her, but reached up and touched her face. “Of course. You want to make sure I’m the right man.”
She laughed at that. “That is not it. You’re the man who rode in and rescued me. You’re a handsome earl. What fault in you could I find?”
His brow quirked. “I can think of a few things.”
She smiled. “I owe it to both of us to make this decision for all the right reasons. And not because Bash said so or because I’m afraid of hunger or being alone.”
He took both of her hands. “People have married for a great deal less.”
She looked into his eyes, wanting him to understand. “Don’t let your father steal your value the way he did your childhood. You’re a wonderfully strong and capable man, and a woman could lose herself in you.”
His eyes lit with something dark and strong as he pulled her closer. “But not you.”
She shook her head. “I am trying to find myself, but that isn’t what I meant, exactly.”
He let go of her hands and then trailed his knuckles across her cheek. “Take all the time you need. As I never planned to marry, I don’t have another offer waiting should you refuse. It was only ever for you.” And then he went back to the group.
She watched him, not sure what she’d said that had upset him. Though he’d left with words of comfort, he’d left.
Which Ash never did.
If there was one thing he’d always been, it was staying strong at her side. Part of her wished to call him back. Agree to be his wife.
But what if after this was all done and she was safe, he regretted making her a countess? And what if she found that with safety, she had been right all along and what she’d actually wished for was independence?
But the idea of never being held in his arms again…
Arabella made her way toward Lily. “Is everything all right?”
“I’m not sure. I tried to be honest. Tell him why I hesitated and what I thought was wonderful about him.”
Arabella turned to look at Ash. “Don’t worry. He’s a man and incapable of multiple emotional levels. All he heard was rejection.”
“Why does that mean I shouldn’t worry?”
“Because he’s also smitten. Which means he won’t be able to stay away for long.”
Lily watched him adjust the saddle on his horse. “What was it you said about Edge—helping you learn to open up?”
Arabella gave a soft laugh. “Allowing love into your heart will only help you grow. It won’t hold you back. Promise.”
Did Lily love Ash? Was that the pull she felt toward him or was it just her need for protection?
That was the question she needed to answer next.
