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Autumn smiles, sympathetically. “You had good reason to. My reason is my parents, mainly. They don’t want their eldest daughter to be a spinster. They’re worried I’m falling too far behind Skye and no one will want me in a couple years.”
“Well, it’s nice that they want the best for you, but you shouldn’t feel rushed into marriage if you don’t feel ready.”
She shakes her shoulders lightly, as if to throw off some thought or other. “I am ready,” she says, firmly, more to herself than to me. “And they love Jesse. They think he’s perfect, and they have more experience with this whole love and relationship stuff than I do.” She laughs and it’s infectious.
“I’m glad I’m not the only who’s clueless about this stuff,” I chuckle.
“Well, you seem to be doing something right,” she smiles, nodding towards the deck where Nate’s form is looming larger as we sail closer. “Your little puppy dog over there is quite attached to you.”
“Hmm.”Attached is a good word for it.I keep my voice down so Isaac can’t hear me. “I’m not sure it’s for the right reasons.”
“What do you mean?” Autumn asks, then stops herself. “Sorry, I don’t mean to pry.”
“No, it’s fine. We used to have a thing a few years ago, but he cheated and we broke up. He wants another chance.”
Autumn narrows her eyes. “And do you want to give him one?”
“I don’t know,” I sigh. “I’m fond of him, despite everything.”
“Fond?” Autumn winces and I laugh.
“Maybe ‘fond’ isn’t the right word. We went through a lot together, growing up and dating with the world watching. We have history, and that will always mean something to me. But, I don’t know if I feelthatway for him, if you know what I mean?”
She cocks her head to one side. “I do. I think… when you know, you know.”
“Hmm,” I nod.I think that’s the problem.
We reach the deck and Clark pulls the boat alongside and ties it up with rope. Nate moves in front of Isaac and extends his arm to gallantly help me onto the deck. I turn back to Autumn one more time. “Thanks so much again. For the dive and for the chat.”
“Anytime,” she smiles, then winks. “Good luck.”
Nate keeps hold of my hand as we walk out of the dive center to the main pathway. Isaac follows close behind.
“Where to?” He asks. I try not to feel too irritated but it would be nice if he came up with some ideas of things to do himself, without having to look to me all the time.
“I’m pretty tired after that,” I say. “And I should get some rest before tonight’s show.”
“Ok,” he replies, chirpily. “Back to the villa it is.”
We walk hand-in-hand all the way and it’s kind of nice, despite Isaac’s eyes burning into my back. But I know Nate’s hand is not the one I want to be holding. Talking with Autumn has clarified a few things for me.
I already know what I want. I want him. And he’s already told me I can’t have that. But he’s only given me one reason—an excuse, really—and I think there’s another, bigger one that he isn’t telling me. I need to prove it, if only so I can move past these feelings which are getting stronger and more intense with every day that passes, and with every jealous look he’s unwittingly flinging my way every time he sees me with Nate.
We get back to the villa and I lead Nate straight into my suite, for the first time since he arrived a week ago.
“I thought you needed to rest,” he grins cheekily as I lean past him to close the door. I catch Isaac’s eyes as I shut them out. They are burning.
“I can still rest with you,” I smile. I walk across to my bed and lie down, propping my head on one arm. I tap the comforter. “You coming or what?”
He seems to come to his senses and practically runs to the bed, throwing himself down next to me. “Are you sure about this?” he asks.
I nod and bring my lips down to his before he can say anything else. I don’t want to talk, I just want to get this over with. The taste of Nate is familiar but it doesn’t do anything for me. His lips move just fine, but they don’t set mine on fire. His tongue is soft enough, but it has no urgency, no life of its own. I run my fingers along Nate’s shoulders and along his biceps to his hands. They are smaller than Isaac’s, not as firm, and they don’t pin me down while I’m devoured by his mouth. I push my fingertips through his hair but I don’t pull him deeper onto me as he feels almost like he might break, or at least be offended or put off by the force.
His fingers work their way, clumsily, into my shorts. He doesn’t think to unbutton the fly and struggles to squeeze his whole hand inside. The pressure against my pelvic bone is almost painful. Isaac would have ripped it open by now, I’m sure of it. I don’t really want Nate’s hand down there but there needs to be a good reason for the noise I’m about to make.
I squirm slightly to ease the way for his fingers. The tip of one finally makes it to my clit, but only just. It brushes against me, lightly, like air, and I feel nothing. If anything, I want to laugh, because it tickles. I pull my lips away, feeling the effects of his stubble against the delicate skin. I moan, hoping it reaches through the wall. “Oh God.”
Nate jumps slightly, unused to me making any noise during our fumbling. Then he returns his mouth to mine, renewing the scratchiness against my skin. I let his tongue flick at mine a few times then I pull away, kissing along his jaw and his neck, anything to lighten the assault of short, blunt hairs against my raw lips. Nate continues to barely graze me with his finger and I continue to make encouraging, slightly delirious noises—mm’s and ahh’s—in all the right places. Nate joins in, loving the effect he thinks he’s having on me.
After a few minutes, I want to stop. I don’t like what I’m doing but I’ve come this far. “Nate!” I call out. “Right there, oh God, yes.” I thrust myself forward as though I really am chasing his fingers, and fake a jerk or two, all the while moaning into higher and higher octaves. I pant from the exertion of faking an orgasm and press my lips to Nate’s. “Thank you,” I murmur, lazily.
“You’re very welcome,” he replies, the surprise on his face almost comical. He goes to kiss me, probably hoping I’m going to return the favor, but my work is done. I roll onto my side and close my eyes, about to fake a sleep that I will no doubt fall into anyway. I’ve played my part, I’ve set the stakes. Now I just have to wait and see where the chips fall.
